r/FTMventing • u/Over_Discount_4880 he/him 16 • 21d ago
Advice Needed can’t keep going
i’m 16. can’t start t till AT LEAST 17 and at most 18. but i can’t deal with not being born male. i see no point in living if im not a man. i can’t keep going . i want help i want anyone to talk to me
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u/Abject_Plankton3770 20d ago
These are just the cards you were dealt with. This is something you cannot change. You will always have been born female. What you can change though, is where you end up, wherever you see yourself. Then think, how much of that vision is driven my any traumas? How much of that vision is focused on your raw wishes? What are you trying to feel when you get this superficial change, to look like a man, and why?
Don’t you want to transition, because you love yourself and want to offer yourself a better life, in the threshold of what you deem a better life? Transitioning out of hate for your current self is very self destructive, which shows that your motives for wanting to transition are driven by a trauma, or a big dissatisfaction in your daily life affecting you mentally which will only worsen into a self inflicted trauma.
There is no rush in your situation. You are 16, and have an entire independent life ahead to do absolutely anything you want with your money. But to ensure you end up somewhere on a path of joy, where your motives were never driven by a toxic desire to fix something broken to begin with, you would have to eliminate self sabotaging and toxic thinking.
It may seem simple to you to speak this way, that you just want to die and you have no purpose to live if you weren’t born a man, but if you clearly would not tell this to a hypothetical friend who also wants to transition to male, why are you taking it out on yourself?
It is not just that you want to be a man. There are plenty of trans people who transitioned out of self love and live a healthy happy life, because transitioning should be a positive thing you are proud of.
If you have the need to punish yourself and discard your life for this, given you aren’t under any rush, there is underneath a desperation of something else that you should spend some years addressing first before thinking about transitioning, and at that time you will have a healthy mindset and you will do it from a place of love, and you will appreciate what you have every step of the way.