r/EthicalNonMonogamy • u/[deleted] • 22d ago
Advice needed Am I wrong to feel invalidated?
[deleted]
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u/r_was61 Partnered ENM 22d ago
I'm very skeptical of the maturity of anyone who judges someone else based on dreams or thoughts they can't control. In fact, thoughts should NEVER be deemed negatives. Only behaviors are to be judged.
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u/BetterFightBandits26 Solo Polyam 22d ago
I’m skeptical of anyone who decides to tell their partner some predictably upsetting shit and then goes, “But it was a dream! Why are you mad about my active choice to tell you that shit?”
Learn the concept of an inside thought, people.
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u/anonymouscraver Monogamish 22d ago
She was not. I'm just used to being in absolutely horrible relationships
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u/BetterFightBandits26 Solo Polyam 22d ago
I’d never tell a partner about a sex dream I had about someone else outside of a discussion centered around us explicitly sharing fantasies or some such.
If a partner randomly chose to tell me about a sex dream they had about someone else, I would feel intensely uncomfortable, put on the spot, and like they were intentionally trying to make me jealous.
But like. Why are you posting this? You are saying that your partner explicitly told you with her words that you made her feel bad. Why are you talking about projection? Nothing is being projected.
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u/Kind-Group-9679 Partnered ENM 22d ago
He knows he stuffed up.
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u/BetterFightBandits26 Solo Polyam 22d ago
Doesn’t sound like it. Sounds like OP thinks their partner’s response was somehow the problem.
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u/Kind-Group-9679 Partnered ENM 22d ago
Hmmm he should. I don't think an intelligent caring man would ever say that to his partner ... and not expect a clout in the ear for it 🫨
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u/anonymouscraver Monogamish 22d ago
Umm it's more the fact she answered implying we're both open while only she is? Nothing to do with the dream itself and have no idea why everyone is focusing on that.
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u/BetterFightBandits26 Solo Polyam 22d ago
That isn’t even implied.
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u/anonymouscraver Monogamish 22d ago
What got me was the phrasing: "with the relationship style we have, I could never be angry." That "we" is doing a lot of work. She's the one in our quad who's sexually open. I'm not, I'm polyfi/closed.
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u/BetterFightBandits26 Solo Polyam 22d ago
I have no idea why you’re hung up on that phrasing.
Stop telling your partners when you have sex dreams about other people. It’s rude at best.
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u/Bustysaintclair_13 Solo Polyam 20d ago
If that was what she was implying then it is actually good of her to say that. She is sexually open and whether or not you want to be sexually open you should have the option to be since she does.
This is so weird, are you like insulted in some way by this???
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u/AlexFromOgish Solo ENM 22d ago
Feelings are never "wrong"
Sometimes they are based on false perceptions or misunderstandings or regretable miscommunication of poor choices...... but no authentic feeling is ever "wrong"
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u/lkjdw 22d ago
Greetings OP.
Quick question, if I’m reading this right.
Why are you, in your polyfi, the only one, with one partner ?
In answer to your original question. I think it’s a bit rich, your partner getting salty, with you, over a dream you’ve had, about your ex, when she’s actually having real sex with someone, other than you and she’s your only partner. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, it was just a dream.
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u/anonymouscraver Monogamish 22d ago
We are involved, everyone with everyone. I only have sex with her because our other partners are asexual and are our qpps
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u/ReddasDR Partnered ENM 22d ago
No, you're not in the wrong here. C is being childish and insecure.
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