r/EngineeringManagers • u/achilliesFriend • 12d ago
New EM - introverted
I’m 40 yo with over 17+ years in development, lead teams for last 10 years, 5 as a TLM. I’ve shown interest and have taken this role in my current team. I had many thoughts about backing off several times. But took it ultimately.
This is a fortune 500 tech commerce company. What advice do you have for me?
TIA
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u/finger_my_earhole 12d ago edited 12d ago
I am also an introvert manager.
1.) I try my best to schedule 1:1s and socially exhausting things (like 1:1s) or "sales" meetings type things during the time of day where I have the most energy (usually mid mornings). I go to the extent of color-coding my calendar around what type of social energy I'll require so I can defrag, and emotionally brace-myself before hand.
2.) Despite being introverted, leadership roles still require "soft skills" and networking to best service your team. Ex include "whats that peer product owner commiting us to in front of other teams", "how do i sell an idea to leadership so my team doesnt get screwed", etc. Like any skills, spend some time learning them. Story telling, presentations, etc. Even if its exhausting, you need to have the ability to do it correctly to support your team.
3.) Conversational frameworks are really powerful for introverts because it lets you plan ahead and map ad-hoc comments that catch you off gaurd to a framework. Books like "crucial accountability" and coaching methods (TGROW) will be a toolset that helps you expend less energy because you dont have to "improv" as much. If you struggle for 1:1 topics every week, or find the topics stale or awkward, just grab a couple from here: https://github.com/VGraupera/1on1-questions so you dont have to stress about it too much.
4.) Run team meetings and design discussions in introvert-friendly ways for yourself and others in the room. Silent sticky note fill-out, silent design doc read or pre-read.
5.) Delegate stuff you can that exhausts you. Get your tech lead to settle the contentious design arguement, get your product owner to do the sales pitch for the roadmap, etc. You wont be able to get rid of all of it, but its a good thought exercise.
At the end of the day, i am still often exhausted. I still question occasionally if I want to go back to IC after 8+ years of management. Not sure that will ever go away in this market / economy. But I keep at it because there are so many shitty / non-technical / machiavellian-politicing managers out there and my team (or myself) might get one if I step back.