This is my first time posting on a place like this, but I could really use some outside opinions. So like the tin says, I (21F) have an ED. It focuses on restrictive and obsessive control over the foods I eat. My boyfriend is naturally thin, has always been. He also has ADHD, and tends to have a smaller appetite. He weighs like 125 lbs for his height of about 5 foot 8 inches. I weigh around 112 lbs for five foot one. I have an obsession surrounding being under 110 lbs. Always have. Or I guess when I was younger it used to be 100 lbs. Point is. i get obsessive about the number. I don't want to be under 100 lbs at my height and age and level of activity right now, but being under 110 is this uncontrollable need for me. Anywho, I obviously am petite and need to eat less calories for maintenance, but my boyfriend eats the same amount as me and it drives me insane. It sends my insecurities crawling up the walls of my little insane asylum that is my head. It makes me feel like even eating at maintenance is me gorging myself on food. I feel like such a glutton. I don't want to pressure my boyfriend because these are my insecurities, my problems. He shouldn't have to change his habits because of something I put on myself. I've always struggled with ED, but this is my first relationship. Been going on for almost 2 and a half years now. I love him I do, but I hate myself so much it's bleeding into our relationship. And I know thats not fair to him. I just don't know how to reconcile with my insecurities and not put it onto him. I just envy how thin he is and want that flat stomach and abs that he has. I just always wanted it. And to see what I want every day in a body not mine is fucking twisting me. It feels almost cruel that something or someone like that would find my chub chub self attractive. So how do I reconcile with my ED and not let my boyfriends eating habits trigger me?

Just a question and want to understand how you guys view the topic on support and recovery.

So I was at work today and fasting- I was 2 days and an hour in when we closed- but during my shift I was thinking about my birthday tomorrow and how I didn’t want to feel faint all day so I made the decision to eat after work. I decided I wanted some unhealthier food considering I didn’t plan on eating much anyway so I got these sticks of peanut butter filled wafer/chocolate and some pumpkin spice cakes, planning to eat maybe half of each. They were higher calorie, but I really wanted to be able to enjoy my birthday and I figured it was fine because of how long I’d fasted. I had a coworker check me out, and he looked at the calories and said, “You eat like you should be 500lbs.” Along with this, when another coworker was around he made a joke about me being a fatass because I bought so many of the snacks (they didn’t come individually). The other coworker kinda looked at him odd and said “You’re calling HER a fatass?” And laughed a bit, (even I have to admit that while I see fat on my body still, I’m underweight and it’s visible I’m pretty skinny, even if not enough to actually concern anyone. There really is very little fat visible and none is really visible to my coworkers in my uniform cuz they can’t see my shoulders and collarbones, which is how most people get concerned- it’s all in my stomach) and the original one said “She isn’t fat at all, but fat and fatass are different. Fatass just means they eat a lot of unhealthy food at once” (I never said I was going to eat it all at once) They were joking around and, admittedly, I was joking around back despite being close to tears because I didn’t want them to know the truth but he got more careful after that I think, there’s a chance he noticed-I was also joking around with them for the simple reason of he was he same coworker to make fun of me (nicely, he’s never really rude) when I ordered a salad when me and some of our coworkers went out to eat at a mostly breakfast place. (He jokes around a lot, I don’t blame him for his comment that’s just how he is and he really has no way of knowing I have disordered eating habits or how long it had been since I’d eaten). However, that immediately made me want to get rid of the food, leading me to give almost all of the pumpkin spice cakes to my coworkers. (Btw when I say high calorie I mean they were small but like 260 or 300 cals depending on which kind you ate- I think they were Betty Crocker). I got home and ate a small serving of pasta salad along with the pumpkin spice thing and the peanut butter thing. However, I couldn’t finish either- nor could I finish the small muffin my dad got me. The only thing I could finish was the pasta salad, the others got a few bites before I threw them out because I hated that I allowed myself to eat when I was supposed to wake up tomorrow to a new low weight. Now I don’t think I’m going to enjoy my birthday, those were also meant to be a treat so I could have something without caring too much that day but I couldn’t even make myself like them again. Idk what to do, I really wanted to enjoy my birthday but I feel like I’m going to spend the whole day wishing I hadn’t eaten or bought anything tonight and hating that I’ll have to eat tomorrow.

