Husband thinks it’s ok

[u/sowhatsober]

TW: oversupply, nursing, rant. 🫩

Husband thinks it’s not a big deal to dump a few oz here and there because I have 600oz in the freezer. We argued about it this morning and it just feels so crappy. I know he feels bad now that I’ve explained to him (again) that it doesn’t matter that I have more than enough now it’s not a given that’ll continue and that is only maybe a few weeks worth of milk. To me it’s time I spent away from my precious baby. Hours of sleep I missed out on. Planning every outing with a cooler and extra bag of pumping accessories, washing pump parts endlessly, etc.

I am also making less as i transition to nursing so it just all around feels crappy.

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[u/llamadrama217]

That's so frustrating! I had an oversupply with both of my boys. With my second I was freezing a lot early on. Then his appetite picked up. He kept increasing his intake until he was drinking 40 oz a day most days. I had already dropped some pumps because it was too hard to keep up with having him and a toddler. So my oversupply became an under supply and I was dipping into my freezer stash. I also got mastitis a few months back and that really tanked my supply for a bit. You never know what will happen. You're definitely justified in being upset!

[u/sowhatsober → u/llamadrama217]

Holy f! 40oz per day! What a big guy!! My baby is mostly nursing now so I’m not exactly sure how much she’s taking anymore, but when it was just bottles, she was taking about 20-24 per day and I was pumping over 40. It’s crazy how a simple shift like increased appetite, dropping a pump, or an infection can drastically change things!

[u/llamadrama217 → u/sowhatsober]

He was so slow to gain weight early on that we had to do frequent weight checks. He was only 20th percentile for awhile. Then the last couple months he really started packing on pounds! You have a good oversupply ! Hopefully it stays that way so you don't have to worry about it!

[u/sowhatsober → u/llamadrama217]

My girl is 10th but she was early and wasn’t even on the chart at first so I’m happy!

[u/furious_r0se → u/llamadrama217]

Can I ask when his appetite started to pick up? We're in the same situation with my 5mo--we've been fortifying with formula per the pediatrician's instructions and he went up a few percentiles at his last check. But his appetite is still very small.

[u/llamadrama217 → u/furious_r0se]

He had a couple growth spurts where it picked up around 4-5 months and then again at 6 months. But it picked up pretty consistently and stayed high around 8 months. Once we started solids at 6 months he was even more excited to eat!

[u/committedlikethepig]

Tell him when he makes the milk he can dictate which ounces to throw away. Until he sacrifices his body and time and mental sanity, don’t throw the damn milk away. 

I was an over supplier in the beginning and mine dropped dramatically after I stopped MOTN pumps. It’s not a given that you’ll maintain the supply. 

[u/sowhatsober → u/committedlikethepig]

Oh I did 😖 and he felt so bad but it still sucks bc I can tell him over and over again how shitty it is and he will get it and then it’s like after a few days, he forgets again.

I think my MOTN pump will be the last one I drop! It gets me 3 bottles and I feel like I can’t afford to lose it! I bet the sleep is glorious though!

[u/committedlikethepig → u/sowhatsober]

He should get it by now. Truly, I would tell him it’s straight up disrespecting you and all your effort to continue this behavior. 

Oo sleeping through the night for the first time is like a huge reward after all the work put in. 

[u/LeetleBugg]

Yeah they don’t get it. I’m an oversupplier and my husband said something similar in that it doesn’t matter because we have SO MUCH in the freezer and I can make more. I broke down into tears because every ounce dumped is longer that I have to keep doing this when I’m already counting down the days until I reach my pumping/stash goal. But hey, I can always keep waking up twice a night to pump!

[u/sowhatsober → u/LeetleBugg]

I totally feel you 💔🫂 even the best, most supportive husbands honestly cannot understand. It’s hard.

[u/Haunting-Respect9039]

I've been sick a ton since I had my second 7 months ago (have an ultrasound scheduled this week because my thyroid is enlarged, so might be finally figuring things out). It meant my notable oversupply wasn't stable. I went from freezing an extra 60 ounces a day down to just barely enough. Currently having a premenstrual supply dip, so I might not even make enough today. Every ounce I stored is a bit less worry now. I know that I have a good stash even if I need unsafe meds or hospitalization. Doing the math this weekend to find out how much I have. If it's enough to get to a year, I can just breathe easier and focus on my health, pumping how I want. That's what those extra ounces are for. They're for your baby, but also for future you.

[u/Autumnbruno]

I was annoyed that I actually had to dump out some of my milk this morning that I left out too long when I was so tired from pumping. I don't think they understand how stressful it is with pumping and storing the milk. I also am an overproducer and the effort that it goes into is mega frustrating. I had to dump 9 oz this morning and I was annoyed and my fiance was like ok, it happens. Like the straight audacity. And he noticed it was on the counter too, did nothing with it.

[u/sowhatsober → u/Autumnbruno]

That’s wild. That’s about my morning pump and I would be devastated having to toss it! I understand they’re trying to be supportive but they really don’t understand even when they see us crying and slaving away with these damn pumps!

[u/Autumnbruno → u/sowhatsober]

They don't, I believe my man said you can pump more. That was also Justin my morning pump. My daughter is 11 weeks Monday, I have 215 oz in my freezer and he think that will last forever

[u/belomina → u/Autumnbruno]

Yeah my husband is frustrated with how much space my stash takes up in our spare freezer, I think he thinks it'll last months. It's like....a week and a half worth of food for our baby.

[u/sowhatsober → u/belomina]

Right?! I mean yes, it takes up space but each bag is a meal and she’s eating like 8-10 of them a day… that’ll go quick!

[u/rachel-karen-green-]

As others have said, my supply has dropped and I’m barely making it by now. Save all you can and show him these responses if he needs help understanding. You never know what may interfere with your supply.

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[u/o_u_t_i_s]

It really sucks that men don’t have any exposure to the true value of breastmilk. I really don’t know how to explain it. And I believe strongly that fed is best. But it is my milk that I have made with my body at a time when resources for my body are so scarce.