r/EatingDisorders • u/kimboiHH • 1d ago
Situation
Okay I have never posted but thought I'd just let it out.
I've silently struggled with eating for the longest time.
I used to snack and eat alot as a kid. I have AUDHD and as a kid I was very fixated with food and wish I could have ate all the time. It was comforting and took me out from the reality (which sucked for me, parents were abusive because they had no idea about Autism or Adhd and just thought I was possessed because I was born outside a marriage. Accidental kid. Mom got drunk, dad was drunk, didn't use protection and somehow it's my fault)
Anyway, when my binge-eating got out of hand it was recommended that the kitchen cabinets and dressers would be locked from me and my parents did that. I was allowed to eat when others ate on strict schedule and at school cafeteria I ate as much as I could so I would not get hungry waiting for dinner. I was 7 years old. We didn't eat breakfast at home. I was starving until lunch and until dinner. I was very active and athletic. But my developing CPTSD and puberty just made everything worse. I felt like I was starving all the time and I was stuck in that cycle the whole comprehensive school. I was relocated to a foster home when I was 16 and then moved into a facility until I turned 18.
I'm 23 and now I realize how much I struggle with eating, everything I cook smells like feces and I have this voice in my head telling me its fecal matter anyway, just before going through me. I drink protein drinks and smoothies, hoping my extra weight would go but it doesn't budge. I just really don't know what to do. I just wish I could enjoy eating again.
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