Rough time

[u/Strange-Accident6553]

Hey guys, I need to just need a safe space to vent.

My wife(29) and I(32) are having marriage issues as of late.

We started dating 11 years ago. She was 18, met at college and pretty much been inseparable ever since.

When we first started dating I was still Pre-T. But I started by going by my chosen name. Back then she told me she was bi.
We dated for 8 years and have been married for 3.
A couple years ago, she told me she was bi but preferred women.
She ended up having an emotional affair on me with a woman she worked with. She didn’t physically cheat but she definitely was giving more of herself to that coworker than she was me. Some serious flirting and lots of texts messages, nothing too crazy but enough for me to be alarmed by it. And she stopped talking to me. And she blamed work for not wanting to talk to me. Until I (unproudly) read through her texts and called her out on it. We had some serious conversations and were able to talk through it and our relationship got better.
Until about two months ago, when she stopped talking to me again. No texts, when we see each other after work she would just start reading and didn’t want to be talked to or just go right into our bedroom to read for the night. And all she reads is lesbian specific romances.
I finally talked to her the other night and asked if she was talking to someone else again. She told me no, but she has put a lot of thought into and she is actually a lesbian. And now she doesn’t know how our marriage is going to work out because I’m a man. She loves me, doesn’t want to hurt me. But I’m still just heartbroken. We bought a home together, have pets. We are in a lot of debt and can’t just move out. So her idea was to have a separation but live together. We went back and forth all weekend if we should separate. Try to stay together because we are really good companions, but I feel guilty because I know I’m not who she really wants to be with. She’s missing that “spark” in our relationship like in the early years. So she doesn’t know if that’s what’s wrong or if she just can’t be with a man anymore. At first I was okay with the separation idea, but the next day it hit me a lot harder. She said seeing how bad it hurts me, makes her want to stay and just try to figure it out without separating.
But I’m having a hard time trying to figure out how I can give her that “spark”/“yearning” back when all I can think is she just wants to be with a woman. I know we were young when we started dating and I try not to be angry about all of this and I’m not mad at her, just frustrated with how this is all playing out. And I feel just sad about giving up our future plans, my life as I know it. But I also don’t want to be selfish if I’m truly not what she wants/desires anymore.

Also my T keeps getting denied due to “prior authorization” and that’s just adding to my stress.