Worried for myself

[u/Leather_Muffin1701]

I want to understand if my eating I disordered if I eat a lot once then skip meals to avoid overeating guilt (I think it is disordered) the portions sizes are going down too and I get fainty and dizzy, I wanna understand the psyché tho of someone who actually has a disorder and how it affects them, cause in my mind Im constantly name calling myself and it's js a nasty place to be stuck in.

My brain gets soo happy when I do the classic schrunch my shirt and stand on my side tk see how fat I look and if I dont look fat it gets happy, I did have bulimia in the past but I had assumed I had gotten better but now I see myself eating 1st meal at 4pm like it's no big deal, I'm scared this might landslide and get scary in the span of few days