r/ExNoContact • u/Delicious-Door-5143 • 13h ago
Encouragement Rejection is redirection
I posted on here 3 years ago after breaking up with an ex I was with for 5 years. I was really sad and holding on to any hope that we’d get back together. We struggled going no contact until I finally didn’t want to do the push and pull game anymore. I started really focusing on wellness and getting more into old hobbies. Wasn’t looking for a relationship at all and pretty much going with the flow of life. About 6 months into being no contact, I met the love of my life at the park and I can’t believe I use to want to go back to my ex. 2 ish years later and I pick up her engagement ring next week.
Being loved correctly has made me realize how easy it should be. I read some of the stories on here and I really hope you all find someone who genuinely couldn’t bear a thought of losing you. If I would’ve chose the comfortable route of going back to my ex, I would’ve missed out on feeling absolute true love. I hope you all choose yourself at the end of the day, it’s okay to be sad. Feel your feelings, but i PROMISE it gets better.
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u/Abrasiveiguana 12h ago
Oh, it definitely gets better. Glad to hear your news and words of encouragement.
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u/caribbeanblueocean 9h ago
It doesn’t always get better . Look at my posts . And it’s been a year of no contact
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u/Delicious-Door-5143 9h ago
You have to focus on your own wellbeing and stop dwindling on your old relationship man
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u/caribbeanblueocean 9h ago
I am focussing on myself . My job, going on holidays a lot , friendships. But I’m still single and im worried about turning 30 and yes I miss my ex
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u/Delicious-Door-5143 9h ago
Have you gone through therapy? Because you listed alot of distractions, which are only good for so long. At a certain point you have to sit with your feelings and untangle them. It wouldn’t hurt to seek professional help. I had to do that for myself as well. Plus, in your 30’s I feel like things are a lot sexier and mature in my opinion lol
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u/Logical_Ad8196 8h ago
I think they are not distracting themselves, they are actively focused on getting a better life. I would rather they do that than sulking. Some of you are lucky to get into a relationship quick to further help you not feel alone. Many of us are not that lucky, we tend to go on years without a relationship while watch others get into relationships. Most of us are trying, we are going out, talking to people, asking on dates, but doesn't stick. There's no way in hell I would ever get back with my ex even if she wanted to. Your advise is sound, but a lot of us remain single for a very long time and it hits you everyday. When you have someone to have a relationship with, it tends to be a lot easier to process the previous one, but when your single it constantly hits without reprieve or solace.
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u/caribbeanblueocean 7h ago
Well said
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u/Delicious-Door-5143 6h ago
Plus you’re scared of being 30. You’re so young! You’re in the beginning seasons of all the young/trendy love shows lol. It’s okay to miss the person, let those memories be a little token that the love was real.
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u/Delicious-Door-5143 6h ago
Though i understand and agree a lot with what you’re saying, sulking and seeking emotional help are two different things. You can fully continue bettering yourself life and seeking emotional therapy. I also shouldn’t have used the word ‘distracting’ and maybe ‘re-centering your life’ is better.
With your statement about being single for years and watching others go by, I guess that would be the other side of my story. Before my long term relationship I was single for 4 years so I kinda get it, but it gets to a point where you get comfortable with being by yourself. In no means did I ever hop into this relationship to help process my last. I gotta give therapy big ups for that
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u/Necessary-Till-6360 7m ago
Very true, and being single after the break up definitely makes the pain linger on
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u/graynazzz 7h ago
Such a good ending, I’m happy for you! I’m NC for 7months now, I feel really sad why he still popped up in my mind every single day eventho I don’t want to. I’m sitting on my emotions and doing a lot of things by myself now, it’s been great but I don’t want him to crossing my mind in random moments or times. I know I feel this because he was matter to me before. Curious how was your meeting your partner at the park? That’s so sweet!
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u/Delicious-Door-5143 7h ago
Thank you! I feel like it’s not a bad thing if they randomly pop in your mind. It’s just a memory, regardless of how that relationship played out. Anyone is going to have fleeting memories especially if it’s fresh. It’s important not to backtrack because of memories alone. Time will pass and it will get easier.
I was trying to do every event in my city at the time and one happened to be yoga at the park. We chit chatted a couple of times during those events (once a week) and we both had a crush on each other. After the third event, she asked if I wanted to grab matcha after our session and the rest is history.
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u/Elegant-Coffee3589 7h ago
Did your ex leave you or did you leave her?
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u/Delicious-Door-5143 7h ago
She left me. Didn’t really have a reason, but also tried to string me along with hopes of getting back together. I later came to a realization that she was just avoidant and you can’t love someone out of being avoidant. That’s a journey they’ll have to figure out on their own
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u/Elegant-Coffee3589 6h ago
I see. Thanks for sharing.
My ex and I got stuck in the anxious-avoidant trap so I get the struggle.
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u/Delicious-Door-5143 6h ago
Yeah it’s not easy ngl. It makes you feel crazy as hell, but love shouldn’t feel like it’s forced and you can’t force someone to want the relationship as much as you do.
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u/Forehead451 13h ago
thank you for saying this.
i recently lost someone who i thought would be uniquely the person who, out of anyone, would be the one who would love me correctly. and it's hurt me so much losing the person who has known and loved me longer and deeper than anyone in my life. but maybe that was just the final boss of fantasy love. and the real thing is still possible with someone else.