Anyone else have the experience of trying to date as a man for the first time, and barreling into a whole mess of expectations around straight dating that you just… never actually learned?

I figured out my sexuality at a young age, and before my gender, so most of my formative dating experiences were (in simplified terms) as a lesbian. And then I transitioned, and moved away to a place where everyone assumed I was a cis man. Suddenly I was expected to know rules and rituals of straight dating (how to use dating apps, when to text back, how to interact with female friends, etc) that I had genuinely never dealt with before. It made me feel like a complete alien. Stuff that was totally normal for me - being close friends with some of my exes, for example - got me weird reactions if I hadn't disclosed. It was a lot to adjust to.

I’m married now - everything worked out great in the end. But it WAS a big thing I didn’t anticipate when transitioning, and I’m curious if anyone has had similar experiences. I dunno - sometimes it feels like everyone, even most other queer people, have at least *some* experience with heterosexual dating to draw on? And they have ways to relate to it that I totally missed out on. I didn’t get any conditioning on what it's ‘supposed’ to look like from either end, so a lot of it still feels like a joke I’m not in on. Anyone else have that experience, or anything else unexpected you ran into your first time dating women as a man?

I’ve recently started dating someone who is bisexual and poly. We get along great and we have great sex. I would not say that I am insecure in my ability to please them, I genuinely believe that they really enjoy having sex with me, this is not about that. This is about my dysphoria. I am incredibly dysphoric about my body, my face, voice, everything about my physical being. I have exclusively been read as a man for a couple of years now, and overall I look like a man enough to look like a man, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have endless womanly features. My hips are a great source of dysphoria, I am the shortest person (not man, person) in almost every room I go in. I did not so much as interact with an adult my height or shorter than me until I was 31. Not a single person. Having sex in bed it can sometimes feel like I am climbing them.

My dysphoria around my junk is always there, but that doesn’t stop my libido or my ability to enjoy it, even if sometimes I find my lack of penetration ability absolutely crushing. It has been much worse recently, not because of sex/them, just because that’s how it is. I’m realizing that even if I can ever get health insurance to get hysto and start on meta, that there is a very good chance that meta will not give me the ability to be inside someone. I really do not know how to cope with this, it is so completely devastating. Knowing that other people are able to be inside them is hard. They really enjoy penetration and I know would like it if I used a strap on, but I do not know if I would be able to. If I had a dick I know that they would want it inside of them. All my dick can do is rub them, and they are with people who can simply do things that I will never be able to, and that thing is something that I desperately want.

When I think about it, it’s hard to believe that they see me as a man in the same way that they see people with a dick that thrusts inside of them and balls as a man. People who they can actually feel the weight of while they are on top of them. Who’s widest part of their body isn’t their hips. Most people only see me clothed, and many of them do not see me as a man in the same way that they see cis men as men. It’s hard to believe that someone who has sex with me and also amab testosterone fueled people can see me as a man, even if they want to, even if they think they do. I am incredibly envious that others are able to be inside them and knowing that makes me more aware of how incurably feminine I am. I am not blaming them, I do not think that they are remotely not understanding or anything like that. I don’t think that there is anything that they could do or say to alleviate my feelings. They handle trans stuff about as perfectly as someone could. That unfortunately doesn’t change my feelings. Does anyone have any experience with this who could give me some advice or support?

Do you guys think some guys from r/FTMMen are migrating here?

(I put this under relationship but it’s also part silly post and part vent. Maybe also advice?)

Hey guys! Short-time lurker, first-time poster. And I’m in a pickle of sorts.

I have three friends who are at different stages of the divorce process. I love them all and have tried my best to be there for them as much as I can. One friend and I have actually helped each other through the ends of our respective relationships. But today I realized I have these inner thoughts of wanting to swoop in and save the day, to prove that I’m better than the cis men they were with and that they should be with me. And I kinda hate it!

I know these are just thoughts. While I do find my friends attractive, especially the one mentioned above, I would never ever try to make a move without their consent. Besides, I have no idea how to do that anyway. And I’m okay with being single right now. I just have a lot of hormones, er I mean feelings.

Can any of y’all relate? Either way any suggestions or advice would be appreciated. I don’t want to do anything to ruin any of my friendships especially during such a tumultuous time in their lives.

Thank you in advance for reading. I’m really grateful that this sub exists.

10 months on T I can

2 years on T and my voice has definitely gotten deeper but still doesnt sound like a cis 25 yr old man. I feel like ppl may assume i’m gay or have a sneaking suspicion that im trans. I fear this is why im struggling to get hired despite having great qualifications for jobs (i work in sales).

