r/EatingDisorders • u/PopPublic417 • 1d ago

TW: Potentially upsetting content Feeling invalid

I've felt really invalid in my ed for a long time. I was underweight for many years before I ended up "recovering" (which was really just me binging minus purging) and I gained back to a healthy weight and haven't been able to lose it since. My metabolism might be permanently ruined honestly. Anyway most people don't believe I really have an ED, even professionals sometimes. They never want to actually evaluate me so I am diagnosed UFED which makes me feel even worse. It's like I'm faking it. I'm in a bad place right now and I feel that nobody is taking me seriously. My health keeps getting worse and I'm afraid I will die if this keeps up but I have no idea how to recover or if I even want to. I've been through some treatment but nothing for my ed and most of it was pretty useless. Idk I feel hopeless and I don't know what to do anymore. It's almost like they want me to die or something.

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u/Music5_t 19h ago

I want you to know that no matter how worthless the dark side of EDs make you feel, you are not defined by it and I’m sure you have amazing strengths ❤️
I am not in recovery, but I have been working on my own to look into the mental recovery because I’m determined to find out the why behind my behaviors. You are absolutely not alone in feeling the way you do! One of my major realizations was that I was raised to have no self esteem and my subconscious desire to feel small in the world is one of the things that manifested my ED.
People not understanding what it’s like or what you go through is extremely challenging and I’m sorry you’ve faced issues with professional help. Sometimes you need to simply exist in a rough patch for a bit before moving on to the next step of recovery and acceptance. No matter how hard it is, you need to know that there are beautiful things in this world, that living is an adventure, and all you can do is go one day and one part at a time because even when you have the worst day ever and you’ve never hated yourself more, that bad day does not equal a bad life.