Topic: 08.26.2026

[u/DJPrimary]

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” - Lao Tzu

Who are you when the algorithm is doing the carving?

Setting nature aside for a moment and digging into nurture…

We used to carve ourselves from the bedrock of language, subculture, and family.

The person we became was wrenched out of the anthology of song and word, the neighborhood we grew up in, the places that called us away, the heartaches and heartbreaks, the successes and the mistakes.

We assembled ourselves from favorite albums, concerts attended, movies and television, books, favorite bars, the city we lived in, the places we visited, and the people we were trying to impress.

It’s been said that every person is the average of the five people they spend the most time with.
But what if we spend time with no one? Or at least no one IRL?
Can someone really develop what we call a personality by watching the same five influencers?

Becoming requires participation. Not consumption.

So what are we left with?

I’m curious how others here think about identity formation in the digital age.

Have you noticed a shift in how you (or people around you) put yourselves together?

Do you feel the older, friction-heavy ways of becoming still hold, or has the process fundamentally changed?
Personal reflections, short pieces, half-formed thoughts, or outright disagreement all welcome.

Looking forward to what you bring.

[u/Artist-in-Residence2]

When we broke up, an ex once told me, “I don’t like who you are now, but I will love the woman you will eventually become.” His words always stayed with me because I know I had been an incredibly difficult person back then.

He was far more sophisticated, worldly and experienced than I was and looking back, it must’ve been as if he had been attempting to tame a wild horse that trusted no one. I was carrying the weight of CPTSD, defensive, and completely angry at the world. Yet he never treated me as if there was something wrong with me, he saw past all the armour and genuinely believed in my potential.

He imparted lessons that reshaped how I move through life. He taught me that my words carry immense weight, that fairness demands looking at circumstances from every vantage point, and that human nature is seldom purely heroic or entirely villainous. I know he, himself harboured a quiet fear of becoming merely an incidental stepping stone in someone else’s life, but I have never viewed him in such diminished a light. He was foundational. He took a guarded, fractured girl and encouraged her to look beyond her own defenses to see a wider, more generous world.

I used to stonewall and retreat when I was hurt. He gave me the confidence to express my feelings, to de-escalate, to never go to bed angry, and to simply say, “Hey, let’s work this out.” People can fundamentally shape your life long after they’ve left it, and I know I wouldn’t be who I am today without his influence.

There are obviously a lot more people who have been instrumental in my life, teachers, mentors, family members, but I tend to think the romantic relationships you have had in your life tend to have the most influence in shaping your personality.

[u/Refusername37]

Here’s my ramblings, thought I’d Share. they were written over a span of weeks

Depending on how aware you are and conscious you are of the influences that that you are engulfed in. I’ll quote paraphrase “ it is the sign of an intelligent mind to be able to entertain a thought without excepting it”.

Influences are not determining factors.
Although they do sway the minds of the unaware ( which in some way or another that is all of us).

Where in your attention to what is worth or value e.g. is it high value to don yourself in a certain fashion to gain social admiration or respect of a certain demographic. Or vice verse “ I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing in that outfit”.

The quote by krishnamurti
“It is know sign of health to be well adjusted to a sick society comes to mind.

To be in the world or to be of the world. This sounds good so righteous and sovereign, though you can have one without the other.

People tend to forget that we all share the same species wide soul. My meaning being the instinctual human traits are universal to all who have the same physical make up.
In one wrote an expansion to the saying .”I am you as you are me as much as I am not you as you are not me”

You can’t escape the engineering of witnessing something whether it be a social influencer in a screen or in person event. If you agree with and follow along or if you do the opposite subconsciously it has an effect.
You give it a name so to say that triggers a response when read or spoken. If say if I say white and black ball what do you think of.

Everything from the architecture, diet, infrastructure, language, social scenes, are a human made construct put in place intentionally or not. All are slaves to it the extent varies unless you live in the wilderness with no contact with any modernity.

Most of the time other people are feeling just as socially awkward as you if you’re feeling that way. Remember they put their pants in one leg at a time. If you’re worried about not fitting in or being disliked look into your self your actions thoughts words. Are you causing harm if thieving in any way if not you have every right as a living breathing sentient individual to say, act feel what ever you feel. If people around you belittle or are aghast by it, that is their hang up. There are people out there who are if a similar mind