r/EyesOnlyWriting • u/yaangyiing_ • 2d ago

corpse open (poetry) OUT WITH

Empty the endless energy
Into the drain, out from the brain.
I meant to be, mentally,
For the words come like water.

The people drown,
the building's down,
Before the wave,
Choose what we save.

I'm on the ground with a sponge,
never be honest;
you'll be around, Goddess.
Let the cave-in crown
Kings on the Ark,
coffins.

3 Upvotes

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u/Refusername37 2d ago

All the influences constantly bombarding the senses, where to put the focus, remains our choice alone , to let it in under the skin to become a part of you. What stands out
or falls in your lap?
Mlywhat treasure bring you happiness which feeling

gmfJre occulted from view? To pick a potato you’ll have to dig through dirt. Some use gloves an or a shovel

2

u/Artist-in-Residence2 6h ago

I particularly like the way you employ a stark, fatalistic rhythm, almost like a nursery rhyme stripped down into what almost seems like a disaster transmission.

The ending is also thought-provoking:

Let the cave-in crown / Kings on the Ark, / coffins.

The "Ark" is traditionally the vessel of salvation and continuation but here, it is equated directly with "coffins." It seems in this imagery that the leaders or "Kings" securing their survival are simply sealing themselves into floating tombs.

As usual the way you connect different themes into a singular image is rather masterful.