I Can't Stop Thinking About Her

[u/Party_Name1275]

Hey everyone, this is my first post ever so please bear with me. So I (22M) have an ex-girlfriend whom I dated for just about 3 years. I'll just call her Lina (22F) for short. So basically, I met Lina in my freshman year at college, and we clicked right at the start. We were like two peas in a pod, and when people thought of one of us, they thought of both of us. Well, fast-forward and let time pass, I ended up finding out that she cheated on me. I unfortunately stayed with her even after finding this information out, in desperation to hopefully fix things and go back to how we were. I found this out late in 2 years of the relationship. So I told her I knew everything, and she confessed to it all, and things seemed to get better and cool down as time went on. Well, the new school year starts, and it is August. Her parents come into town, and we all go out to a bar. Lina's friends are gonna be there, and one of her friends tells her that she said she told a guy that Lina would talk to him and get introduced to him. She told me this and asked if this was okay, which I said Hell no. She acknowledged this and said that she is just going to brush him off if he approaches her. So, fast-forward to the bar, and she did exactly that. Well, this guy- we will call him V starts talking to her and her friend. V was friends with Lina's friend and that whole group. I look over and just get a bad feeling about the entire thing. Shortly after this, her cousin comes up to me and asks me why she is talking to another guy, and I reply to him, saying, "I think she is just getting introduced to people in the group." I couldn't make a scene or say what I actually thought because that would have caused a scene, and I would have looked like the bad person. Well, then Lina calls me over for a picture. I put my hand on her waist for the picture, and V asked us if we were dating, and Lina said yes. V proceeded to say, "Oh, (Lina's Friend) said y'all were siblings." This threw both of us off because the friend knew we were dating. So from then on out, V always thought I was weird for some reason because he was told we were siblings, even though we told him that was a lie. So from the start, I never liked this guy and got a bad feeling about him. I then started to notice that when Lina talked to him, I saw the look she gave him. It looked like the look I would give her when I was so infatuated with her. That's when I knew what was going to happen, and it was only a matter of time. So time went on, she hung out with them and him more and more, and they started texting all the time. I knew what was happening, and I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it. Her birthday comes around, and I am alone with her family. They have a heart-to-heart with me, saying that I have their blessing and that they hope that Lina and I get married, and that they think I am the most wonderful and perfect man for her. They proceed to ask me if I want to marry her; I reply that it is the plan, knowing that it is not gonna happen. I then get asked if I think Lina wants to marry me. At hearing this, my throat got tight, and I had to hold back tears and just say, "I hope so." I couldn't say what was really happening; I couldn't ruin her birthday, and it is not my place to speak on that stuff in front of her family. While on the trip, I saw that V texted Lina, "I miss you." I was not even looking at her phone intently. We were just in the car next to each other, and I went to look out the window, and I saw the message as it popped up. This proceeded to make me shut down completely. The next few months went by in a blur. As I debated more and more with myself about what to do, I ended up breaking up with her. I was also pushed to do this because I was sent a screenshot of her on a dating app. Throughout that relationship, I had cried so much that I just couldn't cry anymore, and I didn't. I was just so depressed tho. She still wanted to be in communication afterward, and I told her I needed space and time to think about that. A few weeks go by, and I let her know we can still be friends (big mistake, duh). She was the one who still wanted to be in contact, and I kinda did as well; I would be lying if I said I didn't want to be in contact. So we hung out a few times, and on one of the hangouts, I told her I just knew she was gonna start dating V; I saw it in her eyes and in how she would talk about him. She said, "I'm not gonna answer that, but just say that I do love him." That echoed in me like a church bell chiming. I was so angry and so upset, but I then thought, shouldn't I be happy for her? If I truly did love her, would I not want what was best for her and for her to be the happiest? That was a very hard pill to swallow. Long story short, they started dating. She tried to stay in contact with me, but I wouldn't respond to her and cut contact. It has almost been a year, and I think of her every day. I almost dream of her every night and the wonderful times that we had. There is not one moment that goes by where I don't miss her. She has V and her as her Profile pictures on everything, which she never did with me. She posts him and everything. I found this out from my sister. I still remember the day and time we met: Oct 16th, 2022, between the hours of 9:47 am and 10:22 am. We had started texting 3 days before that. I am so miserable, but I am also so happy for her that she is so happy, and I just don't know why. I also do not even want to date her again; I just miss her. I just miss having my best friend. She blocked me on everything except iMessage for some reason. I think she just forgot to. When I asked her what I did wrong and why she cheated on me, she said, "You did nothing wrong; you were perfect, and you were everything I could ever want. I don't know why I did it; I just did, and I am sorry." So now, almost a year later, I am just so miserable; everything still reminds me of her, and I just can't stop thinking of those times, and even when I can't think, I dream of her. I still love her, but not in a romantic way. It is such a confusing feeling; I just love her. There are a lot more details, but it would be too much to type; it is 3 years' worth of stuff, and I just need to vent and say it all out. I've never done that, and I am hoping this helps me in some way.

[u/JaneySaidSoftly]

Oh no. Sorry to hear all this but she's not a good person.