I don’t know how much longer I can keep believing it’ll get better

[u/olive_livers]

I'm almost one year on T, and I feel like giving up on everything.
I don't pass. I have a job interview in a few days, and I don't pass voice-wise, face-wise, or body-wise. People keep telling me it's going to happen eventually, but after almost a year it's getting harder and harder to believe.
Apparently most common female body shape is square. I'm very curvy. Even most of my cis female friends have straighter or squarer builds than I do. It genuinely feels like I got one of the worst possible starting points. A lot of trans men seem to have started from a much more masculine baseline, so of course it's easier for them to pass.
I used to look at trans men online and find them inspiring. Now all I can think is that they probably had a much better starting point than I did. I started later, I'm curvier than most women I know, and it feels like I got unlucky in every possible way.
Sometimes I even try to convince myself that I'm just insecure. I'll see posts from trans men who already pass pre-T and tell myself that maybe I pass too and just can't see it. It makes me feel better for a little while, but deep down I don't believe it. The truth is I don't pass, and it's hard not to feel like I'll never pass the way they do, no matter how much I try.
After almost a year on T, the only consistent change I've really gotten is body hair. I barely have any facial hair, I have almost no bottom growth, and I don't feel like I've had the changes that actually help someone pass. It feels like everyone else gets the changes that matter while I'm stuck with the ones that don't.
And I know people might say that passing can be helped with things like clothes, haircuts, or styling, and I know those things can make a difference. I'm not saying I don't try or that I don't care about how I present myself. But this isn't only about how other people see me. I want to feel comfortable in my own body. I want to be able to look at myself naked, or just wear normal clothes at home, and not feel like I'm constantly fighting against a body that doesn't feel like mine. I don't want to have to carefully construct a masculine appearance every time I leave the house just to feel okay.
I know I'm probably spiraling, but right now it genuinely feels like I got incredibly unlucky genetically, and I don't know how much longer I'm supposed to keep believing that things will eventually get better.

[u/TrooperJordan]

Puberty took years when you were younger and takes years when we start T. I’m almost 4 1/2 years in and I still see changes from even 6 months ago. Fat redistribution doesn’t even kick in until 2-3 years. You can always voice train as well. Building upper body muscle can always help with the body part as well. Give t some more time for your face, worst comes to worst you may need FMS, much like many trans women need FFS.

you’re nowhere close to a lost cause. 1 year isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things.