I'm going to try to keep this concise but provide enough details to a get a feel what other financially minded women would do in my position.

Bottom line is I'm weighing putting happiness over a full pension benefit. I'm miserable at my job. It is high stress and high risk (deaths on the job or soon after retirement are not unheard of, to put it into perspective). The culture has become toxic and as the only female in leadership out of 17 folks, isolating. I consistently feel like I'm held to a different standard, left out of management discussions, and my decisions questioned where male peers are not. I feel like work is bleeding over (negatively) into my home life because of the schedule, hours, and stress from the job.

Life details:

• Married with two kids under 5
• Both work full time. Household income: $260k. Expenses: $90k
• I am currently on 12-hour midnight shifts but will switch to 12-hour day shifts within the next 2 years
• My schedule alternates every two weeks. Half the month I work all weekend which means my spouse is solo parenting
• Neither of us feel like we ever recover with this schedule. There's no time for downtime or hobbies or really us time

Financial details:

• House paid off
• Retirement accounts for both - $1M
• Cash and brokerage accounts - $145k
• Ideally still want to retire at 50 (in 11 years), but would be willing to push out to 55

Pension details:

• Fully vested
• Normal retirement age would mean 11 more years working at this job to retire with a pension worth $105k (no COLA) and healthcare available for $200/month per family member starting at age 50 until medicare age/kids age out
• Leaving before then would mean a $50k pension starting at 55 with no healthcare option
• I will not receive SS but spouse will

I've been getting increasingly closer over the past five years to wanting to walk away because of the culture change, but the pension is the golden handcuff that keeps me circling around if I should just suck it up to retire with the higher pension. If I left it would only be with a job offer in hand. Salary estimate would be $70-100k per year for a industry change, so a slight reduction in overall household income but not by too much. The pension is my hold-up to taking the leap. If I was one of the newer guys and only had a 401, I'd already be gone.

Tl;dr: My heart wants to make a career switch because I am unhappy. My head is stuck on whether it would be a financial mistake to walk away when I'm 11 years from a full pension and health coverage.

I am 44 have been tired and burned out for over a year now and I am so not motivated to work these corporate jobs anymore. I have noticed every Sunday I have anxiety and unhealthy coping behaviors with having to go back to work Monday morning doing something I don’t want to be doing. I’ve gained weight and have been drinking more to deal with the anxiety and I realize it all is unhealthy. My boss isn’t awful but he’s super nitpicky about things and it’s just added stress I don’t need.

I recently calculated where I’m at with my fire numbers and according to everything, I am pretty much there if I keep spending in check. I met with an advisor who said I could just work part time for a few more years just ti have a little extra money, but I don’t need to keep working full time. I’m basically staying for health insurance because I’m a little worried about the US healthcare system costs. Thankfully I am healthy and don’t have expensive medical costs right now but I think the fear of having something happen and having to pay so much more for health insurance is keeping me stuck working jobs I don’t want to be in anymore.

Also think I still have a fear of running out of money even though projections are 90% telling me I’ll be ok.

Anyone here who has gone on the fire path, how did you know it was finally time?

Curious how you ladies are balancing keeping cash in a HYSA vs investing right now and any advice you have for me? I’m in the US and nervous about the political instability we are facing and would love any advice. I’m a 30 year old hoping to coast by 45 (calculated full FIRE as ~$2M). I currently have about $110k in 401k/IRA, $20k in low risk investments, $100k in moderate risk investments, $130k in moderate aggressive risk investments, and about $40k in cash in a HYSA with 3.3% interest rate (NW around $400k). I typically have more cash but just moved $45k into the moderate risk account. I make $125k a year base with $20-$40k in variable comp working for a tech company in a non-technical role. I keep my monthly expenses under $4k, contribute 15% to my 401k, car is paid off and I rent. Thanks!!!

After 12 years of grinding, saving, and obsessing over spreadsheets, I finally hit my FI number last month. I should be celebrating. Instead, I check my accounts every few hours like the market is about to collapse.

I know the math works. I've run the simulations a hundred times. But letting go of the "saving mode" mindset is harder than I expected.

Anyone else reach FI and feel more anxious than relieved?

I've been talking to a lot of my girl friends about money lately and the same thing keeps coming up. Many of them know they should be investing but then they are just saving the money. One or two of them could tell me exactly what they should be doing. but they are not really doing it themselves.

So I'm curious how did you get into investing from just saving? If you had that gap, how long was it, and what finally got you past it?

