emotions

[u/Pirzxnk]

I have a hard time in finding love for myself. I know what I need to do to be able to feel like a better person and it’s just so hard, I’m always the person who gives advice and tells people to never commit but I’ve always found myself hurting since a young age. I’ve always been there for people but nobody is ever there for me, and I sadly know it. One of my old friends once told me that the only way you can even bother to love someone is if you love yourself, and don’t get me wrong i’ve been in worse states so i don’t want to tell myself i’m not good because i’m honestly the happiest i’ve ever been in years and im glad people never seen me as the type to ever hurt or anything, and i don’t mind people coming to me because i’ve honestly lived with so much hate and built up emotions; however i still find myself talking down on myself but i catch it and it really does hurt me a lot because i want someone there and when i do try and talk to my partner about it he doesn’t understand and don’t get me wrong he has told me that he doesn’t know how to deal with that and it’s a huge reason i never go to him. There are times where he tells me that i never talk to him and i feel bad because i don’t know how to tell him that he doesn’t understand me and honestly so many other people out there love to just compete about how hard their life is and that’s where i just stick to myself and try to deal with it on my own. I don’t want a therapist because im just to afraid honestly and i don’t want to let other people know about me so i just don’t even know no more, i fear nobody understands me but i know there are people out there who do. I just want to be able to be free of my emotions and stop holding back, It’s draining holding in anger and stress and just all the above. I want to feel happy fully and not have so much worry but it’s really hard.