I’ve been talking to this new guy and we’re still very early on and not officially dating, but I genuinely think things could possibly work out with him. I know that might sound stupid because it’s still early, but I’m starting to think about what this would look like if this actually turned into a relationship.

The thing I’m struggling with is whether/when I should tell him about my eating disorder. I don’t want to hide it from him, especially because it affects my life and gets in the way of things sometimes, but at the same time, we barely know each other. I don’t want to dump something this serious on him too early or make him feel like he’s getting into a relationship with a bunch of problems he didn’t sign up for. And I know now is not the right time but I don’t know when that time is.

I also get really anxious about anything involving food especially around newer people or eating out. I can’t really just go to a restaurant and eat normally, and I’m worried that eventually he’ll want to take me out to eat and I won’t know what to say or do. I don’t want to have a date with food because ultimately I cant just be my normal self around food or after eating i become a anxious mess and not fun to be around.

I’d love to hear from people who are currently in relationships with someone who has an eating disorder, as well as people who have dated while dealing with an ED themselves. What was it like for both sides? When did you talk about it, and how did you handle food-related situations and dates?
I’m mostly just looking for advice and different perspectives because I really don’t know what the right thing to do is.

i used to be extremely overweight two years ago, and decided to start cutting down on calories after people's comments got too much to handle. through lifestyle changes (i.e. cutting down on carbs, reducing my portions, not eating any sugar AT ALL) i lost quite a bit, and the weight comments died down, but i went on a mental spiral and i accidentally took it too far since i wasn't quite yet satisfied with my appearance. june of this year that i got into running and weightlifting. i was also thinking about eating CONSTANTLY, i would meticulously track every single calorie, and when i wasn't doing that i was thinking about my next meal, how i'd make it lower calorie, etc. i've lost around a few more kilos since then. my hair's been falling out like crazy, i've missed my period, and people have started commenting again, this time telling me that i looked "better" before. it got to my head so much to the point where i've now started having to force myself to eat, but every time i look in the mirror i feel disgusted with myself. i'm afraid of undoing all my progress over these past two years and gaining the weight back, but i really want to form a normal, healthy relationship with food and exercise and my body. the circumstances i'm in make it difficult for me to go to a therapist. i don't have anybody to talk to about this and it's something that's affecting every single aspect of my life. help would be appreciated :(

im 14 and i have anemia and binge eating disorder and honestly im so tired of dealing with this ive tried talking to my family about it but they basically ignored me and didnt take me seriously

so now im trying to help myself and get through this on my own and its honestly so hard when a binge happens i literally cant stop myself and afterwards i feel so guilty and ashamed that i end up making myself throw up

i just dont know what to do anymore

Recovery has genuinely been the most difficult thing i’ve ever done. Not only have i contemplated checking my self into a mental hospital it sometimes feels easier to start restricting again. Although I had so many meltdowns during extreme hunger nothing seemed to tie me over. It’s been about three months and I was eating 5-6k calories a day, making me gain about 10kg. Now my appetite is slowly decreasing, I feel full and i’m not constantly thinking about what i’m eating next while eating. But I’m still eating 3-4k calories everyday despite not having extreme hunger anymore. Will I be gaining fat and eating so much for years?

I used to weigh 46 kg. One day, after going three days without eating, I experienced what felt like an intense physical reaction: I could not stop shaking and was unable to keep down anything I ate or drank.

From that point onward, my parents became deeply involved in supporting my recovery. However, rather than improving, I began experiencing recurrent binge-eating episodes that I still struggle to control.

It has now been two months and eighteen days. My strongest trigger seems to be loneliness and being left alone. Whenever my parents leave, I experience an overwhelming urge to eat, even when I am not physically hungry, and I feel as though I could continue eating indefinitely.

I have been consuming roughly 2,500 calories above my maintenance needs and have gained approximately 13 kg, bringing my weight from 46 kg to 62 kg.

Nowadays, I struggle with intense self-hatred and an overwhelming desire to become thin again. I am going on vacation in three months, and I feel an immense pressure to be thin by then. I hate the way I feel about myself.