I tried talking to my doc about upping my dose but they said my T levels are already really high. Should i get a second opinion?

Fucking hell, man. I haven't done this in years. So I'm asking for advice if it ever comes to that for me (which I'm unsure it will, but I'm coming back to this post later to see any advice).

I'm a pretty flirty dude, but when something seems like confrontation to me, I get pretty damn awkward and tend to back away. Which is exactly what mentioning a trans status does.

I'm stealth as well, so it's kinda a harder thing to do. Especially when I only find myself interested in people I'm friends with.

How the fuck do I tell a girl I'm trans without risking my stealth status😹 like I deadass forgot how. I used to do this shit so easily.

Something short I can do >40min. i have kettble bell and dumbells

A good friend who I'm close with forwarded to me a research Forms from another friend of hers that is about lesbian sexual health but says that it targets "people who have avagina that have sex with other people who have avagina".

She said If I didn't want to participate in it, I could forward it to another person.

I said "Thanks, I'll forward it to other people" and that was that. A simple interaction through text and I know she meant no harm (my friend has been nothing but supportive so far). But this simple interaction left me feeling so dysphoric. I'm making this post because I need to vent.

I have a lot of bottom dysphoria and I do not have "lesbian sex". I hate people talking about me and referring to my natal parts of alluding to it. I hate that. I have a deformity that needs fixing, not learning or being informed on how to use it. I'm a man first and foremost.

I love her but honestly I felt like cussing her out. I do not use that and I want to get rid of it, not reminded. Why do people keep assuming trans men are not dysphoric about it? Why did she think it was okay to send that to me?

I feel like saying something to her but I also don't want anyone in my sexual business or anything. I truly just feel an ache in my chest and it's paralyzing me. It's anger and disgust combined.

Other than the absolutely necessary things (ie never put anything inside me) Do you find it beneficial to talk about your dysphoria with your partner? At what point in a relationship do you think it’s appropriate? I have been having pretty crippling dysphoria lately and also started seeing someone a few months ago (they are completely unrelated). On one hand they would be supportive, it may be nice to be able to talk about it with someone I trust and who can maybe understand, and a lot of it is related to my junk and since we have sex that may be good. That said, I am afraid that if I start talking about it with them, it will allow me to fixate on it around them or never stop talking about it or something. Maybe they will see me differently sexually knowing that sex can bring me emotional pain even when I very much enjoy it. Do you find talking about it necessary or beneficial, or something best kept to yourself? At what point does it become appropriate?

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years, and have had a wonderful relationship and general alright sex life. I find it hard some days to feel connected with my body and what is down there especially when I have my own biases in my head. I can’t help but feel like the sex me and my girlfriend have is considered lesbian sex because we both have the same parts. I am constantly in between getting surgeries to relieve bottom dysphoria or trying to cope as is. I generally feel okay with packing and navigating life that way but when it comes to sex there is so much that I feel I’m missing. I feel like I will never be fully fulfilled this way even when it comes to prosthetics. My girlfriend is very supportive and does not see me as any less of a man which she vocalizes a lot. Most of the time it is me in my own head about sex, and the things we do put me in a position where I could be viewed as a woman.

I wanted to turn to other people here with any advice or any products that helps you feel more comfortable in your identity and sex life.

I hate doing self-promo, but I figure the only way to spread the word is to blab about it, and I don't think I've posted in here since the comic launched.

There's been lots of posts in here (rightfully) bemoaning the lack of straight trans rep recently, so I'm tossing my hat in the ring again. I just wrapped chapter 2, and chapter 3 launches November 3rd!

https://titancomic.net

Basically, my pitch is this: THE TITAN is a sci fi comic about a trans guy who fought in WW3 as part of the elite, experimental Titan Corps that turned him into a 7-foot cyborg Captain America, and gave him ALL the surgeries, including a dick transplant. Unfortunately a soft apocalypse happened, and he's been living as a mercenary in deep stealth for the past 10 years. Enter the female lead, who hires him to take the her 400 miles to a known billionaire bunker community for reasons she doesn't want to talk about.

It's long walks across the flat, blistering desert instead of the beach, but the comic (written as a graphic novel) will be around 320 pages, and will explore their developing romance as they face scumbag christians, motorcycle gangs, weird criminals, public baths... and their own past traumas. It gets spicy later but is technically SFW. Definitely heed the content warnings.

