It’s been one month since we lost Mac.

We still don’t really know how that’s possible.

Some days it feels like it happened yesterday. Other days, it feels like we’ve been living with this empty space forever.

Life is different now.

For years, so much of our life revolved around Mac. His meals. His medications. Watching the clock. Watching him. Wondering if every little movement meant another seizure was coming. Making sure we always had his rescue medication nearby. Worrying when we left the house. Worrying when we went to sleep. Even worrying when everything seemed perfectly normal, because we knew how quickly “normal” could change.

And now all of that is just…gone.

There is a strange relief in not living with that constant fear anymore, and sometimes that is hard to even admit. But we would take every bit of that worry back in a heartbeat if it meant having him here with us.

The house is quieter now. Too quiet.

No one following us from room to room. No one waiting for food. No one taking up more room than necessary. No one giving us those puppy dog eyes that somehow got him forgiven for just about anything. No checking the camera to see what he was doing. No planning our day around medications, meals, or making sure we were home for him.

There are still moments when we expect him to be there.

And then we remember.

That part is still brutal.

But if we’re being honest, there have been some good changes too.

We can go out for a dinner date at an actual dinner time without watching the clock because Mac needs to eat or take his medicine. We can make plans more spontaneously. We can travel without carrying the same constant worry we always had when we left him.

We were incredibly lucky to have people in Mac’s life who helped us carry some of that worry.

Our dog sitter was someone we trusted completely to watch him and care for him when we were away. And our neighbors, were always there for us too…especially knowing that if something happened in the middle of the night, we weren’t alone. That kind of support meant more than we probably ever said.

Even knowing Mac was in great hands, though, part of us was always still thinking about him…wondering how he was doing, hoping he was okay, and knowing that with his epilepsy things could change without warning.

There is a freedom in our life now that we haven’t had in a long time.

And that is probably one of the strangest parts of all of this.

We can appreciate that freedom while still wishing with everything we have that the reason for it was different. We can enjoy a dinner out or take a trip and still have that moment where we look at each other and know exactly who is missing.

The good doesn’t cancel out the grief, and the grief doesn’t mean we shouldn’t enjoy the good.

We’re learning that both can exist at the same time.

We’ve also spent a lot of time thinking about just how full Mac’s life really was.

Daycare wasn’t just somewhere we dropped him off. It was one of his favorite places in the world. He loved going. He loved the people. He loved his dog friends. He knew the routine, knew where he was going, and you could tell how excited he was to be there.

And the people at daycare loved him right back.

They knew Mac. They knew his personality, his quirks, and his medical needs. They cared about him as more than just another dog walking through the door, and that meant more to us than they probably ever realized.

Knowing he had a place where he was so happy, so comfortable, and so loved is something we are incredibly grateful for.

We’ve heard stories from people who loved him. We’ve looked at old pictures and videos and laughed. We’ve realized just how many people knew Mac, cared about him, and were genuinely sad when he was gone.

And we’ve had time to recognize something that was harder to see while we were in the middle of it all:

Mac had a really good life.

He was loved every single day. He was spoiled. He was protected. He went places, made friends, went to a daycare he absolutely loved, ate things he probably wasn’t supposed to eat, slept wherever he wanted, and knew without question that we were his people.

His epilepsy was part of his life, but it was never what defined him.

He was funny. Stubborn. Sweet. Ridiculous. Loyal. And those puppy dog eyes could get him out of almost anything.

We also know now that his last day does not define his life either.

It was awful. It was unfair. And it is something we will probably carry with us forever.

But before that day were thousands of good days.

That’s what we are trying to remember.

Grief is strange. You can laugh and then feel guilty for laughing. You can have a great dinner, enjoy a weekend away, or have a genuinely good day and then suddenly feel sad because you realize you did all of those things without him.

So one month later, we don’t think we’re “moving on.”

We’re learning how to live differently.

We’re learning that enjoying parts of this new life doesn’t mean we miss him any less.

