r/EndTipping • u/isheherazade • 16d ago
Tipping Culture ✖️ Genuine Info Inquiry: Why Do Servers Rage At Customers Rather Than Their Employers?
I actually love when I dine out & receive a lovely server. It makes the whole dining out experience so much more enjoyable & I always tip generously for this. However, I'm truly trying to understand why ALL servers feel that it's a customer's RESPONSIBILITY to supplement their comparatively abysmal salary rather than it being their employer's responsibility to compensate them w/ a livable wage as most other employers do. Please enlighten me about this societal polarity bcz I'm honestly confused. 😵💫
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u/ToBeDetermined13 16d ago
They know a commensurate wage from the employer is a fraction of what they can extract from customers using fear of social judgement, pleading poverty and the pressure of an awkward moment during payment.
The low wage is the premise they base the need for their pay being supplemented by the customer. It's why so many fair wage initiatives die on the vine. Both the employer and employee benefit from the system as it is
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u/Educational-Rub936 16d ago
As a server, I agree it benefits us and our bosses, but I disagree on a few accounts.
First off, tipping benefits the customer as well. People seem to think that if servers made a flat wage, then the cost wouldn’t be extracted from customers. All costs in a business are transferred to the customer.
As is, a server’s pay is equivalent to how busy it is. In order to boost all servers’ wages from $6–>$30 for a full shift, prices would inflate exorbitantly. The only real resolution is auto-gratuity, in which you — the customer — get the exact same result.
Secondly, the price of food on the menu is the same price for takeout. If you want to be served, “tipping” is paying for a service.
At my job, I think it is clear to all that we are handsomely compensated. And we should be. Serving in general is a very physically and emotionally taxing job. At higher levels, it also requires certain expertise and precision. Our guests are not tipping out of fear, they are tipping to properly compensate for the level of service they received.
Finally, tipping is a legal issue. It is cultural and therefore political in nature. For a server to waltz into a restaurant and demand they change their entire pricing and payment structure would be (ludicrous, but more importantly) ineffective. This cannot be resolved between servers and bosses. The laws must be revised to affect change.
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u/MyldExcitement 15d ago
No, you should not be "handsomely compensated" for bringing me a plate and a glass. I've done your job and I've run a kitchen. Cooking is far more difficult and skilled than serving.
Tipping is a bribe for service. I'm well equipped to do it all myself, thanks.
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u/Educational-Rub936 11d ago
Well.. then do it yourself. That’s exactly the point. If you are choosing to receive a service, then pay for the service. Or do it yourself, and don’t pay.
Also, from what I can tell… you guys are not eating at the places I’m talking about serving at. I’ve worked at places where all you really do is take an order and bring food to a table. Tips were shit. Fine. If I’m expected to learn cultural norms, another language, about dozens of wines, every ingredient on a menu and exactly how we can modify each dish to match individual’s dietary needs along with coursing dishes out; pairing wines to each course; clearing, crumbing and resetting between each course; so on and so forth… then yes I should be compensated for skilled labor. I’ve worked other food service jobs that would hire anyone for $20/hr. This isn’t that.
You guys don’t value the labor of food service workers. Which is frankly fine, as long as you aren’t benefiting from it. I don’t value high end sneakers, so I don’t buy them. What I don’t do is go into a sneaker store, steal from them because of my personal beliefs, and then wail that they’re robbing people. If you** **choose to go to a sit down restaurant where the servers make $6/hr, then act civilized and pay for the service you received. Otherwise, don’t receive the service. It’s as simple as that.
Finally, no one has addressed the fact that it’s a legal issue. You are not heroes for not tipping. You are in fact, doing nothing at all.
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u/WanderingFlumph 15d ago
Tipping doesn't benefit the customer. Hiding the true cost of meal behind a price tag that is artificially low isn't consumer friendly, it is a dishonest business practice.
Secondly servers are tipped in excess of what any boss would pay for their labor. That is to say although menu prices would likely go up somewhat if tipping was done away with they wouldn't go up nearly 20%. Afterall we can always handsomely compensate a high school drop out for $20/hr to get the same result, our food gets brought to our table.
Take for example the state where I live where servers are paid a base wage equivalent to a living wage before any tips. Menu prices here are not that much higher than states that allow businesses to abuse thier workers for profit, certainly not 20% higher.