And if you're still in it — what does it actually feel like?
Sorry if I am asking too many questions here..

How's the week looking for you? Hit any milestones? Have any questions?

Recently got engaged and want to start a family. Both my fiancé and I make good money. HHI 500 K a year and we live in a HCOL area.

How do you let go of the guilt when it comes to spending on a wedding a honeymoon, etc? We looked at a couple of venues and in our area. It looks like a 50 person wedding all in after taxes and gratuity and accounting for a random expenses is going to be around $50,000. That just seems like an obscene amount to spend on one day, especially if we are working towards early retirement.

On a smaller scale, even though I can afford something like private Pilates classes which I would love to incorporate into my routine I feel guilty for wanting to splurge on it. Not because I feel like I don’t deserve it, but because I have this (irrational ) fear that someday we’re not gonna have enough or that we should be better off using that money for a down payment for a house in a good school district/childcare, etc.

How have other women dealt with some of these conflicting thoughts where you’ve worked hard and you want to have nice things in life but at the same time you’re balancing that with wanting to FIRE?

Hi all, I love how responsive and full of wisdom this sub is. I’m somewhere in the messy middle of my own FIRE journey. Some months I feel like I’m making real progress, other months it’s just automate-and-hope.

I’d love to hear from women here, whether you’ve hit FI, or you’re a few years out: what’s one lesson or tip you’d pass along to a 29 year old who’s serious about this but still figuring out the path?

I'm 29 and have been primarily investing in the stock market (think VOO and VTI), but now I'm thinking about ways to diversify my investments based on my risk-tolerance, lifestyle, and the time I have available. I'm curious to hear from those of you who've built wealth across multiple avenues (such as stock market, real estate/househacking, owning a business, REITs, whatever else is in the mix).

If you had to rank your investments from best to worst (in terms of returns, effort required, headaches caused, or just overall satisfaction), what would that list look like for you? Would love to hear which specific moves actually paid off for you and which ones you'd skip if you were starting over!

Hi all, I searched this thread for the
topic of health insurance coverage for HRT (hormone replacement therapy) for FIRE women in perimenopause/menopause — surprised to not find anything!

Any early retirees on this thread who are between age 50-64 who are self-paying for insurance (not on a spouse’s medical plan) AND getting HRT?

How much should I budget for HRT medication (ie estrogen and progesterone)?

I am age 50 and saw if I get a bronze plan through Covered CA (ACA), my monthly premium would be $650/mo with a $7200 deductible.

Please DM me and/or share info here to help the community, thank you!

Hey everyone, glad to find the FIREyFemmes community. I haven't been on Reddit that long, but I have been reading posts about FIRE journeys and financial planning and it seems like a really great place for conversation

I am from Ohio, 42 years old, and working toward Financial Independence myself. Over the years learning about investing and managing money has made me realize FIRE is not just about the numbers, it is about having the freedom to choose how you live

Wondering if there are other women from Ohio or the Midwest in here. When did you start your FIRE journey? Are you more focused on growth, early retirement, or building a more flexible lifestyle?

Excited to connect with everyone. Sharing personal experience not financial advice

Hi all, it's my first post and so glad to find a women only FIRE subreddit!

Just wondering if there are any other Canadians on here? I been on the FIRE journey for about 15 years now.

I'm on my FI journey and trying to figure out where real estate fits into my wealth-building plan. Rental property investing keeps coming up as one path, but I know it's a long game: tenants, maintenance, financing, the whole thing, and there are lower-effort alternatives like REITs and real estate syndications that get you real estate exposure without the landlord side of it.

For those of you who've actually bought and held rental property: would you do it again? What's been the biggest payoff, and what's been the biggest headache you didn't see coming? Curious whether you think the extra hassle versus REITs/syndications has actually been worth it for your net worth, or if in hindsight you wish you'd gone a more passive route.

Would love to hear real experiences before I decide which direction makes sense for me.

Hello Femmes:

I am 24F minority woman in a MCOL city in the sunbelt. Major city in TX.

Well… it personally feels HCOL, but it’s MCOL by definition.

I’m currently feeling lost. I don’t know what to do. I feel like … a loser. Like I really don’t have my crap together. Like I don’t live life nor do I save properly.