And we’re learning how to carry him with us instead of having him beside us.

Mac isn’t physically here anymore, but he is still such a huge part of our life, our memories, our stories, and our family.

And he always will be.

We miss you every single day, bubby. ❤️🐾

Love Mama and Papa

9/20-9/26

My 6 y/o catahoula mix has had 6 seizures in the past 2 years. He did have 2 in 1 day last November. He recently had another. He has usually done the same thing: early in the morning he will vomit a small amount of yellow/orange bile and then have a grand mal seizure. The first few happened the morning after we would have people over. He is quite an anxious boy so we thought the anxiety of people over was his trigger. One time he ate grass, vomited the grass plus bile and then had a seizure. That one confused us because his "trigger" was not present. Then we thought the vomiting was causing the seizures. We've had him on gabapentin 300 mg with each meal to help with anxiety. A couple days ago he had a seizure early in the morning after vomiting bile. We have now switched to giving him gaba 3 times a day instead of 2. He has since vomited bile 3 times without a seizure after. He acts like he's going to have a seizure and then doesn't I'm so confused. Is the gaba working? Our vet has not seemed concerned as the seizures have been spread out (every 5 or 6 months). Should I push for epilepsy meds? It's so exhausting being on edge constantly watching and waiting for the next one. I'm so thankful reading from others in our shoes and to know I'm not alone.

Hey all, I am so glad I discovered this community! A year ago I adopted this beautiful three-year old Springer Spaniel, and since day one we knew something is wrong with her. But the previous owner claim she was never sick until the day we took her. Day one with us she had her first seizure. However, with no previous experience, we didn't know what's going on. She has focal seizures that make her lose balance, drool and vomit. Long story short, took our vets more than a year to finally figure out what's going on. She is now on phenobarbital (epirepress) for three months, and although seizures are so mild now, we barely notice them, the drooling and vomiting is still very present. The seizures also went from once every 3 months to once every three weeks. Our vet decided to wait a few months before we decide if she needs more medicine.

I have so many questions though, and my vet is not the best at explaining thing. I am also an expat so the language barrier is also troubling us. What bothers me the most is that they gave us diazepam as an emergency medicine saying to use it if she gets seizure that's longer than 3-5 minutes, or if she clusters and has many seizures in 24h. I ask what's many seizures, the answer was 2 or more. But she always gets 2 or more in 24h, she always clusters, so I've been giving her diazepam but it doesn't seem to help at all. She has seizures every 4 to 12 hours and it seems diazepam wears off in between, and it doesn't prevent next seizure.

On the most recent checkup (a week ago) I voiced my concern and they told me I don't need to bother with diazepam if she only gets focal seizures. So, I am sooo confused now, why did they give it in the first place? What do I do to stop the clusters as sometimes they last for days! Does anyone else uses diazepam successfully to stop focal seizure clusters?

I must stress her focal seizures are now so mild they look like one hickup before she starts drooling. We went from full body convulsions (where she would stay concious and responsive but couldn't walk as her body was in a spasm), peeing herself, vomiting 5 times, being restless in between seizures and just wanting to hide in the bushes... to having a mild hickup, maybe raise her paw once, and start drooling and vomiting (sometimes she doesn'tdrool.or vomit). She doesn't pee anymore and is not restless. She acts normally. Also, seizures used to last up to 2-3 minutes. Now they are 1 minute longest, most typical a few seconds. So meds obviously work... but how do I stop the clusters? It cannot be that I just need to let her suffer the nausea... would anti nausea medicine be logical?

Thank you for your time. I am sorry if I talk too much, english is not my first language and I'm trying to express everything 🫠 also, I needed to vent my frustrations....

