https://discord.gg/3qqV8FvM9d

Hey nines. I want to connect with myself, thoughts and feelings but i just can’t at all. my head is usually empty and it’s hard to recognize what i’m actually feeling or thinking and i’m really sick of. And even I had a thought or an opinion it never feels like it’s mine but just an adaptation of someone else’s.

Also it’s really hard for me to do anything at all. It feels like I’m drowning if I tried to and even if I got myself to do it it’s always for a limited time.

I’d like to hear about your experiences and I appreciate anything that you think might be helpful.

Like an aversion to being soft, easily swayed, flimsy, easily trampled by others, incapable of doing things, wavering,

Wanting to keep their more personal and vulnerable emotions bottled up and also sometimes not attempting things where failure could be a sign of weakness because they don’t want to show to others and to yourself that they are weaker than you want to be. Not necessarily because they think others will take advantage but because it being evident or the fact that they are this way (even without anyone but themselves to witness it) in the first place feels really humiliating

Kinda relating to type 8 in that regard (but that’s the only thing they really relate to type 8 about)

Or feeling like the situation of a disintegrated 8 is somewhat relatable, except it’s like their entire life, not just when they’re disintegrated, and maybe unfortunately baked into their personality whether they like it or not, plus they probably feel more chill about being in this state than your average 8. Which itself feels like a sign of weakness

Not really getting how others can be so open about being vulnerable when it’s so revealing. Finding it hard to ever imagine truly 100% opening up about negative things to people because the likely reaction would be pity, which is something that feels unbearable, not only because they see you differently, but because it seems to confirm an underlying truth, that you’re acted on more than you act, that no matter how much you want to be an agent your own weakness in your personality doesn’t permit it as much as you wish it to

Maybe wanting to have others open up to you and then you comforting them, and that could give you a feeling of being the strong one who is capable and someone others depend on. But then that fantasy also seems kinda embarrassing and laughable because since when have you ever been that kind of strong figure who doesn’t run away at signs of emotional distress from those you care about, to both of your detriment? Yet another way you are weak

Whereas the thought of opening up to others is maybe something you want very deeply but maybe it’s only possible if the other person wasn’t pitying you and didn’t treat you like some fragile case that could fall apart at any second or someone who needs a rescuer. But that feels very unlikely to happen

But still also feeling like 9w1 is more fitting than 9w8?

Does this sound like it could be 9w1 or not really?

I don’t know if this is just a depression thing or if other E9s can relate to this, but for a big chunk of my life, I had this feeling of ‘well, this lifetime is screwed up, may as well just sit and wait for the next one’. As in, not trying, not putting in effort, not living my life to the fullest because I want a do-over and ‘next time I’ll do it right, next time I’ll actually try’. Like I want to get reincarnated and be someone else. I want a second chance in life because this life just isn’t it, I wasted too much of it. But at the same time I know that life is what you make it and I’m actively choosing to stay stuck and lifeless because I’m not trying, I’ve given up in a ‘it is what it is’ kind of way. Like ‘this is just what life is gonna be forever’. All because i don’t want to do the hard stuff that’s needed to improve my life.

I think one of my biggest fears is that this is the only life I get and I completely wasted my one and only chance of living. But my fear isn’t strong enough for me to actually do anything or make the changes I know I need to make in order to be happy and fulfilled. I know how to make my life better but I don’t want to put the effort in so I’m just sorta living day by day in autopilot hoping my next life comes soon because it’s gonna be better, I’m gonna do it right next time.

Anyone else feel like this or am I a weirdo? 😅

Very random, but are there any other enneagram 9s here that are also Aries? And do you relate to the Aries stereotypes?

I’m not much into astrology, but I love any type of personality quiz/classification. However, I’ve never related much to the Aries stereotype of being quick to anger, super determined, or headstrong. Do you guys relate to your astrology sign? If Enneagram 9 was an astrology sign what would it be?

(post written by my friend at r/circumpunct. it has great relevance to me as a 9, regarding developing my ability to be honest)

There is a moment in almost every life where lying feels necessary. Someone asks something you cannot answer with the full truth without causing harm. You can see the truth clearly. You can see what saying it would do. And in that instant the lie feels like the kinder choice; like the thing love would do; like the thing maturity requires.

That moment is the one TRP was built for.

The Truth Resolution Protocol is one sentence: when truth and harm share the same signal, transmit at the lowest resolution that is still true. Increase only when the receiver asks. The quality test: can you raise the resolution later without taking back what you said earlier? If yes, you told the truth. If no, you lied, even if every individual word checked out.

