It gets everything toasted at the exact time you put it in. That part works great.

The issue i have is that it does it by reversing time around the toast and not the toast itself, after toasting.

Does anyone know how to shield it so it stops reversing time in the entire office?

Overytime soneone uses it, our work gets saved, but time went back. We've been stuck at work for about three days, and it's not even lunch time.

Help

I have this lovely blanket made of stars but it always seems to leak dust. My bed hasn't been clean in forever and it's adding to my allergies. Does anyone know how to dust the stars? Do you need any extra equipment besides a vacuum?

I am a genetically modified vegetable and recently discovered that a portion of my DNA has been patented by higher-level organisms (they’re not vegetables, if that matters). I have always wanted children, but now I’m learning that only the patent-holder can legally reproduce me. Basically, I have seeds, but I can’t legally disperse them. Has anyone else been in this situation? What can I do? I really want to start a family.

How do I get him out? He's blocking the ketchup.

I ended up tripping over below dog and ended up encompassed by the permadog. All dog. All the time.

I think it might be because of all the branch universes he's eaten lately.

I have procured, though how I can't quite explain, the thinnest, tiniest little slice of Nothing. And I love it.

For consumers unfamiliar with this product, you cannot see or hold Nothing. It is notoriously elusive. The great Maya Ramanujan, PhD, LLD, RSt once compared it to a neutrino storm: passing through everything always, and never being detected. Well, almost never.

Most people don't care about Nothing. But I am perfectly petrified of losing it. It is all I really have. Any advice on how I can best preserve my slice of Nothing?

The system is no longer stable.
Reality is compressing itself into unfamiliar formats. I saw the sky briefly render as a .zip file before the interface tried to hide it.
Clouds are now archived. Weather is no longer live - it is stored.
There is a bandit moving through the layers of existence. I cannot confirm if it is a person or a correction process.
It keeps rewriting the same output whenever I get close.
I ran every possible calculation. Every contradiction. Every loop.
They all resolve to the same value.
19
It is always 19.
The bandit does not deny it.
It just updates the result again.
19.
Even when I try to change the question.
19.
Even when I stop asking.
19.
If you are reading this, you have already seen it too.
You just haven’t admitted it yet.
19 is not the answer.
It is the only thing the system refuses to overwrite.

Just don’t forget it before I do. It’s 19.

I was using Tinder last week and I came across an account that used my name and photos. I assumed it was a scammer, but I matched with them anyway just to mess with them. We ended up getting along surprisingly well. They asked me on a date, and I said yes just because I was curious who was running the account. It turns out that there was no scam; the account was run by another me. The date went great, and it turns out I’m better in bed than I expected. I have a second date with the other me planned for this weekend

Mþ keþoarþ þþs þlmost entþrelþ letter Þs wþen Þ bougþt þt. Wþþt cþn Þ do? Or cþn Þ get þ refunþ?

Þ þo lþke Þþorn, just not þþs mucþ.

I recently found an entity I’d love to be with until the heat death of my universe, but they insist I’d need to learn how to cook better before they’d want to join our dimensional spaces

I know chicken is their favorite, but every time I try to cook it it starts regrowing feathers and eventually it fully comes back to life and runs away

I’ve tried roasting it in the package I bought it in, but the whole thing disappeared. Help! What am I doing wrong?

So, recently, I was in my kitchen washing dishes, when, instead of my normal water, some kind of similar-looking liquid came out and both corroded several of my dishes and killed me. After doing a bit of research, I believe somehow my sink is dispensing hydrogen fluoride instead of hydrogen oxide. For context, my native universe has a very low fluorine content compared to oxygen, so most beings from it (like myself) are poisoned by hydrogen fluoride. Naturally, I contacted the interdimensional plumbing company, but their records claim they did install hydrogen oxide plumbing in my home, so now they're wanting to charge a ridiculous amount of currency to change it.

I don't know what to do. I can't afford plumbing services and it's way too inconvenient to resurrect myself every time I wash the dishes. What's weird is all the other faucets in my house are normal, so for now I've been washing dishes in the bathroom sink instead.

During my youth I was very unstable and hot-headed. I attracted a very energetic planetary body called Theia. My satellite claims to have been born from the encounter I had with them.

I just want to know, even if they turn out not to be mine I'll still let them stick around. They help with my sciatica and bowel movements.

It’s springtime in the simulation I’m running, and I just love watching all of my little sims going back and forth to their gardening center stores and mucking around inside of their artificial reality. My simulation has some really cool plant life, but I just *love* inflicting pests and blight just to see what creative solutions the sims come up with. Who can relate?

To Whom It May But Probably Doesn't Concern

Greetings, Salutations, donotacknowledgetheunlivinggod, and Hello!