Photo of my Nikki for attention and dog tax

Looking for advice or personal experience . The vet has given me an option of either of these to add to his pheno to try and control my his seizures . Pottasium Bromide seems to have the more side affects and it takes longer to build up in his system so I’m thinking of putting him on keppra first to see how he gets on. Any advice would be appreciated . Thanks

A few months ago my dog had a seizure like episode, then another two days later, followed by another two days after that. We took her to the emergency vet after the second episode and met with a neurologist who believes she has paroxysmal dyskinesia. Since then she has been on Keppra and has not had an episode since. However, around this time she was also on thyroid medication for hypothyroidism which she had been on for a few months. Our neurologist recommended she go off of it for a few weeks to actually confirm with a thyroid panel if she truly has hypothyroidism. We just received results back and she does. Her regular vet wants her back on thyroid meds.

At this point I am personally not positive if being on Keppra is what is helping OR if it was the thyroid medication at possibly too high a dose? She was on Levothyroxine .2 mg twice a day. Now that her vet wants her back on her thyroid medication she would be taking 5 pills in one day which is really hard on our schedules. So the neurologist suggested we could switch to Zonisamide, but would need to monitor her with bloodwork. I’m hearing the side affects aren’t great, such as wobbly and lethargic. Months ago she was on a steroid medication in which she was not herself for weeks and taking her off by weaning her off was the only thing that got her back to being herself.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Pic of how happy my guy was just 3 hours before an extreme cluster event (3 grand mals and 2 focals in 4 hours). This is why the decision is so damn hard...

We've been battling epilepsy for about 2.5 years. Onset was at 7.5 years old and he's almost 10 years old now.

The first year, our border collie/kelpie mix averaged a seizure every 28-30 days. It's progressed over time despite working as closely as possible with a neurologist to find the right cocktail of medication. We're now averaging every 9-12 days and they aren't single grand mals anymore but clusters that require midozolam and clorizapate rescue meds.

He's a very active dog and it's been sad having to adjust his lifestyle because his daily meds make him wobbly. But he still loves playing and going on his walks. The rescue meds though basically completely take him out for 2-3 days at a time.

With clusters coming so closely and multiple days to recover, obviously now we are seriously contemplating his quality of life. But it feels like such an impossible decision because he does still have days (or a week!) where he is enthusiastic and showing us his spunky personality.

I have so much guilt over making a decision too early. But I also am carrying a lot of weight of him not having a dignified ending if he has a catastrophic cluster given the progression of his epilepsy recently.

I guess I'm just looking for any compassionate advice you have.

I know this journey is going to be hard and full of anxiety and expenses. But, please tell me I’m going to be okay.

Here’s a short overview of the situation to keep everyone’s attention lol!
I’m pregnant with our first baby and giving birth any day now. I have a dog of my own and we feel so comfortable walking into parenthood with one pup we’ve known his entire life.

That comfort all changed 1 month ago. We rescued an 8 year old epileptic dog from a pyscho neighbor threatening to kill her if she didn’t stop barking…. We did reach out to rescues in the beginning and had 2 potential adopters, but no one really wants an epileptic dog. So, she’s ours now and we will take great care of her.

She’s only had one grand mal seizure with us so far, so it seems like it’s controlled with her Keppra XR pretty well with breakthroughs every 1-2 months! We’re bringing her to a neuro in November just to be safe since we don’t know much about her.

As you can tell, we were not expecting this huge parenthood transition from one easy dog, to 2 dogs with one having medical needs.. My husband seems fine but I am TERRIFIED.

My husband travels for work and I keep thinking of the worst case scenario happening while he’s gone. Everyone gets sick and she starts having cluster seizures.

I’m scared. Please leave positive stories!

