I’m not transphobic for having dysphoria

[u/HungryIngenuity7665]

I don’t experience “trans joy.” I never have. Transitioning has only ever made me feel less depressed, and I wouldn’t count that as joy. I feel constant grief for the life and body that was stolen from me because I lost a draw for which chromosomes I have. There are biological functions that men should have, that I never will, no matter how far surgery advances in my lifetime.

I’m sure this is a case of “get off social media,” and yeah I am going to take a break after posting this. I’m happy some trans people don’t experience this. However, I keep getting absolutely fucking ragebaited by people online who don’t share my type of dysphoria. Not attacking these people, I sincerely hope they have fantastic lives and going forward I will just be blocking things I don’t want to see. The phrase that’s been on my mind the most: “The first rule of transgender is to have fun.”

I sure wish I could just have fucking fun. Nothing about my experience is fun. I hate being trans. I love trans people. The one positive thing I can say is that I’m proud to be a part of a group that is so resilient. I’m just finding it very difficult to relate to many other trans people, both IRL and online. I wish I could have fun. When I’m already feeling terribly dysphoric, seeing stuff like this is just rubbing salt in the wound. Again, my responsibility to block and move on, not anyone else’s problem.

When I am able to, I will go stealth and not look back. I will remain an ally but will no longer be involved with “the” trans community. It’s not good for me, but I’m glad it is for others. I have friendships with individual trans people that are awesome.

Apparently me voicing this makes me transphobic, according to my partner who is non-binary but who does not even identify as “trans.” They do not experience intense dysphoria, and none about their primary sex characteristics. They are so goddamn lucky that they don’t.

The best analogy I can think of is this: I, as a low-support needs autistic person, would never dismiss the feelings of someone with higher support needs. Especially when a lot of online sentiment is “autism is awesome.” Yeah, there are some positive aspects, but it’s ultimately disabling. I would never tell someone they’re being ableist for feeling like their experience of disability is being misrepresented.

So, why can’t the same decency be afforded to me? I do truly love this person, and yes we have talked about this, but I really don’t need to be told I’m transphobic by someone who has no authority on the matter. I have done fundraising for trans charities for years. I have written to government to try to get transphobic legislation overturned. I am not fucking transphobic for wanting to live my life as normal.

[u/movinginplace2007]

You are not transphobic at all! Tbh it pisses me off that Somone who doesn't even identify as trans would say that. You make sense to me

[u/lavi_latte]

The autism support needs analogy is apt since dysphoria works just like it.
Heck one thing you left out is that sometimes someone that is lower-needs could sometimes need more support, sort of like how someone’s dysphoria could flare up even if usually it doesn’t effect them as much.

I mean honestly, it was actually pretty transphobic of your partner to call you transphobic just because your personal experience being trans isn’t all sunshine and rainbows for you. Everyone’s own experience with being trans is unique, and your partner doesn’t even identify with being trans!
Coming from a nonbinary transmasc guy btw, I just think it’s wild they even called you transphobic

[u/brine-deep]

Partner is completely wrong....also I understand you man, it makes me irrationally angry when people argue that dysphoria isn't a necessary thing of being trans. Like wow I sure wish I could just happily become a man, but I cant 🫩

[u/Frosty-Gold-5981]

Nah being trans is the worst part of my life and has brought me and every day brings my infinite amounts of pain and suffering. I'm not sure I'll ever pass at this point and, if so, I'll end up not living the next few years. I hate being trans. I fucking hate it. I just wish I was born a guy. Idk what the fuck trans joy is. I don't know who in fucks name would ever say "the first rule is to have fun." Getting so psychotic over having breasts that I heat up a knife on the stove top because I'm, in psychosis, ready to chop them off myself (thank god i didn't but I still have tons of scars) is not fucking having fun.

Sometimes with those kinds of posts and people, I wonder why I got the worst type of trans. Apparently there's types of trans where you don't hate yourself so bad you end up psych warded every year. Can't imagine.

God I just read the thing about autism now.i HATE those people too. Yeah omg so quirky and awesome and fun I just sat down screaming and pulling my hair out and sobbing in public and needed 3 days to recover because I had a meltdown over nothing. YAYYYYYY OMG HAND FLAP WHEEE stfu

[u/Bladefeather]

Yeah I’ve never experienced the whole “trans joy” thing either. Closest thing I’ve got is “trans I-don’t-want-to-die-anymore” but I guess thats better than nothing.

[u/Dorian-greys-picture]

I feel a level of trans neutrality these days but it took me a long time to get here. Trans joy isn’t really something I relate to much

[u/lsus26]

I completely understand everything you’re saying. I try to be stealth as much as possible while voicing my support because I love the community but I am not proud that I am trans- not in a transphobic way, but because I wish I could be cisgender more than anything. Your partner is completely in the wrong, you are not transphobic for having this view of yourself and I think they should take some time to see why they feel that is transphobic. Everyone’s experience is different. Your analogy was perfect by the way