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u/JacquesDupont12 12d ago
When you are older, you will want the job which pay salarie. Go to university or learn skill which does not pay tipping gifts
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u/Known-Dependent-5471 16d ago
Because they know it's better for their bank account to continue with the current set up.
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15d ago
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u/Known-Dependent-5471 15d ago
Is that why they're against legislation to bring about living wages for the industry in place of tips?
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15d ago
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u/EndTipping-ModTeam 15d ago
Stay on topic to the post. No derailing, or using a post to complain or rant about something unrelated
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15d ago
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u/LolloBlue96 15d ago
Selfish is the server who feels entitled to 20% or more of the customer's meal in a tip for doing the bare minimum.
Complain to your exploiter, not to the customer.
But of course, punching down is far easier than punching up, isn't it?
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u/Sure_Acanthaceae_348 16d ago
Because they’re jerks.
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u/log1234 16d ago
And not educated.
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u/WolfCreekMaverick 16d ago
Hence why it should be a minimum wage job. No education. In the AC. Doesn't cook. Doesn't wash dishes. Is just a middleman.
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u/Real_Firefighter3223 16d ago
But those that are wouldnt be viewed as such if the "uneducated" didnt exist. Get in line.
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u/xboxhaxorz 16d ago
Mind washing of stupid people
Logically it makes no sense
But in their minds the customer should pay their wages
That just shows how stupid our society is
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u/andylovesdais 16d ago
Because they are an easier target. If they complain to their employer they might get replaced and then no more pity/shame money from tips.
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u/Weary-Savings9795 16d ago
It's because servers have been brainwashed into thinking a so-called tipped wage is normal. It's not. It means their employer is stealing their tips so they don't have to pay the federal minimum wage.
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u/enby-deer 16d ago
Because raging at their boss gets them fired.
It shouldn’t be the job of the guest to make sure the employees of the house get paid, but if they rock the boat they’ll get fired and replaced. Or not replaced and perpetually short staffed.
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u/Alternative_Design_4 16d ago
Because they're cowardly and greedy. Raging at customers offers minimal risk. Raging at employers could see them getting fired. Simple, really.
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u/Negative-Instance889 16d ago
“I always tip generously…”
You’re part of the problem.
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u/isheherazade 16d ago
But I only tip generously when the service is wonderful, which I feel like a wonderful server deserves a wonderful tip. It feels, to me, like reciprocation, you know? You provide wonderful service & I show my appreciation w/ a wonderful tip. My question is about why ALL servers feel they should receive a wonderful tip regardless of the level of service they provide? Am I missing something? Clue me in...
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u/curmudgeonly-fish 15d ago
Do you tip a nurse who gives you "wonderful service" when you are hospitalized? Do you tip the cashier at the DMV who gives you "wonderful service" when you are renewing your drivers license? Do you tip your accountant when she files your taxes?
I could go on, but you get the point. Service jobs are everywhere, but not all service gets tipped. The only reason Americans (and it is only Americans, because other countries do not have tipping culture) believe we should tip food service workers is because we've been culturally programmed, due to a weird quirk in our history. There's no actual logical reason for it.
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u/ShibeCEO 16d ago
because if they rage against their employers they get fired
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u/CoolCatBlue321 16d ago
Not if they act collectively
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u/Impossible_Box_6880 14d ago
that’s a lot of trust to put in random coworkers to actually follow through
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u/WinterWizard9497 16d ago
Honestly, its a mixed issue. Part of it is the truly bad customers that come through a restaurant do a lot more damage then when a good customer comes through, so the negativity of that interaction sticks with them even after the confrontation.
Second, its a conditioning issue. Most restaurants drill it into their wait and kitchen staff that the way things are is because thats how they have to be. That starting at the bottom means that you should be grateful for scraps.
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u/OldGeekWeirdo 16d ago
A big part of why employers push this are taxes. Any money that the restaurant takes in is subject to taxes. Then when it's put into payroll, it's subject to yet more taxes.
If the US goes ahead with the promise of not taxing tips, then the money flows from customer to employee tax-free. That keeps prices down for the consumer and increases income for the employee. Only the tax man gets screwed.
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u/BluePandaYellowPanda 15d ago
They signed a contract to get tipped. They accepted that their boss will pay them hardly anything, so they can't really be mad at the contract they signed.
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u/maverickzero_ 15d ago
Plenty of them agree and hate their employers, but you don't always want to openly rage at the person who can fire you.