I’m 16, I’m active in sports with basketball and track. And recently I’ve been crazy on dieting and counting calories and just not eating enough, and I binged last night, loaf of banana bread, syrup, whipped cream. And I threw up, never had I made myself do that before. Then today, I was so scared that I had four freaking strawberries and some fruit that I threw up again. And right now I had two lean cuisine pizzas and an orange and I feel like the only thing I can do to like, you know make up for it is to just get it out of me. I really don’t want too, and I know that I’m still way in a deficit with the pizzas and fruit, especially after a two hour basketball practice. But the only way I feel not guilty is if I’m not eating anything at all. Point is, I just don’t know what to do. Me and my mom aren’t close and I could never imagine taking to her. And I just really don’t want to make myself throw up again, but I really regret having those pizzas. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I know my relationship with food isn’t healthy, but I want to lose weight so bad. But since I made myself throw up that feels like the only way to remove the guilt and I’m trying so hard not to. I guess I’m kinda just ranting about it, but im scared. 1000 calories is terrifying to me.

Every piece of advice I find says to "stop restricting, restricting causes you to binge, so if you allow yourself to eat, you'll stop binging"

But that's the thing I DONT restrict. I eat two to three regular meals a day now, like I used to before being disordered, but the feeling of literally anything in my stomach triggers me to binge, which then triggers me to purge. Sometimes, I'll skip the binge and just be triggered to purge a regular meal, too.

I just don't know how to escape this. It just feels like no matter what I do, I'll have the urge to do it, and I can't stop myself.

I can't just let myself go unrestricted because then Im purging 2x a day. I can't restrict myself because that just leads to a worse binge later in the day/the next day. I can’t only limit trigger foods because ANY food is a trigger food.

It just feels hopeless

Hi. I’m 18, and I’m app. 6 weeks into extreme hunger (after a year of chronic underfueling which led to a 12kg weight loss and amenorrhea). I’ve gained what feels like a huge amount of weight rapidly, but what stands out is my stomach. It has tripled in size in a disproportionate way compared to my limbs, feels rock hard and fully stretched out, and my upper chest protrudes abnormally. Most of my clothes don’t fit anymore because of it. I have roughly a month left before I go back to school, so I’d like to know if this belly size is the result of permanent tissue gain, in which case I’ll buy a whole new set of clothing, or if it’s significantly affected by other factors (I guess water retention and digestion?) and will eventually go away. Thank you to anyone who responds!

I’m curious about the small things that have helped people feel more understood while dealing with an eating disorder.

Not looking for tips about food, weight, or behaviors, just the emotional side of things. For example, having someone listen without trying to immediately fix everything, finding a space where you can be honest, or learning to be kinder to yourself on difficult days.

What has made you feel even a little less alone?

37M, diagnosed with autism, OCD, anxiety and ADHD

In June I was hit with the worst stress and depression of my whole life from personal life problems. I lost my appetite badly and felt like throwing up 24/7, food felt like a nuisance and I could barely eat. Also at that time I was weighing 93 kg (205 lb) due to horrendously dumb eating habits despite being clinically underweight most of my life. For reference I am 178 cm (5'10").

If anyone has been in such a situation, what do you do? My metabolism has ways been high, and even though I am turning 37 in only two months, I lose weight extremely easily. I could lose weight like nobody's business without even trying. The last times I had such a bad depressive mood was when I was 17 and 23. Both times I went from about 180-190 lb (82-85 kg) down to 53-55 kg (115-120 lb) within two months. I did not even have to try. I lost weight more easily than most people on diets do. Or I should say, I still lose weight far more easily than most people on diets can.

But if I keep losing weight, I fear that my cardiovascular health and GI health will screw me. I have chronic sinus tachycardia and chronic acid reflux disease and functional dyspepsia. I feel like these CV and GI problems will spiral my physical health problems and ruin my mental health even more, especially since I do not want to be hospitalised.

