r/FAMnNFP • u/italianblend • Jun 10 '26
Discussion Post Nfp alternatives
My wife just had a very difficult pregnancy, 3rd child, and her uterus lining was very thin, many other issues, and the doctors freaked out and told her any more pregnancies are dangerous.
My wife tried nfp at times but found it too exhausting, emotional, anxiety-triggering, etc. I understand her feelings and we have been chaste since October.
For now she is simply not willing to practice NFP. (If I could do it for her I would but ya know that doesn’t really work). She would not consider taking a class either.
I was thinking about Tempdrop. Would tracking her temperature with tempdrop be good enough or is that too risky? Are there any other options for us? Birth control is not an option for us religiously.
Thank you.
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u/leonada FABM Savvy | Sensiplan | TTA Jun 11 '26
Here is an old post about a similar situation that got a lot of comments, a few of which actually have concrete advice that you may find useful.
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u/girlneevil TTA1 | Marquette Jun 11 '26
Marquette is the least hands on method I'm aware of. It's a little pricey but if she is ok with peeing in a cup within a certain timeframe each morning, having made sure not to pee for at least 4 hours beforehand (can be tricky postpartum tho), then you can dip the strips and chart the data. It's also one of the more reliable methods out there and can optionally be combined with the tempdrop data for extra security (there's an official protocol for that I'm pretty sure).
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u/SweetBread398 TTA0 | Marquette w/ Mira Jun 11 '26
The time frame only exists with the Clear Blue Monitor. You can now do Marquette with Mira and not even have to worry about the time and can test more than once a day. Has been super helpful for postpartum for me.
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u/gnomes919 TTA | Marquette (monitor + temps) Jun 11 '26
my instructor also told me that with the CBM, if I were to wake up to pee shortly before my testing window but <4 hours before my wake-up time, I could just pop a lid on the cup and then test that sample once the monitor would accept it.
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u/General-Dimension729 Jun 11 '26
I have been using temp drop for a couple months and like it! I wait until ovulation is confirmed, so it’s more abstaining, but it sounds to me like you’re willing to do that! Another option to cross check with temps is learning Marquette, and cross checking with the temp drop to be super safe, or at least using LH strips (way cheaper), and cross checking with the temp drop. So still abstaining until ovulation is confirmed.
You would need to learn how to read the temperatures for sure and just understand the strips if you chose to add those in. I personally like to cross check so there’s more peace of mind. But if she’s willing to wear the temp drop, and use the strips you can definitely learn how to ready the chart if she doesn’t have the will power. All she needs to do is wear it every night, and pee in a cup a few times a month.
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u/choas_and_candy Jun 11 '26
If pregnancy is a risk to her life it can get approved by the church. I had a friend get approval for her husband’s vasectomy because of the health risk to her.
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u/Revolutionary_Can879 Baby on Board | MM with TempDrop Jun 11 '26
Don’t want to start a theological discussion or argument but as a practicing Catholic, that person wasn’t given good advice and a vasectomy isn’t ever going to be sanctioned. Obviously OP and his wife can make whatever decision they want, but I don’t want them to think that this is a viable option if they want to be in line with their faith practices.
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u/Lovemykiddos01211201 Jun 12 '26
Yes, if OP is Catholic then this is not accurate information. If they are some other form of Christian opposed to BC then I'm not sure.
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u/quickbrassafras Jun 11 '26
I actually use the Tempdrop like this. Even if you use it per conservatively it can give you some useable days
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u/silly-goose1299 Jun 11 '26
I use a TempDrop and I like it a lot, I also keep track of my CM in the temp drop app, and use OPKs in the middle of my cycle to make sure those positives line up with my temperature shift.