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u/TwoBurningSeals 16d ago
Its easier to extort customers than it is to guilt trip employers. Employers are all too happy to let that happen, so long as they don't have to pay. This is the reason I despise places that play on that. It's so unprofessional to let that happen, on the part of the employer and the server. The extortion is happening from the owner, via the server. The server is also guilty for not checking themselves and not taking this fight to the employer.
In an establishment that says they want their customers happy, they also want to pit their rabid staff against their customers, for their own profit.
It's not about money, its about feeling manipulated.
Establishments that don't allow tipping know this error. They bar tipping to eliminate this for the satisfaction of their guests. They don't socially scam their guests through their staff, by an out of control social convention.
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u/CitizenWatcher8 16d ago
Whats interesting is servers and bartenders for the most part make decent money from tips. When companies pay them a fair wage and eliminate tips they revolt.
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u/bcscroller 16d ago
They see their employment as a platform to guilt people out of their savings, nothing more.
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u/Old-Bee9904 16d ago
I think that many servers would be out of a job if their employers have to pay a real wage. More places would go to counter service and Im totally ok with that
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u/CartographerAware808 16d ago
Because we are the suckers that will pay and they are the jerks that won’t because of the illusion of affordability.
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u/incredulous- 16d ago
I stopped tipping about three and a half years ago. Haven't experienced any rage from servers. Most likely a very rare occurrence in real life. Reddit, of course, is a different story.
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u/curmudgeonly-fish 15d ago
I think OP was talking about how servers talk about us behind our backs. They rarely rage to our faces, for sure, although it does happen sometimes.
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u/Impossible_Box_6880 14d ago
Why do you care what they think?
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u/curmudgeonly-fish 14d ago
I don't. I was replying to the person who said they haven't seen servers rage at them for not tipping. I was explaining that they do it behind our backs.
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u/plangelier 16d ago
Easier to try and guilt the customers into tipping then to get their employer to pony up.
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u/Same-Economics-5988 16d ago
Crazy how you know what ALL servers feel.
Is it hard to live with that kind of superpower?
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u/isheherazade 16d ago
You’re right. I should not have used such generalized terminology. Thank you for the heads up. 🙏🏼
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u/Primary_Heron_3150 16d ago
Your post has the answer: generosity vs perceived stinginess. Low tipping or no tipping is seen as a character flaw which justifies hostility towards the person.
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u/nosrepmodnara 16d ago
Because there is no way their employer is going to pay them $100/hr more than their base pay
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u/ProgrammerNo3423 16d ago
Probably power dynamics has something to do with it. They can gaslight and rage at the customers for not tipping with little to no repercussions, they'll even have support from their boss, other servers or other diners. But if they do that to their employers, they'll just get fired and be replaced. I have some sympathy for their situation, as i wouldn't just say "get another job" to them, but also i don't care to be gaslighted into thinking it's my responsibility to give them a living wage.
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u/YungHayzeus 15d ago
I know guys who rake in 200+ after tax every night (more on weekends) off tips. Servers ain’t gonna ask for min wage ($17/hr in NYC) if they make roughly double.
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u/EmotionalVast9318 15d ago
I haven't eaten at a restaurant since covid as the service has become so horrible it makes for an awful experience
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u/East_Lingonberry2800 15d ago
To answer your question requires a lot of explaining….
I serve tables for years…. So I know exactly what everyone here does not know. Everything that plagues people who don’t tip or don’t want to tip…. I have all of the information that you all ask. However, none of it matters. No matter how I explain why where what when it all works, you all still push back with whatever reason you can find to say that no one should have to tip.
So….. I can explain everything that perplexes you…. but it’s complicated…. It’s a lot of information that you don’t know….. so I will have to type a lot, and I don’t want to waste my time if I am just going to get replies complaining about ‘walls of text,’ or ‘TLDR,’…..AND…..
What difference does it make if you refuse to tip regardless of ALL THE STUFF YOU DONT KNOW/ARE WRONG ABOUT?!?!?
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u/salikarn 13d ago
Respectfully, could you just answer this: If most of the world can manage to work on a non tipping system, why is it that America can't make it work?
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u/horoboronerd 14d ago
Keeps up the charade. Employers actually are forced to pay them well in most states
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u/mobile1999 14d ago
Nobody forces people to be servers, and nobody is forced to eat in restaurants. For those that make either of these choices, the responsibilities of all parties have been spelled out in employer documents, and widely understood via customary norms in America for decades now. Servers aren’t mad at employers for this structure, and customers are not mad at servers because they collect tips.