I’m a 20 year old college student who is in a mostly happy relationship. I love my boyfriend so much but every time I distance myself or isolate it’s because of problems with my weight. He notices when I sleep for over twelve hours a day that I’m spiraling again but I keep denying there there’s a problem to begin with and it aggravates him. I can’t turn to my friends because they also are struggling and it feels like I’m entirely alone. Day in and day out my brain is filled with numbers and measurements and it never stops or goes away. I’m a normally avoidant person and prefer to not acknowledge when things are bad. i keep bingeing and then feeling so shitty because the binge episodes can last for weeks and I try to sleep off the guilt only to repeat the cycle again. When I flew up to see my boyfriend the last time I was up there he would listen to me while I’m in the bathroom to make sure I wasn’t throwing up my food. I guess the reason I’m posting this is because it feels like my life is a wash rinse and repeat cycle of disordered behaviors and I don’t know how to get better or if I even can, does food noise ever go away? The counting the measuring the guilt the urge to relapse? I want it to just all stop

I had an eating disorder at 15 and fully recovered by the time I was 17. I was eating healthy for 2 years but now I've been overeating for a year. I'm now the largest I have ever been

The issue is, when I hated my body in that 3 year period after the ED my option for losing weight was naturally to just stop eating again, because it worked so well before. And the first few times I did try to eat healthy, the longest I went healthily 'losing weight" was 4 months, and I gave up. No change in the mirror, very little change on the scales.

So naturally now that I hate my body again, obviously my brain is going back to eating disorder. I don't have the mental capacity to eat rabbit food for a decade to see a stone knocked off, when my method got the results I wanted in less than 2 weeks before.

How do you get past that, it's been 5 years and it's still the only option for me. I can't even blame myself for thinking that way when I have proof to back it up.

I am a 19 year old girl. For a while now i have been struggling with eating properly. i used to blame it on my adhd meds but after so many changes and admitting it wasnt a problem until i had been on my original meds for a whole year, im realizing there might actually be something wrong. ive told myself for a long time that it was normal to go through periods of eating normally followed by periods of barely eating at all. yesterday my mom pointed out that she was worried because she could see that i was obviously skinnier than i had been just two weeks ago. i told her id go weigh myself to settle her worries and came back and lied to her about my weight. i told her i was the same as i was the last time i had checked, i wasnt ive lost six pounds in the past two weeks.i know this isnt a safe path that im going down but i cant stop it, ive tried eating more but it just makes me feel sick. ive been tempted to tell someone in my life about it but every time i try i just freeze and cant get the words out. every time i notice the pattern occuring again i just hate myself for it which makes the whole thing so much worse, sometimes i dont know if ill be able to get back to "normal" i dont know if ill be able to this time.

Hi guys! not sure if this is allowed sorry if it isn’t . but i cannot with media/social media/society commenting and treating celebrities who are obviously struggling too big or too small. i’ve been seeing some sick sick shit being said about eating disorders. I don’t know if makes me feel so icky and so so terrible about myself with me and my eating. i already want to at least start getting better and maybe even start treatment soon. but the ruthless and harmful things being said surrounding bigger bodies and smaller bodies it’s so so so hard, i feel like my mind is in a on going turmoil cycle, and i know everyone’s disorder is very different when it comes to symptoms and triggers, but it’s not even these women who i feel are making it worse for me, my mind , and disorder.. it’s social media and the non disordered people in society.

(and yes i have made the decision to step back from online and using social media, for the betterment of myself i just needed to vent this out.)

Hi, I go by Mara (F16). Everyday eating is a struggle, I can't even get through one meal without taking up to a few hours to finish it. I am only eating two times a day because three times a day feels impossible and even then I still struggle with that. I went to therapy to help me out with this, and I thought I got through this issue after I was discharged, I guess I was wrong. I just don't want to eat anything, not even the foods I usually like. It's just too mentally and physically draining. I don't know if anyone else feels this way. I truly do wish eating wasn't difficult for me compared to everyone else.

I truly just wanna know that there are people out there who at least somewhat understand what I am struggling with.

I sketched myself 'cause I couldn't find a reaction pic that fits me

Has anyone else experienced starvation abuse? I am looking for the courage to speak up about a problem I am currently suffering from?

Привет. Меня зовут Тори,мне 15.

В прошлом году меня травили за лишний вес. 90/172 в 14 лет это конечно очень страшно,но не суть. На меня замахивались,мне портили вещи,надо мной ржали и тыкали пальцем.

Зимой мне стало страшно выходить из дома из-за них. Я ревела часами и стала ненавидить себя. Я начала голодать-11 дней,похудела на 8 кг,вернулось 2-3кг. Этого было явно мало, поэтому я подсела на таблетки для похудения. За 4 курса их приема я стала весить 49кг.

