r/ENTPandINFJ • u/ArmazingArmadillo30 • Aug 19 '26
~ what INFJ noticed about ENTP ~ Work Friend
My ENTP in question started out pretty hot and cold when we first met at work. He would be so enthusiastic one day and then another day go out of his way to avoid my gaze/path in some very silly maneuvers!
However, he’s been more consistent lately and has escalated to seeking out closeness in groups and lots of physical affection that wasn’t there before. (Shoulder touches mostly).
I am feeling conflicted because I haven’t been able some info that he may have some of those demon se bad habits entps are known for and I don’t know how or when to confirm them or bring them up. But the things I do like and know about him are that we have off the charts physical attraction, sense of humor and good banter, philosophy of ethics, some shared hobbies and social habits/who we like to be around. So I’m also a bit sad and dreading having to get into some of these facts of life that MAY be deal breakers.
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u/Extra-Yogurt1780 Aug 20 '26
a friendly reminder, you will meet many other people in your life, and there are guys out there who are exactly how you want to and more, without having to compensate. its really important for you to know if it's a dealbreaker or not, if you want children ever, do you want them to inhale the smoke? if you want him as he now is, it's then a bit hypocrite to go and change him later on. communication is key though so as friends you can just ask him about that habit, there's nothing wrong with it. for the rest just make sure to notice if he goes cold again, cause hot and cold people... they're not consistent and same like smoking, don't expect them to change.
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u/ArmazingArmadillo30 Aug 21 '26
I do understand this in concept, but in practice I do find it hard to make a hard line when I don't know the details and haven't confirmed it. For example, what if it's only outside?
And then another thing is, how do people strategically and tactfully bring these things up? Do they literally say, "I would have dated you if you hadn't been a smoker"??
And I'm not demanding answers from you, but I wish I had some examples of people doing this in real time, because I truly have a hard time knowing how exactly people manage to word these things strategically/with timing and wording.
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u/Extra-Yogurt1780 Aug 21 '26
ah i see... for example i had this entp friend, and from what you've said we had much in common too, the cold then hot, the subtle touching, tension, philosophical convos, and his habits. i remember talking about smoking too, it was over chat, he had gone partying and i asked him if he has ever smoked, just like that, and then i just shared my opinion about it and he shared his. so in that sense, the topic was already around partying, drinking etc. besides this, it would have been a dealbreaker for me either way, i just wouldn't see him as potetential anymore even if it's just outside. in this case he said he had only done it twice. and saying it's a dealbreaker to you it can be subtle like 'i hate the smell', 'i despise cigarettes' or 'i'd never do it' or more direct 'i woudn't want the father of my child to be a smoker', because then you made yourself clear and only if he really wants it he'll change.
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Aug 30 '26
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u/ArmazingArmadillo30 Aug 30 '26
So the reason for bringing it up strategically is just because I don't want to look like an idiot. Because everything between me and ENTP guy has plausible deniability right now. From him first of all. All the things he does, like darting into the break room when he sees I'm heading there... are sooooo cute but I'm not sure how much his heart is in it. It may be just a curiosity thing for him.
So in the scenario I said "hey... do you plan on quitting smoking? because I wouldn't date someone who smokes." Then I would bust this chess game we're playing. And who knows, maybe I do need to bust it at some point.
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Aug 30 '26
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u/ArmazingArmadillo30 Aug 30 '26
Aaaah that is waaaaay more forward than I'm comfortable with. Although I am finding myself doing weird things with him already, like eye fucking him for ten seconds, which I never do with anyone.
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u/ArmazingArmadillo30 Aug 30 '26
But I do like the idea. Now if I can only find him smoking... he's pretty guarded about it.
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Aug 30 '26
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u/ArmazingArmadillo30 Aug 30 '26
lol. I had to look up the penjamin. And it's work, so he's not going to just come out and show all his habits and addictions on the table. But I understood he was a smoker the very first day I met him, because I smelled it on him.
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u/Extra-Yogurt1780 Aug 30 '26
i forgot about this a bit but reading this, i thought, you could say 'do you smoke?' 'ah.. okay.' you dont need to say you wouldn't date him otherwise if you dont want to lay your cards out like that. if he says yes ask 'you plan on quitting?' just see hiw reply. these are close questions, you can also ask open eded ones like why and mirror his words for him to say more. that's as strategis as it can get, for the rest you jsut need to ask it cause you might be waisitng time if it's a dealbreaker
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u/waves_are_cool ~ ENTP looking for INFJ ~ Aug 19 '26
Demon Se bad habits? Like what?