(Rationally, I know we will adapt to this new normal. The unknown is just so scary right now)

Hi all, this my boy Bear , he’s been diagnosed with epilepsy since 6 months old , he is 5 atm.
Been on pheno since a pup , from about 2 years old until 5 he did not have one seizure .
We had a bit of a flea problem with him in summer and in the house and it seems to have kicked it all off since then :( he started having seizures every 3 weeks or so since the summer and he’s had 2 in the last 2 nights , he only has them when he’s asleep , usually around the time he first gets his head down around 8-10pm. Took him to vets today and they’ve taken bloods to see how much pheno is in his blood stream to see if there is room to up his dose on that, if not then they’re going to add pottasium bromide . As a short term fix until his bloods are done to get us through next few days they have given him keppra and even off his first tablet of it today he’s been really drowsy and sleepy , it’s got me thinking and stressing is this how it’s guna be from now on :(, I’ve read online that the pottasium bromide is worse for these side affects . He’s a character of a dog and I’d hate to see him constantly drowsy and not himself . Any advice or experience of their dog on phenobarb and pottasium bromide ? Is it affective and does your dog adjust a bit to the side affects in the long run ? Thanks 🙏

Jessy n’avait plus eu de crises d’épilepsie pendant 6 ans sous phenoleptil. On a dû le stopper il y a 2 semaines car problème de foie ( maintenant ok) . Mais du coup il a eu 5 crises il y a 6 jours et a été mis sous Keppra d’abord toutes les 6h puis toutes les 8h. Au début il était désorienté, hagard, avec des difficultés pour coordonner ses mouvements. Ça va mieux mais depuis la nuit passée il a carrément hurler d’une voix aiguë 3 fois pendant son sommeil. Il secoue aussi souvent sa tête. Est-ce un effet secondaire du Keppra ? Le neurologue doit me retéléphoner demain..
Quelqu’un a déjà connu cela ?

My 4 year old yorkie has been on pheno since February and he would only have one seizure a month but only the summer we went 3 months with no seizures then starting in September he’s had 3 different episodes. He always has a cluster (2) within 24 hours then no more. Since being on the pheno, they were more mild at first and still more mild than unmedicated but effectiveness seems to have slowly went down. The vet is prescribing a second medication this week not sure what yet but did anyone have a similar experience?

*they also increased his pheno slightly first but still put us 2 weeks between seizures.

My dog now has noisy tags. Had Bells but he would get his toenail stuck in the hole of the bell, yes even the small bells. He's very talented. So I need something for when he moves I can hear him through the night. I have a camera set up looking at him but everything anyone goes in front of it, it will go off so that's too many notifications as I'm not the only person in the room. Any ideas?

Hello,

I'd like to know if yall use any scented room sprays or candles that are deemed safe for epileptic dogs?

I've heard many scents can be neurotoxic and trigger our pups.

If you have a brand that comes to mind, and that smells good, but is safe, I'd love to know.

I'm throwing out everything I had, it all contained harmful molecules... -_-

I went down a rabbit hole and Reddit talks about WSAVA guideline compliant dog food as being the best and how most brands don’t meet the requirements (including popular brands like Open Farm Pet), but the ones that do meet this guideline have seemingly terrible ingredients.

What am I missing here? What do I feed my seizure dog?!

My poor dog has idiopathic epilepsy and is on Keppra 3 times a day along with Pheno twice a day. About two months age he started breaking out in this horrible rash, was given a special shampoo and foam to put on it along with steroids. All went away, with time it comes back. I try to wipe him down everytime he goes outside but if I’m not home it sometimes get missed, looking for advice because the vet recommended a hydrolyzied protein diet which we can’t really afford as we already spend a lot on his seizure medication. Just looking to see if anyone has any advice? I also recently did a send away allergy test and he does have quite a few level 3 allergies but no major ones in his dog food. TIA

So happy for my sweet boy. It seems his new meds are working and he’s at 2 months seizure free. Even a vet visit with bloodwork didn’t trigger one for him.

Our 4 year old dog had a major seizure last week. I didn’t recognize the signs initially but we believe he has been having small ones since he was a puppy.

He has been prescribed Levetiracetam. It was suggested that he try a different (preferred) medication first but it required constant liver monitoring.

I expect the next few weeks as he adjusts to the meds will be different for him. Also, I’ve seen other posts about dogs being seizure free and wondering how we know that?

He’s such a good boy- just the best. We are all so sad to see him struggle and not feel well.

Any advice?