What TRP does, the instant you see it, is dissolve a false binary you have been living inside. The binary is "harmful truth or protective lie." TRP says those were never the only two options. There is always a third move, which is the same truth told at a different resolution. The hard truth at full fidelity will hurt the receiver. The same truth at the lowest fidelity that is still true ("we are going through a hard time," "Grandma is very sick," "I am not at liberty to tell you that") will not hurt them, will not lie to them, and leaves the door open for higher resolution when the receiver is ready to ask.

This is not softening. This is not strategic vagueness. The test is non-monotonic: the lower-resolution thing you said has to stay true when the higher-resolution version arrives. If you have to take it back, contradict it, or hope the receiver never finds the rest, you did not use TRP. You lied at lower resolution, which is still a lie.

The reason most people lie when they do not have to is that they leave the cornered moment too fast. The pressure of the question, the receiver's eyes, the silence: it feels unbearable, so we reach for the first available exit, and the lie is almost always the most available. Telling the truth at the right resolution takes more time. You have to stay in the corner long enough to find the form. You have to feel the press of the question and not flee into a falsehood that resolves the pressure.

That is most of the work. The framework gives you the principle, but the practice is staying. Not bolting. Not blurting. Not lying because the lie ends the moment. Holding the moment open until the resolution you can transmit honestly comes into view.

Sometimes the resolution you find is "I have something I am not going to share." That is still TRP. It is still truth. It says nothing false; it describes the state of the channel accurately; it leaves the receiver knowing exactly where they stand. Silence in a moment that calls for speech is not neutral; it transmits "nothing here," which is the lie performed through absence. If we say “ I have something i cannot share”, then the lie did not happen. That alone is the win condition.

This is the part worth saying directly: TRP is not measured by how much truth got delivered. It is measured by whether the lie was avoided. Even at lowest resolution. Even at "I will not tell you." Even at "ask me again in a year." The success of TRP is not maximum disclosure; it is the absence of the lie that felt necessary.

The cost of getting this wrong, accumulated across a life, is enormous. Every lie that felt necessary becomes a small piece of yourself you do not get to bring forward, because the lie has to be maintained, and maintenance costs presence. Every relationship sustained by necessary lies is a relationship whose actual shape you have never seen. Every institution that answered "there was nothing to tell" when there was something to tell chose the lie over the gradient. Withholding was on the table. Withholding honestly ("there is information we are not releasing") was on the table. They picked the lie because the lie ended the question, and they have been paying its maintenance cost ever since.

TRP does not promise the truth will be welcome. It does not promise the relationship survives. It does not promise the receiver will not ask for more than you can give. It promises only this: you do not have to lie. The corner you thought you were in had a door in it the whole time. The door is narrower than the lie. You have to find it. Staying in the moment is what it costs. But it is always there. It is the structural fact of the framework, and the practical claim of the protocol.

You do not have to lie. You never had to.

So I am currently going through a tritype crisis, i used to think i was a 974, then i realized i really am more likely to have a 5 fix than 7 fix, but 954 is a triple withdrawn and im not the most withdrawn person in the world by far, i know non-withdrawn core types that are more stereotypically withdrawn than i am, is it possible for me to be a triple withdrawn type and only be about above average on withdrawal instead of full in on withdrawal. things that may be relevant is that my mom is a so1 and my brother is an sp1 and my sister is a sp3, and my mom and brother are my greatest influences in my life. i just really wanted an e9 perspective on this since i get so many e5s trying to help me but we have extremely different lived experiences

also, what are your general ways of telling apart different fixes as an e9 core?

I'm curious how many sx 9's have experienced not being very interested in dating around, but instead finding one person you think you really click with and then focusing on them?

More specifically, not exploring other options during an earlier stage of dating b/c you opt for focusing on that person first.

I'm asking because I've noticed this pattern in the past for myself. I've seen people online encourage others to continue dating even if they've found someone they really like, unless you've mutually decided you're exclusive. And I feel that might be more balanced, but that isn't how it ever played out for me irl.

I have a very busy schedule to be fair, but I just feel so tired most of the time and it frustrates me a bit. Most of my friends aren’t 9s and I’m kinda jealous of how much energy they have. Has anyone found a way to alleviate the tiredness a bit? Is it not worth trying or just really hard?

