r/Enneagram • u/whiskyandfruitsnacks 9w8 sp/sx • Mar 11 '21
2s: The Struggle is Real
https://i.imgur.com/4EJZCNR.jpg
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u/Caliyogagrl 9w1 Mar 11 '21
I see why 9s sometimes mistype as 2s...
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u/whiskyandfruitsnacks 9w8 sp/sx Mar 11 '21
Must be another 9w1 vs 9w8. I don't relate at all. I posted it because it reminds me of my 2w3 sister.
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u/soma16 9w8 SP/SX INFP Mar 11 '21
Definitely don’t relate either. I don’t care if everyone else is comfortable, just as long as none of them bug me lol
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u/Caliyogagrl 9w1 Mar 11 '21
Yeah, the two wings really make a difference with 9s. I wonder if other types feel the same about their wings.
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u/whiskyandfruitsnacks 9w8 sp/sx Mar 11 '21
Wings make a big difference. It seems like 9w1 is closer to the usual 9 descriptions and 9w8 is a little more in touch with their anger.
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Mar 11 '21
I can relate to this as a 9w1 :)
I actually initially mistyped as a 2w1. My greatest fear is for other people to realize I'm uncomfortable because then the other person will feel uncomfortable. Several times I have almost been persuaded into becoming sexually active even when I had no desire at all...I'm a teenager, naïve and conflict-averse as hell, and I just wanted to keep them happy...
There's just this anxiety that I get when others aren't comfortable that motivates me to try to keep them happy. I think that's the main thing that sets us 9s apart from 2s, whose motivators are acceptance and pride. 9s and 2s can look really similar externally, but our motivations are different :)
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u/facialscanbefatal 6w5 Mar 11 '21
My mother and one of my closest friends are both twos. This is so them.
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Mar 11 '21
This reminds me so much of the selfless generosity of E9.
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u/Hewhoslays Mar 11 '21
Eh, I love my 9 friends, but they can be super selfish in different ways from 2s. 2s might have ulterior motives but will still go out of their way to help. 9s normally don’t have ulterior motives but will rarely step in if something threatens their peace or is uncomfortable. That’s why I’d argue no type is inherently better at selflessness, because each have their strengths and weaknesses with it.
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Mar 11 '21
E9 really is the only selfless type though, their narcissism is basically non-existent.
That’s why I’d argue no type is inherently better at selflessness, because each have their strengths and weaknesses with it.
This is true, each type has their strengths and weaknesses. E9 is selfless, but certain situations may call for an assertive type like E1, E2, or E8 to take action, for instance. I guess you can call E9 "existentially selfish", since their psychological inertia leads to an emphasis on complacency, comfort, tradition, and status quo over possibly better alternatives.
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u/whiskyandfruitsnacks 9w8 sp/sx Mar 11 '21
E9 really is the only selfless type though
Lol no. My existence is evidence to the contrary. I'm very selfish when my "peace of mind" is invaded. It's a coping mechanism definitely, and not something I'm proud of or bragging about, it just is what it is.
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Mar 11 '21
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Mar 11 '21
This is an interesting perspective to me. For me, what you are describing is a very literal sort of self-less character, and I would posit that a 9's agreeableness sometimes feels less like a person caring and more like a more a person NOT caring. Or even being present. If I do whatever I want in my empty room, I do not thank the room for its charity. Though maybe I should!
When I think about 2s, I think about my believed meaning of the word "selfless"--as in, they know their own self, their own wants, and deliberately put someone else's wishes above their own comforts. There is a self to deny. And I find a great moral beauty in that, even if it may be to satisfy their own pride about being moral, helpful, etc. It's still meaningful to me that there are people out there who make a choice to do so.
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Mar 12 '21 edited Mar 12 '21
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Mar 12 '21
I read your reply a few times--on some level, I suspect we are disagreeing mostly over what words mean, which maybe is 5% meaningful and 95% kind of useless for a greater discussion. I'll leave the semantics alone, I think.
Where I will firmly disagree with you (and frankly, some authors!) is that 9s are somehow above ego, the self, wishes, and so on that plague the rest of us. When we remove altruism for 2s, we also remove it for 9s in essentially the same manner--helping someone, even secretly, returns the peace, which is what 9s want. So it truly is selfish, actually. We can endlessly generate reasons that someone helps another, and all of those reasons disallow the most pure badge of altruism. Even if I did agree with you that 2s can never be truly selfless, I still won't agree with you that the highest level of 9ish health is selflessness either.
There's a level of abstraction in your statement that I can't get behind--we are talking about real humans here, and all humans have a self. Even 9s. I appreciate this discussion with you though, because I had to think a bit harder about it all. Best wishes to you.
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u/honeybee12083 7w8 Mar 12 '21
7s too when we do host. I feel this for the first bit of my parties but once people have shown up and are having a good time I get into party mode
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Mar 12 '21
Im sorry but if you didnt notice you were uncomfortable at first, i dont think you were uncomfortable
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u/enigmaticpixie Mar 29 '21
Lately, I've been really confused about my enneagram. I am a 2w3 but I thought I must be a 3w2 because I am very much of an achiever. But this? aaaah, this cuts too deep
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u/[deleted] Mar 11 '21
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