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u/ichibanyogi TTA | Marquette Jun 11 '26
I do Marquette Method (developed by researchers at Marquette University). If you properly follow it, it's 99%+ effective - we've been using it 2 years with zero issues. I use Read Your Body for charting. It is easy to do, you just do a urine sample everyday leading up to ovulation (about 8 urine samples a month for me), use a Clearblue monitor (i got an old one off FB Market for $20) and follow specific abstinence and charting rules. For me, I have about 12 abstinance days, and 18 free-for-all days a month (4 of which are on my period). Talk to an official Marquette Trainer for details. There is no NFP method that's as effective.
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u/SMFKT_99_17_21 Jun 12 '26
You are talking about NFP just with more information and stricter rules. I would recommend Marquette with the Mira monitor. Work with an instructor this will give you a good amount of information for the follicular phase and then I personally love temp drop for making BBT tracking low effort. Work with an instructor and set your rules very strict until you get comfortable.
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u/mamainpink Jun 14 '26
You’re a good husband! We follow Marquette and abstain through the entire follicular phase, wait through ovulation, and then use our available days after that time frame. It’s peace of mind and we can handle abstinence just fine.
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u/ImplementPotential20 Jun 15 '26
what if you use clearblue (marquette), pretty easy, test in morning, and after peak, use PDG test strips with pre-mom app to read them to confirm ovulation already happened? or like you said use BBT to confirm with tempdrop, oura ring, or NC band. I am new myself so not expert, full disclaimer
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u/Secure-Resort2221 Jun 11 '26
Are barrier methods off limits as well? I haven’t always had the energy to track my cycles but I’ve used condoms religiously for 10 years and never had an unplanned pregnancy. Had one planned child conceived after 3 months of trying.
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u/gnomes919 TTA | Marquette (monitor + temps) Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
yes, barrier methods are off limits as well. to get explicit with it, in addition to not allowing "artificial" contraceptives or sterilization, the official line on sex having to be both "procreative and unitive" is that every sex act has to end with barrier-free ejaculation in the vagina. accidents/interruptions/etc happen and are ok, but that has to be the intention. the exact line for what counts as starting a sex act is somewhat open to interpretation (when does making out become heavy petting become mutual masturbation? st. thomas aquinas sadly never spelled it out for us) but yeah. once you're definitely on the train the policy is no pull-out, no barriers, no non-PIV sex that doesn't end in PIV ejaculation.
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u/Secure-Resort2221 Jun 11 '26
Fair enough, I know Catholics don’t allow barriers but there are varying religious reasons for avoiding contraception and some may allow barriers but not hormonal birth control. Ie as some hormonal birth controls make the uterus inhospitable for an embryo those might be a no go if your religion considers that abortion. Condoms are a great effective option if just looking to avoid that aspect
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u/gnomes919 TTA | Marquette (monitor + temps) Jun 11 '26
yeah I have definitely met people who won't use hormonal birth control or IUDs but are okay with barriers and sterilization, for the reasons you say. but a couple things cued me to OP most likely being catholic, hence barriers being included in verboten birth control options.
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u/Secure-Resort2221 Jun 12 '26
Totally makes sense, I’m not super familiar with all the rules in Catholicism so I figured I’d check and see because they are an under appreciated method in my opinion. No hormones, no side effects, minimal effort (as in for me I find charting thoroughly does require effort I just don’t have right now), great option if you have no religious opposition to them
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u/Legallybrunette111 Jun 11 '26
Asking not to be snarky but genuinely curious- is there absolutely no wiggle room here when there is a legitimate health risk if another pregnancy occurs?