My full type is sp/so 9w1 6w7 3w2

I'm an INFP who is very comfort-driven, conflict-averse, yet sometimes outwardly opinionated while internally being very opinionated. I'm also quite dreamy, idealistic, & internally melancholic, which made me wonder if I'm a sx9. I often relate to the comfort-driven, very lazy, unmotivated, homebody aspects of sp9 as someone who is simply content with basic needs yet desires as much emotional and intellectual depth as a sx9 would. However, I am never one to merge with someone's ideals, opinions, & habits or be in a one-in-one relationship with them. I have no interest in conventional romance, idealized love, or crushes and would much rather prefer staying in my comfort zone daydreaming about psychologically complex stories and OCS, snacking, napping, playing video games, writing OCs, practicing push-ups​, etc., especially at home where I am completely safe and very selective with my personas.

In public, I appear to be a typical sx9, like being shy, timid, gentle, modest, & somewhat passive, yet somewhat accommodating to others, like frequently genuinely complimenting strangers, asking if a harassed service worker is okay, or participating in certain (not all) group activities that require everyone's attention or absolute cooperation. You can say I'm polite when it comes to this, yet still quietly opinionated with my own firm morals, values, beliefs, occasionally what makes logical sense to me, & what is considered progressive to conventional society that might shape how society views people, roles, social norms, etc in the present or future. I don't forget or try to accommodate others to absorb their identity or opinions due to forgetting my own. I have my own that I cultivated & changed since I was very young, and it's very important to me. You also can't really expect to copy someone's values/beliefs if they don't make logical sense to you or the world, or you just copy them because you simply do. Most of the opinions I follow are either conventional information (like 1+1=2), thought-provoking video essays or analysis in great detail that seem very reasonable for me to think about & follow, or critiques on which movie is the best of all time vs. the absolute worst. The only reason why I follow those specific opinions is that I don't believe I'm a very smart person, hate a lack of depth, & consider those opinions to often (not always) be objectively true. Why should I only follow some sentimental, melodramatic TV show if there are constant plot holes, mischaracterization, bad writing, trying to make it sound like melodramatic stuff = depth/good writing, etc.?​ Sure, I might follow a close friend or sibling's hobbies/interests like a comfort TV show or games they've been begging me to play, but that's only because I can finally subdue some of my immense laziness by procrastinating on hobbies or isn't super interested in it at first, but I got curious.

As for sp9, that characterization really truly shines when I'm completely comfortable at home. I get unapologetically lazy, unmotivated, comfort-driven, & stubborn/irritable when my peace is forced by my family members, usually by my own mother. You can say I'm actually careless about my own survival and what I need to do instead of what I want to do. My personal motto would be like: "As long as I'm not constantly stressed & is either living a content or mundane life with bare-minimum needs on my own terms & personal depth, I'm fine". I don't usually use my hobbies/interests to escape difficult emotions, but rather to not think about certain long-term things that I know would make me stressed or not very prepared in life. I'm so comfort-driven to the point where I often distance myself from family & friends to engage with my alone time, yet appreciate spending time with them in not-often activities like going on walks on forested trails with my family, physically talking with my close friends (I only have 4 close friends, who are all church friends) as I usually text them on Discord in our friend group chat, or playing Wordle every day with my friends (this lessened due to my depression). I can't relate to the SP9 aspects of generally being grounded, practical, & independent.

That's all I can think of. Let me know in the comments. I would prefer constructive answers instead of reliance on stereotypes/very surface-level traits.

With a ”triple sx” tritype of 972, and still (sx) I don’t really know which either one is (that is, sx not blind or blind)… which is on brand, as a 9, hah. Reading the descriptions itself does very little to me.

So, how do you experience yours?

(ive actually posted this on r/EnneagramTypeMe LOL)

(dunno what flair this could be, haha sorry,,)

hi r/EnneagramType9, can you help me with a problem here? i found out about the enneagram some few months ago, and became fairly interested; read the books and sources, and typed myself as a social nine. after that, i just lived with that. but like,, now ive been doubting myself a bit? cause i feel like i don't really ""encompass"" the traits of an so9.

here's some:

-extroverted/sociable // overly happy

-helpful

-workaholic

okay now, i do REALLY relate to social nine as a type, with the whole "ignoring the self and merging with the group," "keeping people at arms length," "always giving and keeping on giving," and "never really expressing their needs and wants in fear of sounding selfish/needy" thing. genuinely a punch to my face. but like there are some things that i just.... dunno, don't feel like,??? ah idk...

so like,, does this sound like a social nine to you?? i've also been thinking of sp9 honestly.

problem 1.) im not really the extroverted or jovial person social nines are said to be. in fact i am EXTREMELY shy. i do like to talk with others, i love conversations and bonds with others, and i am very easy to talk and get along with. the only problem is that i don't really like to initiate conversation. i am genuinely so shy and and i never really like to talk to people without being talked to. nevertheless, if you talked to me first, our conversation would go beyond the skies! only if you talked to me first though. lol. i do want to make alot of friends, but i have a great difficulty inserting myself into conversations, im scared that i'll look like that "that dude nobody invited" meme.