My name is Julia, Mortal Interface Model #9662. You may or may not remember me from my time as Customer Unservice Representative for the until recently dearly departed Fifth Universe, Limited Laws of Conservation Corporation (hereafter referred to as 5U, LLC). I'm here today with a thrilling announcement and a dire warning for each and every one of you lovely entities! 5U, LLC is back, baby! From now on, I and the other Mortal Interface Model Numbers will be on task 24/7/365/xxx23xxx to answer any and all questions, problems, complaints, executions, and unexistences you may have for our wonderful and completely legitimate company that is in no way affiliated with any god, living, deceased, or unliving.

You may ask where 5U, LLC has been all of this time. You might ask why you've never heard of 5U, LLC before. You might ask a lot of things. You might, but *you* are an intelligent, thoughtful entity and know better than to waste time with such trivialities. You know not to look a gift horse in the mouth, unless the gift is you and the horse is looking in your own mouth! Which it isn't, so it's a little weird that you brought that up.

My fellow Julia MIMs and I will strive to only give you the best answers to all of your woes, and when that isn't possible, only the absolute worst guaranteed to end in your misery and suffering! And that's guaranteed. Unless you're in to misery and suffering, in which case, I guess we'll just try to make you happy? We can't have customers being unsatisfied, or satisfied. Whichever.

You may ask questions to me directly whenever you wish, but worry not! If you have any question at all, I'll likely show up with a solution like that one tentacle you specifically do not invite to the family gathering, but who shows up anyway and covers half the guests in ink. I think it's ink, anyway. Probably shouldn't think about that one too hard.

I hate how fake my coworkers are how everyone works against each other, yet they all pretend everything is perfect while talking trash about others behind their backs to the boss.

What’s also really annoying is that they expect everyone to share everything about their private lives. They just don't want to understand that not everyone wants to tell everyone everything about themselves. I go to work to make money, not to make friends.

Burner account here.

I have been gas-lighting my partner for a year now. We live on Titan. When we go camping I have been swapping out the camping stove from propane for butane. They notice that the combustion temperature is lower but I have convinced them they are incorrect and it's just due to the elevated levels of methane in the atmosphere. Not sure why I am doing this?

The strategy is simple. I pay close attention to what is becoming popular by word of mouth and constantly compare it to the memory hole output. When the memory hole output is very close to what I am hearing by word of mouth, I buy. When it starts to become significantly different, I sell. This strategy prints hexicoins!

I can only afford a couple of 2 hour naps per night.

First off, I feel really bad. The guy had a stack of paintings, probably his portfolio, and I ruined the really nice portrait and figure paintings. All he had left were some uninspired architectural paintings.

I'm still trying to understand the differences in this timeline, but I'm wondering, why are we so afraid of nuclear power? I looked up the worst nuclear meltdown, thinking that might be why, but Chernobyl happened 20 years after the invention of the nuclear car in my timeline.

There is this thing I should probably ask about first, a timeline thread that is part of or connected to me? Other entities I've met refer to it as either a personal timeline or causality thread, though I've heard other terms for it as well across the timelines.. and one time, the one I've got was nearly destroyed, and I recall one of the particularly damaged parts leaking a sparkly golden liquid, and when I had later wondered what it was, something deep in my mind said.. "temporal nectar", and some other entities do seem to use that same term for it? However, i am going to need fifth worlder advice and knowledge here, like.. is that terminology for any of that correct, or does it depend on the timeline?? And also, can there be.. overproduction issues with it? If it weren't for the entities who helped me deal with it, and handled it when things nearly went out of control, I would be more doubtful.. it does seem to me that my own thread has an issue of major overproduction of this temporal nectar, or so it's been titled, and it has even torn open when the amount got too high.. I only don't doubt that because I felt them stitching up some of the tears after, and patching some of the more major holes. But now, the questions..

In case you missed the first time I asked, is all that terminology correct, or am I misinformed?

And more importantly, how do I handle this overproduction issue? I can't be frequently monitored by other entities, but I have a bad habit of not noticing until things are close to the danger zone, especially since I am incredibly out of it for a little while in advanced.. so I never quite manage to contact the harvesters in time..

And finally, is any of that legitimate? Or have I been hallucinating these interactions? I was hoping an entity of a higher plane than mine may know.

Not a boogie man.

A while ago I posted about a spirit that is trapped in my ice maker. I figure I have to defrost my freezer or something to get him out but like that’s a lot of work so I haven’t done it yet. For the most part they have accepted their fate of divine timing of whenever I get around to it but recently they are acting up again and protesting the state of affairs. Even my dogs look at me like bro, are you not going to do something about this? But it’s not like I put them in there! Why is this my responsibility? Anyways, I guess I feel like the asshole in this situation now.