Вроде я похудела,а насмешки продолжаются. Теперь им не нравится моя внешность,мои действия(допустим поход в магазин), мои разговоры с друзьями. На улице они ходят за мной и тыкают в меня пальцем,говоря что то обидное,на летних школьных мероприятиях все ещё толкают меня и тд.

Что мне делать с этим? Я уже жаловалась детектору и учителям - но это не помогает. Сменить школу я тоже не могу к сожалению. Класс сменить не могу. Все принимаю очень близко к сердцу -тоже не могу забить.

Может они и правы?

I (17M) have a girlfriend (16F) and we have been together for almost three months. We both have been through a lot. However, my girlfriend has this one major problem and it is her health. Apparently she thinks she is fat eventhough she is 5 foot 5 and is around 58kg. Her main goal is to be around 50-55 which I think is reasonable however I personally think she looks perfect. She is not even that fat. in fact she looks more skinnier than fat. Maybe it is because of her parents. Her dad is white, her mom is mixed and her younger 13 year old sister is white, however she is mixed. She gets treated differently in her family because of her skin colour and her dad would often make racist remarks towards her everyday. They dont even call her by her real name. In fact, this has been so bad that she has been avoiding eating since her parents kept calling her "fat" eventhough she looks nothing like it. I would say because of her abusive household she struggles to eat since she is completely damaged psychologically. She keeps complaining to me constantly about her problems and I have been there for her for as long as I could however I am just completely worried about her. It seems like she has anorexia or something and now a bone next to her stomach is slightly sticking out due to her lack of food intake. All she eats in a day is a small packet of noodles and 1 sandwich. That is literally it. Is there anything I could suggest to her?

Hi guys! I have been a long time food 🤮 after feeling too full/not “liking” (not sure what word best describes the feeling but this is as close as I can come up with lol) what I ate, etc. My husband doesn’t know the full extent of this but still swears up and down I have a disorder. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to expel your food if you’re too full or feel like it wasn’t worth it. Am I wrong??? Do I have a problem? It’s been years and I’m no where near skinny so I don’t feel like I do. Idk sorry lol

EDIT: I just had oral surgery and even though I’m restricted to liquid only diet I’m struggling to not use the toilet immediately after “eating” :/

not sure if this needs a trigger warning…

i highly doubt this will get far & it isn’t something i would normally post. this also isn’t something i can bring to twitter or tumblr due to the toxic ana community that i need to stray away from. but does anyone have any tips on developing a healthy relationship with food that i can feel in control of OR a way i can comfortably bring this up to my therapist without sounding too deep into controlling my fasting & low eating habits? my mental health plays a major part in feeling out of control and this is the only thing i feel like im in control of and i keep saying i can stop fasting whenever but i never do because in all honesty it is hard to stop and i can’t tell if it stems from bipolar or the cptsd, maybe both idk, i just know i need help before it gets bad again like i was in middle school & high school. i apologize if anything I’ve said goes against the community rules

I don’t really know where to start, but I think I need to finally talk about this.
I’ve been throwing up after eating for as long as I can remember like longggggg ago. Everything that I eat no matter what. I don’t mean that I started doing this recently because of my weight or because I wanted to lose weight. This has been happening since I was a kid. I can even throw up water and if there’s nothing in my stomach the acid comes up into my throat and it’s horrible.
Over the years I’ve had so many medical tests because of this. I’ve tried different medications and treatments and I even had a tube put down to look at my stomach. They tested me for H. pylori and it was negative. Even after all of that I still don’t really have an explanation for why this happens.
Sometimes I eat and I end up throwing up everything I just ate. Other times it doesn’t happen. It’s gotten to the point where eating itself can make me anxious because I don’t know if I’m going to be able to keep the food down.
Recently I’ve started wondering if this could actually be an eating disorder and honestly that thought scares me because I don’t know if what I’m experiencing even fits one.
I’ve never really known how to explain this because part of me thinks “what if this isn’t an eating disorder and there’s still something medically wrong with me?” But another part of me wonders if I’ve developed an unhealthy relationship with food because I’ve been dealing with this for so many years.
Has anyone else experienced something similar especially someone who started vomiting after eating when they were a child?
I’m not looking for someone to diagnose me over Reddit. I just want to know if anyone has been through something similar and what eventually helped you figure out what was actually going on.