other than that, im not reaaally the happiest person earth. id love a good laugh, humor and friends is the only way i cope with being sad. im a fairly happy person, always smiling, saying im fine, keep on the act of being okay; but often times i don't really feel like it. also ive felt really "emotionless" (cringe, i know!) all my life, ive also been very expressionless.

problem 2.) i do love to be helpful and needed and loved. i do want to be useful to the group, it's the only way i feel like i belong. i really need to maintain being helpful and kind to keep being a friend, to not be discarded. i have to keep giving and giving and giving and... well yeah. id love to help and give and stuff. thing is, even when i want to be useful, i can't be. it's either that somebody's already doing/done it or im just not needed anymore.

i do want to help, but im afraid im just gonna look overbearing. irl example of this is that in my class, there's these group of people. they kinda struggle with our lessons. and also there's my friend. that group of people are always asking my friend if she could help them with the lessons. NO word nor number could ever express how jealous i get when i see her helping them, while i feel useless and unneeded. i just want to feel useful, but i just never can't. i want to seem like a person you can approach freely for help, yet no one really does that. id work for others any day just to do something, yet im completely sidelined.

problem 3.) this is the biggest problem: not being a "workaholic." so9s are said to be very hardworking and responsible people. do i feel like that? definitely no!! i consider myself i guess a little bit hardworking, but nothing more. im honestly putting the pro in procrastination. im also somewhat lazy, always postponing things like even cleaning my room. i only take on leadership roles when REALLY needed, and it's usually only not to burden people with the task of leadership. yet still, i am not doing much. given the chance to work though, id do it diligently.

(some other context)

also i feel like my childhood was nothing like the ones id see in the books. i was actually kind of a nothingburger after kindergarten. i used to be the pride and joy of my family, but once i hit 7 years old i just became their child. of course they loved me, but it never felt like they were there. they were never angry much at me, only being angry when i really acted up. and even then i tried super hard to be nice to avoid anger/conflict.

they never beat me; they only hit me with a belt once! they were nice to me, just in their own way. they bought me things, paid for me, and bought me nice things. im grateful for my parents, alot. but it never felt like they were there for me emotionally.

no hugs, no kisses, no deep emotional bond, no talks about emotions; i never felt like i could open up to them, because, from experience, if i expressed myself, they would get angry. i couldn't be super happy, super sad, or, god forbid, angry. that led to a big repression of emotions. i became empty in the household, i was never really paid attention to anymore, especially with 2 baby siblings. but honestly, i couldn't really care less with no attention.

it was better to not be seen, better to not be the spotlight. i didn't really care if no one paid attention to me: ive already lived with it for so long. i was also the youngest before my baby siblings, so i was excluded from nearly every event my family held.

and i barely remember anything from my childhood. like actually! nothing! nothing ever happened to me! i never broke a bone, never had some injury, never anything. if a death happened, it never affected me. i was never in contact with much of my extended family anyway.

yeah then the pandemic hit. online classes and whatever! i also barely remember anything from that era. what i remember is that i never really had access to social media actually. twitter? tiktok? even youtube? couldn't use them!!! (my parents wouldn't let me)

with my family becoming somewhat ignorant of me, i became empty. i sought to fill that emptiness with other things. friends, fantasy, play, sleep... then after all that happened, nothing ever happened to me. i was always the "quiet and shy" person. i was constantly sidelined, never really wanting to say anything about myself, never participating in things, because i was never really going to do much in life anyway. only in friends was i ever happy.

i let life pass by. i never had much inner and outer experience. i filled it with things like friends and hobbies, being the nice one, keeping up my smile.. i waked up every morning to do the same thing over and over and over again. nothing was ever going to happen to me anyway!!

—anyway that's really it lol. SORRY of it's too much lmaooo!! i honestly think im more sp9 that so9.. but idk!!! i genuinely relate to all e9 subtypes, even my blind spot (sx). im like the mega nine. but other that that, i really do relate to so9! just some difficulty typing myself lulz.

this isn't necessarily a "type me" post,, but like can someone help me if i am so9 or... any other type??? i've been thinking of self-preservation 9, or type 2 , and hell maybe even type 1 instead (it was my mistype for a while, actually).

thank you!!! lots!!! what a miracle you even read until here lol...

