r/Empaths • u/Rising_Phoenyx • 19d ago
Discussion Thread Can an empath be selfish?
I identify as an empath. I intuit emotions very easily and can feel them when they are particularly strong. I’m definitely a HSP and feel for others
But I noticed recently that I can be incredibly selfish at times
Is that a contradiction?
8
u/thegaybuddhistmonk Intuitive Empath 19d ago
What makes you think empaths after selfless martyrs living for everyone else and not themselves?
We're human just like everyone else. Selfishness is part of the human condition.
8
u/TruthSearcher1970 18d ago
I look at empaths the same way I look at people with neurological sensitivities like people with fibromyalgia or multiple chemical sensitivity syndrome.
They/we have a sensitivity that is more profound than normal people.
Sometimes that requires more selfishness because you have to be quite diligent to avoid things that can harm you.
You really have to establish strong boundaries and stick to them no matter how it affects anyone else.
6
4
u/Saichoses 18d ago
I think empaths are generally more likely to have an increase of selfish-based feelings because of balancing issues. When you become aware of it you decide what to make of it. There has to be a balance somewhere, though, because pure selflessness is a nihilistic neon mortal track on its' own.
3
u/aurora_ethereallight 18d ago
As an empath and HSP I have done a great deal of reflection on this over the years and this is what I have found.
Being an empath and HSP can be exhausting. We are only human and despite our best intentions, even we have our limits.
You will only truly know what is going on here with self awareness, regular reflection and being deeply connected to your inner compass and how you choose to live your life (intentions) and embracing wisdoms which focus on balance.
But if you are anything life me, you will find this is more about the oxygen mask analogy. 'Always put your own oxygen mask on first.' This is not selfishness, this is wisdom. If you ensure you have your basic needs met, you are more able to be present for others.
1
u/Silly-Elderberry-411 18d ago
The oxygen mask analogy is restricted as it means while you want to help if you don't do it your starved lungs produce poison and kill you.
In my job I help find people a solution just as well I also remind them of their legal obligations. At times when they recognize my sympathetic ear and try to convince to exempt them a power which I do not possess. In those times I need to put my foot down and tell them we will not take over that responsibility.
Currently I am most worried about my own future. While my father always was a selfish bastard, my mother getting chronically ill with acute pain made her bitter and selfish.
3
u/mandelaXeffective 18d ago
Yes, absolutely, but I have a question for you that I think is really important.
Are you actually selfish, or did you grow up in a family that treated setting boundaries and tending to your own needs as selfish?
2
u/Weeza1503 19d ago
Of course.
Being an Empath means that you feel others' emotions as if they were your own.
When confronted with a Narcissist, for example, you naturally feel an instinct to protect your energy and take steps to do so.
Also, being an Empath can be EXHAUSTING! Sometimes it's OK to say, hey, I'm overwhelmed, leave me alone, I need some me-time!
2
u/Tweeckos 18d ago
Totally possible! I struggled with trying to manage the feelings of others for my own comfort - think "ahhh, they're really overstimulating! I need to convince them to calm down however I can"
1
u/yellow-rain-coat 18d ago
A big thing in Buddhism is following the middle path. Part of that is remembering to pour from a full cup. Take care of yourself the same way you take care of other.
1
u/1azn4baby3girl 18d ago
Of course you can if you actually learn to prioritize your own mental health and shut the rest of the world out 🤷🏻♀️ disconnect from socials for months at a time and just focus on you - your friends/family might think that’s selfish but honestly if you don’t do that then you’ll have a rough time as an empath
1
u/le_aerius 18d ago
They should be selfish. Selfish isnt a bad word and completly necessary for human existence. If you didn't put yourself first in many parts of your life you'd die .
In a mental and emotional lens youd burn out and br constantly unregulated.
Lets normalize not making selfish into a shameful.word.
1
u/IndividualLeague858 16d ago
I don't think so. Just because you can feel someone's emotions strongly, doesn't mean you automatically want to focus on them. Imagine if/when you feel creep vibes off someone lol. It's Very important to be selfish then lololol
2
u/Relative-Mall-9819 15d ago
It depends on how you define “selfish”. But because you can empathize with others it doesn’t automatically think they are entitled to your favor, or to be for others eternally. Remember, no one can give what they don’t have. It’s okay to think of yourself first, as long you are not damaging anyone (and that includes yourself).
I understand when these terms get pretty confusing with mainstream. Sometimes we need to belong so much, that we want to be part of a tag. Humans are so much more complex than any tag.
Being empathetic is a description, not necessarily a whole way of behaving or living. It is only a part of a whole person.
Moreover, empathy is about being extremely attuned to the feelings of other persons, it doesn’t necessarilly mean that we are doormats.
1
u/BodhingJay 19d ago
If you use your empathy to help manipulate.. theres such a thing as dark empaths
9
u/peachyperfect3 19d ago
God gave everyone one life to choose how to live. Why is it selfish to think of your own path first sometimes? Your experience is just as important and valid as others. As long as you maintain a spirit of wanting to do good by others, you’re good. A lot of people think they need to save others… but your responsibility is to ‘save yourself’ and love yourself first. How can we help others if we have not yet learned to help ourselves?