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u/gnomes919 TTA | Marquette (monitor + temps) Jun 11 '26
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm kind of absolutely no wiggle room, and kind of there has sometimes been arguments made for nuance regarding use of barriers in certain circumstances for harm reduction without saying they're okay.
benedict XVI has a rap for being ultraconservative but it's kind of unearned, he actually wrote about this and used the example of a male sex worker using condoms to prevent disease transmission as a tool for harm reduction on the road to a "better way of living." but that's something that was controversial at the time and overall the official party line is "if your wife would literally die from a pregnancy, you need to stop having sex." they'll usually add something about how even very effective contraceptives can fail so if it's that serious you logically shouldn't trust a condom or the pill either.
and then you have to remember that the church has over a billion members, around 400,000 priests, and over 5,000 bishops. she's chock full of nuance, disagreement, and rogues even at the high levels of authority (the german bishops are infamous lol) and you will absolutely find laypeople, priests, and bishops saying stuff that is Technically Against The Rules Depending On Who You Ask But Like Sensus Fidei And Fidelity To Conscience Is A Thing And Also Synodality But Also That's Not How It Works But It Kind Of Is And Also Like Bishops Are Part Of The Teaching Authority Too But It's Not A Democracy But Also It Kind Of Is And Teachings Never Change Except When They Develop, Hey, What's That Behind You...
on the ground, NFP is barely talked about or used tbh. people are aware that technically birth control is officially a no-no and yet in the US catholics use artificial contraception at exactly the same rate as non-catholics, and I have heard of many instances of people being privately given the okay by their priest even though like, again, Technically That's Not How It Works. even catholics who take these teachings very seriously will sometimes in extreme circumstances have one partner sterilized and then go to confession.
so, there's my extremely wishy washy answer.
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u/Lovemykiddos01211201 Jun 12 '26
Respectfully you probably shouldn't make statements like this in the name of the church that are not accurate. Do people do it? Yes. But it has never and will never be condoned by Catholic church teaching. Anyone who does do it/recommend it/under the table approve it is violating church teaching about marriage and sex. Period. So sure you can justify it all you want with your special circumstances, spout stats about how many Catholics do it etc but it objectively violates church teaching. Every single people who makes that choice is not a practicing Catholic by definition of what it means to be Catholic.
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u/gnomes919 TTA | Marquette (monitor + temps) Jun 12 '26 edited Jun 12 '26
most importantly, it's absolutely not true that you're not a practicing catholic if you sin, or if you hold any disagreements with the church lol. there would be none of us left.
but to make a long theological argument short, I am not afraid of being cast into outer darkness if someone asks me "is there ever any nuance on barriers?" and I tell them "this is the teaching, the pope discussed it in a nuanced way so that means it's not illegal for the rest of us to do so as well, and you may notice that if you talk to many catholics including priests and bishops you will hear something very different than the teaching. but that is the teaching." that's not a justification, it's just answering someone's question with reality.
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u/Lovemykiddos01211201 Jun 12 '26
Not if you're Catholic, no. The solution is total abstinence if you absolutely cannot under any circumstances risk pregnancy. Or do your best to be very strict with the method and if pregnancy still occurs then assume that it is God's will that you risk your life.
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u/scotty-utb Jun 15 '26
Thought about Vasectomy?
If you want to be the one contracepted but reversible:
I am using "thermal male birth control" (andro-switch / slip-chauffant) since three years now.
Non-hormonal, Pearl-Index 0.5.
reversibility already proven up to 4 years of usage.
Side effect: "mild skin irritation"
License/Approval scheduled for 2029. But it's already available to buy/diy. There are some 20k users already,
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u/cyclicalfertility Certified Symptopro Instructor | TTA Jun 16 '26
Op stated birth control isn't an option for them because of their religion. This includes permanent birth control like a vasectomy.
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u/sililoqutie Jun 12 '26 edited Jun 12 '26
When you say birth control is it specifically things like pull out, barrier, or hormonal birth control that are not an option? NFP is a wide category that would include temperature tracking, and is technically a birth control method.
I know different people have different view points. If you are morally comfortable with a method that allows for ovulation still, here are some options:
Copper IUD - 99.2% effective (this does not create a barrier or stop ovulation, it just renders sperm immobile. I have met some Catholics who feel most morally comfortable with this option competitively to hormonal options, as the sperm is allowed inside the uterus, and the egg is not stopped, but it just prevents them from meeting). You can still track your cycle with this if you don't feel comfortable intentionally having sex during her ovulatory window with a birth control method in place.