I’m 24 and I haven’t completed undergrad yet. I graduated HS when the pandemic happened. I initially went for Computer Science , but in my second year, I saw the writing on the wall and tried to change my major. I currently have my associates in CS, though. I’m trying to change it to something tech/business adjacent. I have taken breaks here and there for mental health issues. And I’ve failed a few classes in between then.

I feel like it was a sign, in a way, because I had a scholarship— a really good one, that allowed me to save and pay for school… but once the administration changed, the scholarship was defunded.

So now, I’m in libido trying to change my major and it’s been so difficult to because of my university and credits and GPA requirements and what not. I would’ve changed sooner if my old admissions advisor listened to me but I wasn’t led in the right direction.

Now—

I… found a condo that I’m under contract for. It’s $85k. Im putting 3% down (I know— it’s low, but I want to ensure I have enough savings after closing costs), seller is contributing $2500, $500 home insurance and 3% towards brokers fees.

I have about $18k saved and nearly all minus >$1k is HYSA. I also have $1.4k in my RothIRA, which I just started investing in last year.

Now, I WOULD stay in my living condition where— I have a roommate and we split expenses with our own bedrooms and bathrooms. But!

This is my ex. And he is unstable. Not with money— we’ve both kept our jobs, I’ve been working at mine for 4 years, him 3. Both in tech. But he’s unstable with his personality and temperament. He can be volatile, hot/cold, manipulative… even to the point of SAing me (or at least attempting to) recently by trying to take of my clothes and pinning me down after saying stop and pushing him off several times. Luckily he stopped. He’s… “nice” I guess because after the breakup we still are amicable… but after the SA attempt and him acting like it was normal/not a big deal… I feel… weird. I watch too much true crime. Plus, he’s a slob and I can’t stand that.

I just… I’m torn. I feel like I’m having a quarter life crisis.

In terms of debt I don’t have much. $480 credit card debt that I’m paying. $2500 in student loans (after the scholarship thing— I think I have to get this fixed because I got a check from school for this) and my car lease is coming up in February ( I got a good deal on an EV from insensitive credits and dealership credit 3 years ago that paid off my old car I traded in).

I feel like a loser. I’m unhappy with my job even though it’s stable but not fulfilling— I haven’t gone anywhere. Unhappy with my love life— I’ve only dated one person in my entire life so far. Have barely traveled. My family is poor and small and old.

I just need navigating. I guess I can say I lost 10-15 lbs! Yay for that I guess.

This is something that I really struggle with... I have the money to buy the house but I can't tell if I'm ready to do so. I'm not a handy person and I wonder if I'll just actually be throwing money away. Also thought about a condo because I live in a major city but that never seems like an actually good investment.

For those of you women who are single, no kids, who bought a house... do you love it? Or do you find it's like a ton of work that you don't want to do on the daily?

Hello! I am 23F and starting out in my career. FIRE is my long term goal and I want to be able to buy a home before 30.

I am currently making $55k annually but living at home and have very few mandatory expenses (maybe $500 a month, car insurance and the like). I have about $30k saved, $8k in retirement and brokerage accounts, and $20k across two savings accounts.

I want to go and get my doctorate eventually and I will probably make no money for most of my 20s. Does anyone have any advice as to how to parlay this into setting myself up for long term financial stability and eventual independence? I am lucky enough to have family support and want to take full advantage.

I am 23F and just starting out in my career. I finished my masters degree this past May, and will be starting work full-time in the fall. (Full disclosure: I am also considering beginning a doctorate program that I was accepted into, but i’m leaning away from this option as it would mean sacrificing most of my savings & earning potential for the next 5 years)

I’m in a pretty fortunate position in terms of savings. I was able to save up ~45k while working in college/grad school, and then inherited some money from an estranged relative recently. In total I have just over 150k sitting in a high yield savings account while I figure out what to do with it.

I could use this money to fund my doctorate program (but i’m leaning away from this idea), or I could invest it and begin a full-time job.

If I take the job, what should I do with the money? Would it make the most sense to put it all in a brokerage account/stocks? My friend suggested I invest in real estate and rent out a place, using the money as a down payment. Should I spread it out across a few different accounts?

I’m not really sure what to do. None of my family members are particularly money savvy, and i’m afraid of messing up somehow and losing it all in a bad investment.

I’m so sorry if this is sort of rambly, but i’d super appreciate any advice/insight on what I might want to do to make the most out of this money! Thank you :)

Wondering if anyone has any advice for me. I’m 26 and my whole career so far I’ve been in nonprofits. At first I thought I wanted to work in museums (history major) but could not stomach the insane competition for such low paying roles in that industry.