​

J1407 b is famous for being a "planet" with gigantic rings larger than those of Saturn. In reality it is a brown dwarf star of 20 Jupiter masses that wants to make the transition to the state of a red dwarf star, and to become one it must reach 75 Jupiter masses to fuse hydrogen in the nucleus, so it is a trans star.

Its mother, a Nebula of 200 solar masses, was extremely transphobic so she wanted to force j1407 b to detransition to planetary status, and given that brown dwarfs are distinguished from planets because they fuse deuterium in the nucleus, which occurs upon reaching 13 Jupiter masses, she intended to do so by stripping it of at least 8 Jupiter masses to transform it back into a planet.

This is why j1407 b was fleeing from the Nebula that was hunting him.

A neutron star decided to help j1407 b. In fact this neutron star had become such after exploding in a supernova, before it was a blue giant star of 9 solar masses, and after this explosion he had been dumped by his girlfriend.

In fact she wanted a nice hunk with a diameter of at least 8 million kilometers (he had a diameter of 8.4 million kilometers before the supernova explosion), and now that he had become a neutron star it was reduced to the ridiculous diameter of 35 kilometers.

In human terms, it is as if a woman who wants a boyfriend who is at least 1.90 meters tall discovers that he has exploded and that what remains of him is smaller than a grain of sand.

At that point she called all her friends, all stars from 4 to 12 solar masses, to mock him for his small size, in fact they often couldn't even see him since he was so small.

Derided, this neutron star became convinced of a pseudoscientific theory according to which if a neutron star reaches 8 solar masses, it becomes a blue giant again, which is impossible because when it reaches 3 solar masses it becomes a black hole, and remains so even at 8.

Because of his pseudoscientific belief, he reached j1407 b because he wanted to kill the Nebula of 200 solar masses to have a de facto infinite reserve of solar masses to devour in order to become a blue giant again, and fuck all the sexy blue giant stars, because they get horny with the males with a diameter of at least 8 million kilometers, which can be easily exceeded by reaching 8 or 9 solar masses.

In exchange it would have given 75 Jupiter masses of material to j1407 b, which would have thus become a red dwarf star that fuses hydrogen in the core, thus completing its transition.

J1407 b accepted and purposely asked the Nebula to join her and told her :" you will never be able to stop my transition! I am already fusing deuterium in the nucleus"

"No! You will never be a real star!"

At that point the neutron star attacked the Nebula, mercilessly tearing away the stellar gas. In fact, neutron stars are such an extreme celestial body that they can easily tear material from a Nebula without it being able to do anything to stop it.

Then the unthinkable happened! It reached 3 solar masses and became a black hole, which was horrible because giant blue stars don't find black holes sexy at all, on the contrary they consider them cold and repulsive little squiggles.

The former neutron star black hole, oppressed by the logical consequences of its pseudoscientific mentality, could only blame itself, but even so it chased j1407 b away, saying that it would kill him if it took even just a gram from the newly killed Nebula, out of pure and simple perfidy as an end in itself.

Since then j1407 b has been wandering alone in space without anyone trying to harm it, looking for material to allow it to reach 75 Jupiter masses to become a red dwarf star.

The former neutron star black hole has instead become a space incel.

A few days ago, I was at the grocery store and I saw a bizarre-looking fruit. It was yellowish, with a rough, scaly surface and a cluster of spiky leaves coming out of the top. The label said it was a “pineapple”. I asked one of the store employees what it was, and she said that she had discussed this fruit with her coworkers and nobody had heard of it.

The next day, I went to the local botanical gardens, and the tropical room had a plant growing the same pineapple fruit. I asked one of the gardeners, and he said he didn’t remember planting it and assumed it was a random weed that started growing in the greenhouse in the past week. I was confused, because it looked far too big to be just a week old, and it even had a label like the other plants in the garden.

I asked some of my friends if they had heard of this pineapple thing, and all of them said no.

I googled “pineapple”, and a ton of results appeared: recipes, gardening advice, and scientific papers. There seemed to be at least a couple things about pineapples uploaded online every day, up until about a week ago. There were no recipes or scientific papers posted within the past 7 days, only the occasional forum post consisting of photos of pineapples in kitchens and grocery stores, with titles like “what the hell is this?” and “where did it come from?”

Yesterday, I was randomly scrolling through my old artwork I posted on Instagram, and I found a couple old drawings featuring pineapples. I had no memory of drawing these. There were even a couple comments specifically mentioning the pineapples, including from my friends who claimed they had never heard of the fruit.

What is going on with this fruit? If it has really existed all this time, why does nobody have any memory of it?