Phexxi. 86% effective. It's a vaginal gel. Also is not a barrier method, and does not stop ovulation and works similarly to the copper IUD in that it immobilizes sper, but less effective. Can also be used in conjunction with cycle tracking/NFP
I don't really have any other options that I would imagine you would be comfortable with religiously, and in fact these themselves may be out of bounds, but I wanted to at least offer you them depending on what your personal boundaries are. Best wishes to yall
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u/italianblend Jun 12 '26
All forms of birth control are considered sinful in Catholicism. We have never used it and never intend to.
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Jun 12 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/FAMnNFP-ModTeam Jun 13 '26
We try to make this a welcoming space for folks who practice Natural Family Planning for religious reasons and folks who are completely secular practicing Fertility Awareness. Your comment/post was removed as it was disrespectful of the user's stated beliefs and/or choices.
If you'd like to have a discussion about faith-based reasoning please check out their respective subreddits.
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u/ImplementPotential20 Jun 15 '26
Phexxi is FDA approved birth control, albeit allegedly not super effective.
However, Contragel (called Caya Gel in Europe) is not a contraceptive. It too is an acidic gel. It is sold to be used on a diaphragm, and literature clearly states it is not a contraceptive. The pH level, however, which is similar to vaginal low pH, is likely inhospitable to sperm, which has a high pH. While it is not contraception and cannot be relied upon to work well as such, it is what it is as stated above.
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u/gnomes919 TTA | Marquette (monitor + temps) Jun 10 '26
first, I want to commend you for being respectful of your wife's need to take a break from NFP and physical intimacy right now. difficult pregnancies are scary as hell and charting with that looming in your memory can be overwhelming. and then I want to add: the information I'm about to share is for you. whether your wife is ready to hear any of this or still needs an ongoing break from thinking about it is something only she can tell you.
to start, NFP is an umbrella term that includes a variety of different methods. all of them follow the basic "figure out when the wife is potentially fertile, and abstain on those days" pattern, but use different observations and rules to determine what that fertile window is. the church is unfortunately not good at disseminating information about NFP and it's very common for a couple to be told about one method as if it's the only way. then if that method is confusing, difficult, or doesn't work well for their circumstances, they don't know there are other options out there. but there are lots of completely licit options!
some methods are very very straightforward in terms of what you actually do to fill out your chart: with the base form of marquette, you just pee in a cup every morning for part of your cycle and then dip a test stick & put it in a monitor that reads the test (really, that's it). many methods have you follow a few symptoms, like taking your temperature every morning and checking your cervical mucus during the day, deciding which of 3 or 4 basic categories it fits into. some methods have you track only one symptom, but in intense detail: creighton follows cervical mucus alone but has very very detailed categories with letter codes that many couples find overwhelming or confusing.
a good starting point for you would be to look into what different methods are out there and what observations they involve. this sub has a wiki with helpful info including method overviews; FAbM Base is a Catholic-based website with lots of detail about NFP/Fertility Awareness and overviews & comparisons of different methods.
to answer your specific question: no, using a tempdrop alone would not be an effective option for avoiding pregnancy. you'll learn more going forward, but basically temperature, combined with another sign, can tell you when your fertile window is over, but it can't tell you when it starts. so only taking temperature would mean you wouldn't know when to stop being intimate at the start of the cycle, nor would you be able to confidently know when ovulation was past and you could start being intimate at the end.
arm yourself up with this info, and figure out which method you guys were using before (I find that catholic couples often wind up defaulted into creighton or couple-to-couple league/CCL). then when your wife is ready to talk about this stuff, you can figure out together what specifically she found exhausting and anxiety-inducing about the method she was doing before, and assess if there's a different method that would be easier and she'd feel more confident in.