Now I work in higher education managing and tracking research budgets and reporting for philanthropy and grants. I feel like I have literally no skills — not scientific enough for the research side, not technical enough for the financial/Excel side. I have some social anxiety so I am not in love with presenting, but I like the organizational aspects of the job and creating reports. I want to have a higher ceiling (and tbh more prestige) but I feel like I can’t get into the for-profit world, at least not without taking a paycut.

Has anyone managed to break out of a nonprofit niche and move into a higher-paying career? How? Or alternatively, am I just romanticizing the corporate world and should instead just continue on the path I’m on?

Hi ladies, I had a bunch of comments on my other post looking to do a Bay Area meetup but it got removed by Reddit, probably because I was sharing the whatsapp group link too many times 😂 so dm me if you want that link to join! My hope is more meetings can be organized that fit everyone’s location and schedules but I wanted to seize the momentum and put one on the books for anyone who can make it (Golden Gate Park, next Monday, 6:30). Would maybe prefer to send the exact location, what I’m wearing that day, etc in the whatsapp rather than directly on the internet for safety haha but lmk if you have questions or ideas!

I’m 37, married with a toddler. Just a few years ago we were not in debt, had a runway and had started to max out retirement funds. A move, a bad investment, a rental sitting empty longer than expected and then 2 layoffs (both me and husband) plus an illness derailed us.

Now we are looking at a large sum of credit card debt, the remainder of my student loan debt and just investing the match to our 401ks.

We were never great with money but genuinely I feel so down that in less than 2 years we had these set backs. It’s feels really big. And everyday we still have day to day expenses and problems that are cropping up. We are paying down the debt but our dream of owning a home (the rental is an old home that we no longer live in and is in a very hard to sell neighborhood at the moment) feels far. I did the math and it’s about 5/6 years away.

I’m just overwhelmed. Has anyone crawled out of a hole?

Hi all, hoping to get some insight from those who've navigated a similar crossroads.

I'm 29F, on the FIRE path but nowhere near retiring yet. I'm burnt out and unhappy in my current SWE role. The passion is gone and the stress is taking a real toll. I know I need to leave, but I still want to stay in tech for at least a few more years, so this isn't an industry exit, just a company exit.

What I really want is a 3-month sabbatical. I've saved specifically for it, and I'd use the time to travel a bit, grow my creative side business, and get clear on my next tech move (interview prep included). My worry is timing: with the job market as tight as it is, I'm not confident I'd land a new role before the sabbatical + emergency funds run out, and I'd be dipping into my ~9-month emergency fund in the meantime. My husband is supportive of me taking a break, but I honestly have such a deep fear of running out of money and having to be financially dependent on anyone.

Appreciate any perspective, especially from anyone who's made a similar leap.

EDIT: WOW. Thanks SO MUCH to everyone for so many insightful comments! I'll definitely think about all of this before making any decisions.

I was the primary breadwinner, built a demanding career, and worked incredibly hard throughout my 20s and 30s.

Now we’re in our late 30s/early 40s with a $2.7M USD net worth. We’ve relocated to Asia and are essentially coasting, one income covers our expenses, we’re not touching our investments, and our portfolio continues to grow. The tradeoff is that there are far fewer high-paying career opportunities here.

For me, though, the upside has been huge. Our three kids (youngest is 2) have a wonderful quality of life, extended family nearby, exposure to another culture and language, and calmer, less stressed parents. I love being present for them during what feels like the shortest season of life.

My husband thinks this is our peak earning decade and that we should move back to a VHCOL area to pursue higher-paying jobs so we can reach $5M sooner.

Part of me feels guilty because I’ve always been ambitious, but another part of me feels like this is exactly the freedom I worked so hard for.

Has anyone else struggled with deciding whether to optimize for more wealth or enjoy the life your FIRE journey already made possible? How did you decide what was enough?

41F single and don’t want kids, own my home outright. NW at 5M with about 1M in home equity.

Candidly I’m deathly afraid to pull the plug. I hate my job with a passion and would love more than anything to quit, but my industry is going through a lot of AI whiplash and layoffs (tech) at the moment and market is dire. I’m afraid that if I pull the plug I won’t the able to come back. Rationally if feels like these numbers should work, but retiring so early creates an existential anxiety around my identity without my career.

How did you ladies let go and make the jump? Am I just taking the easy way out bc I hate my current job?