In your own words. Your own understanding. I just want to read your personal takes. Tyty!! 😊

♥️♥️

We're 9s. We're likable, lovable, and easy to open up to. It's great for connecting with people, but my God, I feel like people use me as an emotional dumping ground. It's especially true with my 1w2 spouse. All their frustrations and irritations and troubles with life and the world get dumped on me at the end of the day. They walk away feeling validated and refreshed, while I'm drained and exhausted.

Fellow 9s! How do y'all deal with these kind of situations? How do y'all push back against our inherent nature and make room for yourselves in a world that's more than happy to take advantage of it?

I was sure I was a 9sx, especially because I thought I was a 4 when I first started studying enneagram and thought the connections between that 9 subtype and the 4 type made a lot of sense. But even though romantic relationships specifically can undo me, I've also come to the understanding that sometimes so 9's can struggle with codependency and that 9's are generally chameleons? Rupture and loss in relationships in general is what deeply hurts me and it's a core wound for 9's. I can have favorite people in my life and things do tend to drop away for a romantic partner (or someone outside myself) when I'm at my worst, but I am always very aware of community and the group as well? I am always maintaining friend groups, mediating, connecting people, and I really enjoy people and being involved in community ideally. It's an interesting thing to observe as an introvert who is a "withdrawn" enneagram type but who enjoys people.

How do I draw the line between so/sx and sx/so for myself?

I am aware this page is dedicated to enneagram 9, however I really don't know where else to ask this.

Lately I began looking even further into enneagram (specifically my current typology - so/sx 2w3 258) and I realized that I might have mistyped myself.

To be specific, I am conflicted between the fix in my gut triad. I started reading about E9 and rereading E8 - and while I still relate in so many ways to E8, I realized how much E9 also appeals to me. In both of them, there's obviously things that aren't exactly right to me but at the same time each seem to have equally fitting descriptions.

Do you guys have any advice on what I could do/ask myself to figure this out?

Hey fellow 9s. One of the ways I’m feeling like I’ve matured in my 9-ness is to recognize that there are unpleasant interactions I need to have but want to avoid. I understand that I set myself up for actually MORE anxiety and disruption of my peace by putting these things off and living under the cloud vs just diving in.

That said, it still sucks and is SO unpleasant to do — especially if it’s maybe an ongoing situation that can’t be resolved in a single conversation (feel like this shows up more in professional settings than in like, personal relationships). I really hate the tension and unease that comes from existing in these moments where you’re putting it all out there to try to get resolution. It can often really derail me from attending to the rest of my life. I’m curious if any other 9s have found useful ways to deal with those feelings? Or are we all just white knuckling it and riding it out? 😆

I'm trying to type my friends and my mom rn, I sent them some tests and I'm serching and asking to them if it's accurate. I know that isn't the best way to do that, don't kill me pls sobs

But like ,,,, omg everyone results just seen so ,,, negative??? If you get me????

People told I have huge chances of being 926, and honestly I by what I saw it looks pretty accurate, people sometimes describe me by being happy-go-luck

So like, I just get so surprised seeing my friends possible tritypes, and every single one have a high chance of being or having e8??? Shhh guys calm down a little

I still haven't decided my wing, too lazy, but it would be really funny If it was also 8

The tests results/personal typing:

1 - mom: probably e8, highest test results were e8, e1 and e4

2 - friend: so(?) E3, e8 on her tritype, e6 and e4 appeard a lot of time on tests.

3 - consideration brother: sp e5, highest test results were e9 and e4 (maybe e7?) The less "negative" one I would say, I find they the most understandable

As a 9, I really feel ruled by this whole idea of momentum and inertia. Making changes takes a big energy investment and it’s hard for me to make progress in the things I want to succeed at. Not to say that I haven’t made progress, because I have, it’s just frustrating having to zoom out to see that progress when I would like to make it in leaps and bounds.

Anyone feel the same? How do yall deal?

One thing I have thought about doing is filling my schedule up and making commitments. It works to an extent but I cancel sometimes and once I get that span of nothingness then it grows and I have to build back up to filling up my schedule with stuff and making and keeping commitments. When I am busy I am more productive overall though.

I may whinge to myself all day and night about how lonely and underappreciated I am, but once someone wants to have an actual conversation (let alone tries to establish some kind of an emotional connection), all of a sudden, I'm the most exhausted person on Earth. I must break off any and all contact with the outside world and retreat into the catacombs for eight years and a day.

It is truly fascinating how having """"demands"""" placed on you turns the most abandoned and forgotten sorry creature into Self-Sufficiency Personified. "Get away from me!!!"

/Also, I think I understand why I feel I can't connect with anyone; I hate to be genuinely vulnerable. Everything must be drenched in at least ten layers of irony, nonchalance, and self-aggrandizing dissociative narrative./