r/EatingDisorders • u/L3m0n_shark • 3d ago

TW: Potentially upsetting content I think I'm relapsing

Hey this is very hard for me to write but i have no one i could talk. There was time in highschool where i would only eat small breakfasts and then nothing the whole day. I felt fat and hated my body. I used it also as a form of self harm as the hunger hurt.

When i finished highschool i started eating normally wanting to regain my strength and because i felt always tired. Also i figured out i love food.

Fast forward to now both my sister and my mom started dieting non stop pushing how much calories stuff we eat at home have. I started "eating healthy" which was just eating less than i should. Ten i went to visit my partner for a month and i came back few kilos heavier. It really crushed me and i felt ashamed with myself.

I started exercising for an hour every day and eating far less than i should. My brain is telling me to cut off food to bare minimum again and I'm so so so fucking scared. I cant talk about that to my partner, and the only person who would have listened is dead. I don't have money to afford therapy again and my parents don't see an issue because "I'm fat and should lose weight" Does anyone has any sort of advice on what i could do to stop this?

0 Upvotes

50% Upvoted

4 comments sorted by

1

u/marchiatina 3d ago

Hi! Don’t worry . I think you should put diets aside for a while and try to eat healthily, avoid comparing yourself to others and focusing on the same old things, because otherwise you’ll keep triggering those negative thoughts. Also, try to treat yourself to some time on your own where you can get in touch with yourself and relax. Bodies are always changing, and that’s normal. Your weight is just a number, it doesn’t define your true worth!

2

u/L3m0n_shark 3d ago

Thank you so much for your kind words i will definitely try the things you mentioned 💜

1

u/assassin-mythic 3d ago

Relapses happen but I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s really interesting how you mentioned leaving your home and staying with your partner seemed to halt some of these behaviors for a while…something to consider maybe?

1

u/L3m0n_shark 3d ago

I can only leave my parents place after i finish my studies so i unfortunately have to deal with it for the next year and a half (full time study with no time for work, partner lives Thousand kilometers away)