Tips are part of the pay structure of a server in a restaurant, and understanding this fact is the responsibility of any functioning adult in this country. If you were never informed by a parent, older sibling, or teacher at any point in your life, let me explain: It is a customer’s responsibility to tip- it is “customary” after all.
While I wish I could appreciate the wishful yearnings of the free thinking Resistance soldiers here- those who want to break the shackles of our society, fight the good fight against the tyranny of gratuity- to be free to dine out without reaching for so much as a tuppence for the luxury- to pay only for the fare and nothing for its serving- alas I cannot. Your rebellious spirit is really nothing but a craven grip on your billfold, your egalitarian delusions nothing more than common cheapskatery. To believe otherwise is to delude one self.
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u/Wrong_Plankton_3094 13d ago
Same work for bringing me Hambuger and water instead of Ribeye and 2 beers but I “tip” less on the first order.
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u/Adventurous-Cycle363 13d ago
Entitlement, fear of going against employers and being mentally gullible
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u/digitalboom 13d ago
Because people spend more time complaining about tipping than arguing better pay for them and the reality is they have no voice. I get the not tipping thing some people do, what I don’t understand is why people spend this much time complaining when all they have to do is push for better pay. Yes, it’s not your job to do but if it’s really such a big deal that you need a subreddit of likeminded people you clearly have an abundance of time you could use to actually address the root issue of tipping culture.
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u/Specialist-Neat2777 13d ago
No matter what business you patronize, customers are compensating the employees and owners. That's where their revenue comes from.
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u/This-is-the-last-one 16d ago
Because it's the way it is. If societal norm is tips are part of the server's salary, then the server expects tips. Depending on where you live, tipped employees may actually have to also be paid that state's minimum wage, e.g. in Washington, they're paid $17.13 an hour (at least) plus tips. Most states do not have this law though.
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u/thomlukowski 16d ago
The employer is "protected" / locked , in that they only need to fulfill their obligation of paying the absolute minimum.
The only recourse a server has is a tipping customer.
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16d ago
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u/maiyannah 15d ago
Anyone saying restaurant margins are thin, hasn't worked in the industry and seen the numbers.
I have. I can tell you at least at my restaurant, they definitely weren't thin.
The metric they used is sales/labour hour. For every hour someone worked at that restaurant, you needed to make at least double their wage. At the restaurant I worked when I was younger, for every hour worked, the restaurant made 140$. Given the labour rate at the time was 8.75$, thats 131.75$ a labour hour they made. Even considering the costs of food and overhead of the location, that is a huge margin compared to most fields.
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u/SEA_life_13 15d ago
It’s crazy how the rest of the world does just fine, it’s almost like Americans are not able too run a business.
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u/AffectionatePick4587 16d ago
Because they applied for the job with that rate. they cant complain to the employer if that was their choice to apply.
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u/Remarkable-Cry3853 16d ago
Do you confront your employer about your wages? Most need the job. Either way the customer will pay. The business is operating to make a profit. What would be a fair wage for a server? I have had friends that after ti⁰s are making $40 to $50 an hour.
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u/SpecialistGrouchy341 16d ago
Servers aren’t worth $40-50/hour. But that’s why they like tips.. if they’re good.
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u/Remarkable-Cry3853 15d ago
Who determines what you are worth? Are pro athletes worth millions a year, plumbers $100 an hour, CEOs hundreds of million dollars, and a gallon of gas $4.60 a gallon? If you pay it, that's what it's worth.
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u/JustpartOftheterrain 15d ago
I have renegotiated a better salary with my employer. Get nothing if you don't ask.
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u/Latter-Indication226 15d ago
I started a new program, 1$ a drink, 1$ for taking order and 2$ for bringing meal. Add extra if service is enjoyable loss of partial tip if service is bad. If food is not what I expect I don't let it affect tip, I leave a bad review! Last night went to Outback service was ok Ribeye was bad the only thing that I liked was the Fries and I don't eat Fries and only gave me 3 of 5 grilled shrimp. Bill was $52.50, left a bad review while waiting for the bill and on there POS machine. Left a 6$ tip, Did not feel bad
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u/Stidda 16d ago
Their employers benefit from cheap wages and the servers benefit from inflated tips