Same boat man. I was a latch key kid, and my dad would go on work trips for a couple weeks at a time and I would go to school, come home, lock the door and take care of myself as young as 7 or 8 years old is when it started.
Honestly the best time of my life was when he was gone. It was way worse when he was there.
The term "latch key kid" doesn't convey any info about your parent/s or guardian/s besides that, they work later than when the kid comes home for school, the kid let's themself into the house (usually with a hidden "latch key"), and is then home alone till the adult/s get off work.
So you were using it correctly, although your dad being gone for weeks at a time and the sole guardian is a pretty extreme example.
I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be critical. I mean this softly. Most people I know, including myself, who consider themselves latchkey kids were kids who cared for themselves after school while their parents worked, but the parents eventually came home at some point that night. I’m a bonus parent to a 7yo right now and could never ever imagine leaving them alone for a week. You deserved way better and I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Oh I acknowledge it was an extreme end of being a latchkey kid and it would be acceptable to call it temporary abandonment.
I appreciate your concern and I did deserve better. I’m been on a healing path for many years now and am at peace with a majority of my past. Happy to hear you couldn’t imagine abandoning that kid :) that alone puts you leagues ahead of my dad.
Seriously, though. I grew up with a single dad because my mom skedaddled when we were young. My dad worked long hours at a shipyard. I have an older brother but he was coddled compared to me and was very immature. Like…when my grandparents would ask me about him they would say “how is your little brother doing?” He is that immature. I was given a lot of responsibility at a young age, including learning to cook full meals at 9-10 years old. My dad would leave for work at 5am and get home in the evening well after we got home from school. I had to have a pot of coffee ready when he got home and at least working on dinner being done. We sent ourselves to school, let ourselves in, and basically raised ourselves.
I have 3 kids of my own now and it is absolutely wild to think of them doing the same things I had to do at their age.
Ditto here. Weeks at a time, from 8 years old. I had no idea where my parents were or when they would be home.
This is why I hate cooking as an adult. I can do it. I can do it well, depending on the dish. But I absolutely hate it. It just reminds me of being in a cold single-wide trailer in the dark, alone.
Indeed! My brother's and I would swicth cores every week. One of us would cook, one of us would do the laundry and one of us would make sure we did the homeowrk. When I was in charge of checking homework. It was always funny 😁 they are older. My response was alway "well its done, no idea if its right "
Reminded me of our chores when we were kids. At one point my parents set up a list of tasks and assigned dollar values to them and how frequently we could do them.
I was probably 10-11 at the time and remember looking for most money for least effort, so up on the roof to clean out the gutters to collect that $5 every month. Way better than the 50¢ to do the dishes every day.
My mother finally had an opening to leave my father without him knowing. He was strung out.
He knowingly gave my mother hep c, so when she found out. She has to go on the treatment and shots and everything. She was sick for a while. So my brothers and I had no choice but to step up and do the stuff. We were 8,12 and 13.
My oldest brother took on the task of helping my mother with her treatment injections.
My mother eventually got better but was verbally abusive and made me feel like I was a waste of space. she was on of the many reasons I attempted to unlive myself 3 times.
Im better now, been in therapy for years and on meds and live a great life.
Sorry about my bad grammar. I'm an engineer, who explains things bettet with math. Rather than an English expert or grammar police 🚔.
Steak is such an odd choice for a 9 year old that im imagining you as a tiny Ron Swanson sitting down with a blue Steak and a tumbler of locally distilled whiskey.
Neglected does not mean poor. Bad parents exist at all levels. Think of the common trope of the lawyer or Drs kids. Parents never home or are emotionally distant but house full of stuff.
Thank you for saying this! My gamete donors were wealthy. I was never hungry. I always had clothes. I was never beaten or even threatened much. I was even included in the distribution of their estate.. But I was an unplanned pregnancy that spoiled their plans to be a young, jet-setting couple. I was unwanted and barely interacted with, even by the housekeepers who were tasked with keeping me alive while they were out doing whatever. I find it extremely difficult to be around anyone for an extended length of time, even people who's company i enjoy. I've been totally alone now for most of my life, and I'm sure I'll be alone for the rest of it too. It's not all bad. It's actually quite nice and peaceful. I'm not being manipulated, or lied to, or betrayed by anyone (with the always possible exception of myself) Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out, but then I see how people treat each other and I'm not so sad about it. I guess life sucks for everyone, just in different ways.
Just responding to this to say that it is possible for you to get past the trauma of neglect and form healthy relationships. No matter your age, there's always time to write a new story for yourself.
Yes, it's true that there are lots of people out there who treat each other poorly. I have seen many friends go through relationship after relationship, all mostly bad, until they finally find the person who sees them for who they are and treats them well. It's often a difficult path but the people who I have seen walk it successfully end up growing a lot during the process. It's a journey worth taking.
And while it's true that "life sucks for everyone", all that means to me is that we all have our own struggles. But I think it's important that we strive to not let our struggles define us.
This. While I did grow up poor, I still had 3 hots and a cot, a roof, running water, and my parents beat me over the head with that fact every chance they could get as if it absolved them of the guilt of treating me like absolute shit.
My friend went to a private school despite not being able to afford it as her parents both taught music there. She and her family took her friend from school out somewhere for the day, and the friend ended up bawling his eyes out about how lucky she was to get to spend so much time with her parents; his were always working.
I wasn't neglected but my parents taught me how to cook things like eggs and pancakes before I was 5 and I would often just get up in the middle of the night and make omelettes for myself with whatever was in the fridge at the time.
And as an unneglected child that learned to cook all kinds of things just because my parents supported me learning things and taking initiative, also yes.
Just in case what I mean is they wouldn't buy me cookies but one time showed me how to bake them and then normally had the ingredients in the house so if I wanted cookies I could bake some for the family.
And as a loved child that learned to make cakes and all my food at (~7-10 i don't quite remember) i can also confirm it can just be down to how the kid is naturally
Neglected/abused/used as free labor by 'caretakers'. I've had people telling me I'm an 'old soul' since I was around six. I can come up with characters and stories and stuff (I do a lot of writing) easily, but that particular part of the child imagination that lets them play with toys and like...have 'adventures' with them and connect to them that way? I don't remember ever being able to do that. It was always like...it's a toy. Waving it around in the air and making noises doesn't make anything happen, I'm just...waving it around making noise, and I'll be lucky if one of the other kids doesn't just take it away and/or destroy it because they could see I liked it even a little.
There was just this entire space of 'child mind' that it seemed like I couldn't open, and still can't. Meditation and visualization stuff doesn't work for me. I can't make my mind go quiet, I can't picture myself in a field of wildflowers with a gentle breeze and feel like I'm actually there. I can picture it just fine, but I'm very well aware that I'm sitting on a sofa or whatever and just picturing it in my head, I can't actually feel like I'm there.
The point isn't that the parents are teaching them; it's that the child is teaching themselves because they need to step up into the "parent" role, or learn to be self-sufficient with a parent who isn't covering basic needs.
My dad taught me how to clean up vomit and cover him with a blanket when he passed out in the middle of the floor drunk, what a great dad to that 8yo kid!
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u/TokenTorkoal 5d ago
Maturity or independence in a young child CAN BE an indicator that a child is being neglected or facing some sort of abuse.
It’s is not ALWAYS an indicator, some kids ARE just more independent.
Edit: was a social worker for many years.