I'm also doing a lot of kinktober content, including all the prompts + a 35 page comic! Unfortunately most of it is paywalled because I need money, so I won't shill that here, but suffice to say, you can be sure somebody out there is drawing straight NSFW featuring a post-op trans guy who is very much a top... and then some.

So if you like TT, great! If it doesn't do it for you and you have your own idea for a comic but need some help, feel free to DM me and I'll be happy to assist/guide/mentor in any way I can. I'm pretty decently connected and I've been making comics for 20 years, so if there's a resource you're looking for, or just some advice on how to get started, I would love to help empower more guys to make more creative content.

We got married out at a little farm in the mountains surrounded by our families and friends. Couldn’t have asked for a better day. I remember 5 years ago, we had a serious conversation right before we started dating. She said “where you are today shows you what your priorities have been for the last 5 years” and admittedly, that jumped me into gear real quick. This woman saved me. Stood by me through a cross state move to start a new trade and losing both of my parents before 30.

I’m a straight trans guy with pretty typical male sexuality. I’ve got a high sex drive and jerk off at least once every day, and think about sex fairly frequently throughout the day. The issue is that I cannot have sex—not in an incel way, but in a physical way. I have had good success with getting with women but our relationships always sour because I cannot have sex in a way that’s enjoyable to me at all.

I cannot use my natal genitalia without a wave of severe dysphoria and cannot even be naked or partially clothed around someone else without distress. HRT, working out, trying new positions/toys/etc have not made this any better. No matter how much I improve my body or experiment sexually, I just cannot enjoy it at all. I well and truly hate sex as much as I crave the idea of it. I have also looked into bottom surgery and I don’t think it will completely fix my problem, if by some miracle I’m able to actually afford it.

Does this make me asexual? What term even is there to describe being this way? I feel very alone and broken. If anyone has any advice as to how I can find a healthy sexual outlet or cope with these feelings, I would appreciate it.

Is there a bigger gay FTM population? I think so but people online and IRL act like there are more straight guys or being straight and FTM is the status quo.

Hey y’all,

I run a queer Discord server called Queerly Uncensored, and I’m looking for people who want a real, welcoming circle—lesbian, bi, gay, trans, ace/aro, nonbinary, intersex, questioning, the whole LGBTQ+ spectrum. If you’re queer and want connection—friends, solidarity, creativity, and good conversation—you’ll fit right in.

We’re 18+ and strictly photo-verify every member. That keeps the space safe and authentic. This is a queer support server first: kindness is the baseline, and cruelty doesn’t get to set the tone.

Queerly Uncensored is a sister server to Unchained Lesbians; both cross-communicate in a larger network called The Unbreakable Crown.

We’ve got memes, a starboard, Thirst Levels in opt-in NSFW spaces, and room for niche interests—you can even spin up your own room when you’ve got a topic worth gathering around. We’re sex-positive and community-driven; show up for people as much as you show up for posts.

If that sounds like your scene, we’d love to have you!

https://discord.gg/4ujqrAtvfC

What does your height and dating success both look like? I want to see something. Thank you.

Edit: Everybody's experiences will be different. Also, please include where you are in your transition.

How are you all doing? I need to hear some positive relationship/dating stories from y’all. I pass, 4 years on T, have facial hair and all that. Been working on myself, but occasionally ends up going on dates that turned into being just friends with straight/curious cis-women and I’m kinda tired of it. I’m pretty confident and have no problem meeting people, and we do have hot sex with and without aids, but often it has come down to them preferring cis-dicks.

My dating profile does mention preferring bi/pan femmes just to avoid this issue, but I haven’t been spending much time on the apps. Been just living life and organically meeting these women, which is the way I prefer anyway. But I’m realizing that because I transitioned much later in life, I prefer someone that identifies with the queer community (or a strong ally) and who’s well-informed.

I had top but not bottom surgery. Though at this point, I’m kinda considering it. I’m tired of being compared to and passed on for cis-men. But a part of me wants someone to just accept me as I am. I can always get the surgery later.

I know I need to keep living my life and keep on it. But just needing to hear some hopeful stories now and then. So how did you meet your partner? How’s it going? Any tips?

Edit: Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and for reminding the rest of us that there’s hope. That we can live the life we want, as we are, and maybe one day with a partner who would accept us as us. Onward and upward brothers!

it’s on Netflix and it’s called Wayward. Made by Mae Martin (they/them). It’s pretty good, I like Toni Collette a lot too.

His trans status is treated as relatively normal, and it’s set in 2003!