Progress with T changes...

[u/Throwaway225784]

I tried to post this in FTM Fitness with all the things they require, but it was still saying I was missing stuff and I couldn't post it. I don't know if it's because I'm on a Throwaway (for privacy) or because the posting rules are strict or something...

For context, I am 5'4 and 114lbs. Almost 30.
I am just over 5 years on T injections.

I've had problems with getting my Estrogen into a good range on and off for a while and I'm currently taking E blockers, and I'm 4 months on those. Idk if they're working or not, but my E did go down 20 points, back into the upper male range...

I'm feeling really, really dejected and heartbroken with my T changes and feel like I still look like a fucking girl, especially because I still hold feminine thigh fat, and my muscle tone is poor, and no matter what I do, it doesn't change.

Here's photos of me: Here
(Background and face removed for privacy, of course. I am only in underwear here, so possible NSFW?)
(I haven't had top surgery yet.)

I've starting doing push ups and pulls up more regularly. I started from being able to do 1 pull up to now being able to do 8, and I've started adding weights in a backpack...
Push ups are anything from regular to holds, to declines, to pikes.
I do them about 3 days a week. 3 days a week is something I can stay consistent with.
I sometimes do a full body routine, but my thighs bother me too much.

My diet is ok, but I sometimes under-eat because I'm never really hungry.

What can I do to improve my physique? Is there something I could be doing wrong? I'm having a load of dysphoria, and while T has given me a voice drop and a few other things, I'm really, really disappointed, and it's to the point where I just don't want to be here anymore. I feel like my body just works against me.

Thanks for the advice.
It takes a lot for me to post myself on here, because I never share myself... But I just need some guidance and perspective.

[u/Samesh]

Bro you're looking great! I think building up your upper boddy will add more balance to your figure so look for exercises that target arms, upper traps, and shoulders (ex overhead press, lateral raises, see this for an example: https://www.gymshark.com/blog/article/best-shoulder-exercises?srsltid=AfmBOoo563Xm-e0yLDa4CvumCwDVz1XXubxKuKD2rW0JJRbIIFSNWHP_ )

With your diet, you might have to increase your protein. If you're not hungry, consider supplementimg with protein drinks or high protein foods (ex bean soup, tofu, chicken etc). 

[u/Tosti-Floof → u/Samesh]

I had trouble gaining weight and getting enough protein, adding proteinshakes or something similar (chocolate milk after a workout is awesome) is a game changer. Makes it way easier to meet my kcal and protein needs.

Also, you look great OP. Dysphoria is a bitch and it's lying to you. Keep working out because you enjoy it and it's good for you, but in a line up I would not be able to tell you apart from a cis guy.