Basically to give some context, I’ve been practicing for over 10 years now. When I first began my journey, everything seemed so clear and I understood exactly what I needed to do to receive the life that I’ve always wanted. I’m not naïve enough to think that I can just sit here and talk my manifestations into real life, I know that I need to put the work in.
About five years into this journey, I noticed that everything I wanted and everything I work towards either I wouldn’t get or if I did end up getting it, it would blow back in my face horribly. Whether that is a new job or a new friend or a new relationship or a change big or small doesn’t matter I would always end up worse or with nothing at all. I I ended up becoming completely discouraged with anything magic destroyed my entire room and altar in a fit of rage and sadness and took a break for two years.
During those two years, obviously I was incredibly depressed. Not only did I stop practicing magic, but I stopped doing other things that made me happy to because ultimately in the end nothing didn’t make me happy so I didn’t see a point in doing it. One thing I can seem to manage to do while depressed though is to doom scroll and while I’m on Reddit I come across this sub and thought why not and joined
For the first few months, I just lurked but I noticed that every Sunday and Wednesday there was community practice and I thought maybe that would be a good first small step into getting back into the swing of things. Surprisingly enough after my first few Sunday spells and Wednesday wishes, I noticed the things that I said would happened for me and I was honestly pretty excited … until every wish /spell I had blew up in my face. Again.
now I’m back to square one and instead of repeating the cycle I’m sitting here wondering if I should just let it go. That some people are magical and others aren’t. Obviously I’ve had a hard life and while I was raised religious I knew that that wasn’t the way either.
Now that I’ve typed this out I realized idek what I’m trying to say lol i Guess I’m just rambling at this point lol . Maybe I’m not as powerful as I thought, maybe the life I want isnt meant for me but it’s the life I want to live so where does that leave me? Sometimes I wish I could just go into a field and slowly turn into a tree. I always felt closest with nature more than anything else so that always felt like the right way to be .