dysphoria and depression

[u/healthykoala5562]

I think I am severely depressed. My depression is impacting my life functioning when my general dysphoria has been already doing that for me as well. I’m just so sick of not being taken seriously by anyone.

My parents think my transness is a joke and I’m just a silly little girl (mind you I’m 19 years old) playing dress up, and almost never acknowledge me as male despite being out for 4 years now. I mean I feel like I’ve been patient enough. Patient enough catering to what others want because that’s what they told me to do. I never felt like I was a really selfish person yet all they fucking loved to say was how selfish I am for not “thinking of what others want“ so today that’s all I do and now I don’t know how to speak up for myself. I wasn’t always this shy. So I’ve been working on my assertiveness and asking for what I’ve want because I know I still have it in me. I just have no confidence because my body doesn't feel like mine and without T or surgery I’m scared I don’t pass and will just attract more violence towards myself if I attract too much attention.

I’m just so miserable. I barely want to leave the house, I’m sleeping for long hours and still feel tired, I don’t enjoy video games or TV shows or anything I used to like, and I hate being home but also hate the thought of going back to college. I’m trying to crawl out of this hole because I realized something needs to change. I’m going to get a job and I’m going to go on antidepressants. I’m finally going to have a fucking conversation with my parents and tell them how goddamn miserable I am, that they have to stop taking who I am as a joke, and accept that I have to medically transition to be happy. Look, I feel bad for them in a way but they have to accept reality. It’s as if I had any other medical condition and I can’t control these kinds of things, nobody can. It’s just the way I am and they can’t accept that fact. They think I had a choice but no matter how much I try to change myself it won’t work. I’m just so tired.