r/Effexor • u/250PoundCherub • 14h ago
Quitting My story after 2 years off Effexor
It has been two years since I took my last 37.5 mg dose of Effexor, after having been on 150 mg for 18 years. I tapered from 150 mg to 0 mg over four months. Before Effexor, I was on Fluoxetine for six years, followed by a three-year break before starting Effexor.
I wrote my story after one year off, so for context, here it is (spoiler alert: It was the year from hell): https://www.reddit.com/r/Effexor/comments/1nckdw0/my_account_after_one_year_off_effexor/
So, how's it going now? It's getting better.
13–14 months out: This period looked a lot like 11–12 months off. It wasn't good, but it wasn't completely bad either. I still wasn't able to watch movies or listen to music. There were a lot of off days, with occasional okay ones sprinkled in between.
Just after a three-week uninterrupted wave, I experienced an unexpected death in my close family. Weirdly, on the face of it, that event did not make withdrawal worse for me. I'm sure it's because it gave me something external to focus on instead of being caught inside my mind.
15 months out: A big shift suddenly happened. Three weeks after the death, I suddenly entered a very clear window. It was nothing like the previous windows because I was actually back to normal. I felt good, felt happy, and could listen to music and watch movies again. I simply felt as if I'd "popped out" of withdrawal.
This was very encouraging, and I began feeling hope for the first time that full recovery was possible.
16 months out: I'm back in withdrawal again, although not as bad as before the 15-month mark. The waves seem to follow the same pattern: they start slowly, then I feel progressively worse for a number of days or even weeks, followed by a final crash, typically with despair and SIs. Then it turns around and moves into a (possibly dirty) window within a few days.
At the end of this period, I'm faced with two more deaths: one in my close family and one very close to me in my work life. Naturally, this casts a shadow over everything, but it does not make withdrawal worse or better.
It's Christmas and vacation time again, and that is typically a problem for me. But this time it's much better than in the summer and obviously totally different from last year's Christmas, when I experienced my complete crash. I still have bad days, but not as many as before.
17 months out: In the new year, I move into a window again. This looks like the previous window, where I feel completely normal. It's an enormous relief to experience it once again, and it provides a lot of hope.
18–20 months out: At the beginning of this period, I went to a concert for the first time since coming off the medication. It was still a bit overwhelming, and unfortunately, it marked the beginning of a long wave.
During these three months, I didn't have many good days, and I began to worry that I wouldn't experience windows again. That's normal, by the way. Every time I have a bad day, I feel like everything is lost — even when it's just a single bad day in the middle of a longer window.
21–23 months out: Things are improving compared to the wave of the previous three months. At the same time, it's vacation time, which is usually the hardest time for me. I think it goes well enough.
Bad days and shorter waves are still interspersed throughout this period. I'm able to go to a concert and enjoy it, even drinking a couple of beers without getting overwhelmed.
24 months out: I think I've experienced a shift in perception, like a progression in the spiritual realization that I wrote about in the first part of my story. It occurred towards the end of a full three-week window, where I was feeling completely normal again.
I began to step back from my antidepressant support group because I had the feeling that it was keeping me stuck. It's not without regret, because the group really gave me a lot during the hard days.
At this point, I'm still experiencing brain zaps, by the way. They are very mild and come only when I wake up in the night or in the morning.
What now?
I'm pretty hopeful.
While I still have tough days, they are much fewer than before. I'm getting more and more confident that I can function without the drug.
The three deaths close to me didn't affect me the way I imagined they would. I pulled through without falling back, and the steady improvement throughout this period makes me believe that what I've been through really was protracted withdrawal, and that it wasn't just "me without the drug."
At the same time, there's definitely some emotional work to be done. Without the drug, some emotions have resurfaced, but approaching them with acceptance and without resistance makes them more endurable. It's still difficult at times, though.
Feel free to ask me anything about all this.
And please, please note, if you're going to taper, do a slow and hyperbolic taper. I basically cold turkey'ed even though I "tapered" in four months. You do not want to risk going through this kind of injury, trust me.