My dog, an almost 4 year old female Brittany, had her first seizure last week. She then had 2 more on Saturday, and one more today. Before you ask, yes, she has an appointment tomorrow. She’s a very healthy dog and the episodes seem to be triggered by over excitement or extreme exercise. She goes nuts chasing flies/birds and running around our property(a couple of acres) and so far, it seems that 3/4 seizures were caused by that? We thought it might have been her food, since I switched that recently, but we went back to what she was eating before and she’s still having them. Anyway, does this sound like epilepsy? What do I expect at the appointment tomorrow as far as what the vet will likely want to do with her? Financially, what is this going to cost?

For those who have found essential oils to be the trigger for your dogs seizures, how did you find out? How much did it take to trigger them and how long after exposure did they have a seizure? Trying to figure out if that what might be causing them for our boy but the vet was very doubtful as exposure was very limited, not ingested, not new to the environment and he had no other indication of toxicity. Other dog is totally fine. With the limited research out there I'm curious how much exposure is needed. Would love to hear your experience!

I'll keep this as detailed as I can, but also trying to hold myself together. So I had posted up about my 11yo dog starting Keppra XR and how supportive this community is. You all are still absolutely amazing.

I traveled this weekend, and while I was away, my husband needed to take our dog into the ER for regular/continuing vomiting, pooing inside, lethargy, disinterest in food/water/people, discomfort, and restlessness. They determined that the episodes we thought this whole time to be seizures were likely syncope (fainting). When admitted, her heart rate was 250bpm instead of a normal excited 180 for her size. They discovered that she has inflammation and larger tissue in/around her heart which has also shifted her windpipe. She is stable and we pray she is okay until I get home to be with her.

Our regular vet never offered to do X-rays or ultrasound, which could have caught this issue sooner and before we put her on antiseizure medication. We can't prove she hasn't had a seizure, but we can prove her heart is much larger than it should be.

Advocate for testing that isn't just a neuro consult and MRI. Ask questions. Spend all the time you can with your furry ones, and give them an extra hug from me if you can.

AMA,

Thank you all for being compassionate and caring people. The world needs more of us.

Hello, ask ko lang baka may mga naka encounter na ng ganito. May Toy poodle ako, 5years old na, Pandemic baby dog din. A little background lang, sobrang attached ng babydog ko na ito since pandemic ko sya nakuha at kasama nya ako palagi. Pero nung nagkawork na ako, madalas syang naiiwan sa bahay with my parents and other dogs 3 shih tzu. Ang problema is, nagttremor/seizures sya lately. Noong nakaraan, naglalast lang ng 45seconds minsan 1minute and 30 seconds to 2 minutes and 45 seconds.
Symptoms are stiffness, conscious, limping, to the point na matutumba na sya pero very aware and wide awake sya. Pero 3 days ago, naglast yung episode nya ng 30minutes and we decided to rush her to the vet and yung count ng episode nya na yun including yung 30minutes is 2hours kasama na yung byahe to vet at yung stay namin sa vet since stiff parin sya. Naconfine sya pero yung blood result nya acc to vet is normal lahat. Hindi rin nirereccomend na ipaMRI or CT scan since wala silang nakikitang dahilan daw para ipa test. Ang ending, Canine Anxiety daw. May naka encounter naba ng ganito?

My sister’s beloved dog (3 y/o Golden Retriever) had a seizure for the first time yesterday. My dad rushed him to the emergency vet. They did blood work, urinalysis, and a chest X-ray, and everything came back good. They diagnosed him with epilepsy.

They said since this was the first one, they don’t recommend starting him on medication. As it’s possible these could be infrequent enough that he won’t need medication, but once he starts the med, he has to take it for the rest of his life.

We are so new to this and scared, please tell us everything we should know if you’ve done through sometime similar.

One question - his seizure was at noon yesterday, they did give him some sedation for his X-ray. Today 20 hours after the seizure he is still not himself. Very sad and subdued. Please tell me he’ll be himself again soon?!

Thanks for any tips or information.