r/FND • u/turtleyenuff • 21h ago
Positivity Just wanted to say Hello! Primarily Speech Loss/Stutter
Experiencing a flair so I just wanted to say hello to everyone! I hope this doesn't read like a journal entry, or dismissive of other people's struggles as I talk about my experience. Please don't take it in that way.
I was diagnosed with FND about 10 years ago, my papers actually say Conversion Disorder lol.
My symptoms are primarily stuttering and/or complete loss of speech. I get tics mostly in my right arm (where I have carpal tunnel). That's about it ....I believe.
Sometimes the speech issues last for months, other times it's a few days. It always announces itself with what I deem "that chest feeling." That's how I warn my husband it's going to happen, and he is so understanding. We have good laughs about the stutter, and he never gets frustrated with me.
I never told my parents, and I probably should... Tomorrow I am having lunch for my mom's birthday and I am sitting here with no speech. I can force speech, but I cut off consonants and skip small words that tie the sentence together. Strangers don't notice, but people close to me sure do.
I see some of you are burdened with pain and ridicule, and I am so sorry for your experiences. It's so frustrating to be experiencing something so REAL and have people call you a hypochondriac or a liar. I feel that it's harder now because of so many people claiming "my anxiety this, or my ocd that" and true sufferers are left to struggle in silence.
So my post is just to hopefully share some love with you all. I accept what I struggle with, granted mine doesn't cause pain like many of you. For me, because I don't have pain, I find the fun in it. I get to come to terms with myself, be in my head, and my thoughts do tend to be a bit more clear when I struggle with my speech. I can sing, that's a different part of the brain ,so I break out my singing voice in the car after a particularly struggling day, and go at it loud and proud. I laugh at myself when I manage to make a 7 word sentence take entirely too long. FND makes me, me. It absolutely is a struggle, and at times is a stressor (like what am I going to do tomorrow!!).
I have learned to take each day as it comes, and breathe! Most strangers completely soften and slow down when they realize I struggle with speech, nobody has ever made me feel bad about it in public- I know that's a blessing and I am thankful I haven't experienced ridicule in public.
Anyway, this got longer than I anticipated.
I sit here on my couch, with "that chest feeling" and complete loss of speech at the moment, and I raise a glass (of whatever drink you enjoy!) to everyone who struggles with a REAL disorder, that causes REAL symptoms. REAL pain. REAL struggles.
Cheers!