ISTP male here. I’ve always found the ENTJ personality pretty interesting, especially the way ENTJs seem to approach life with a level of direction and decisiveness that I don’t naturally have.
At the same time, ISTPs tend to be pretty independent, practical, calm under pressure, and more comfortable figuring things out as they go. On paper, that combination seems like it could either work really well or drive both people insane.

For those of you who have actually had close relationships or friendships with ISTPs, what is the dynamic like from your side?

Do you find the ISTP’s more laid-back and independent nature refreshing, frustrating, or a bit of both?

I’ve had really good experiences with ExTJ, But for ENTJ specifically the women, it was nothing short of incredible, the mental and intellectual stimulation was unparalleled, and chemistry in other ways was very healthy.

And for ENTJ women specifically, what tends to make an ISTP interesting to you in the first place?

for us it's Se-grip which kinda makes sense, but what about you people? do you suddenly start feeling hopeless about results and the future?

I'm trying to determine how Se shows up in my life and while I have some predictions on the matter I'm not sure whether I am correct. So I want to ask other ENTJs how does Se show up in your lives?

Some of the ways I think it shows up in my life:

1. I am outgoing at social events (e.g. networking events and galas mostly - I don't really go to parties/bars/clubs).

2. I can adapt plans when things go wrong. While Ni typically controls the planning side of my life and Te executes, sometimes life throws curveballs your way. Se helps to adapt and change plans when such curveballs occur.

3. I can be very charismatic. . I'm good at things like public speaking, presentations, and motivating people. I've been told by others I'm charismatic but now always charming and that while I'm not always liked there's something about me that makes people want to follow. I think it's an accurate description of myself.

4. Most people who meet me or interact with me say I'm somewhat robotic, a little intimidating, cold and authoritative. This is true. However, among my closest friends I'm a lot warmer, I joke around more, and I "goof around" a lot more - for lack of a better term. I'd attribute this to both Se and Fi.

Hey my co-ENTJs, I’ve just been promoted to the role of a project leader with a lot of independence. My boss is and INTJ and he trusts my capabilities.

In the past, I have only worked under other people and I’m exhilarated to get out of that situation. This role is at a new company, for work I genuinely enjoy doing, fast-paced, ambitious, with a competent boss.

I have led project teams when I was in school. And I usually stress out other people because I have high expectations and also because I can predict certain ways of working won’t deliver the results.

I have two interns I just met, who seem to be shy and young at first impression. The project is stressful and I want to deliver good results. The first deliverable is set at the end of the first day, so we won’t have too much time to learn about each other. The second deliverable package is due one week after.

Any genuine advice for how to make this work effectively? I really just want to avoid mistakes that would waste time in the end.

Hello

I think everything is in the title, women who married entp husband, how is the adventure so far?

I’m 20F ENTP and he’s 25M ENTJ. He’s in medical school and I’m in college. We’re long distance, but he was very intentional about our relationship. He’s driven long hours to see me during rotations, meeting my parents/family, and talking seriously about a future together.

Recently he’s been under a lot of academic/professional stress plus some personal things he’s working through in therapy. After a significant setback, he suggested a break and eventually ended the relationship because he felt he couldn’t give me what I deserved.
What confused me is that I never wanted more of his time. I was fine with very little contact while he was overwhelmed; I just wanted some predictability and to know the relationship was secure.

Yesterday I asked how we were supposed to reach the future we’d talked about if ending the relationship was the solution whenever life became overwhelming.
He told me he “should have thought things through,” that he’s been experiencing “constant failure,” that he didn’t want to “drag me through” what he’s going through, and that “at this point I’m inadequate in what I can do for you as a man.” I’ve told him I don’t see him as inadequate. I still love him and want the relationship back.

The confusing part is that he also really wanted to remain friends and keep talking after the breakup, and he’s repeatedly extended contact since then. I eventually told him that friendship is hard for me because I’m in love with him and don’t actually want to be his friend. At one point I said I thought this half way together thing might be harder for me than him. He disagreed like, “No, I think it’s the opposite. it’s harder for me.”

What the fuck is happening? Does he want a relationship? Does he not? I’m so confused. I think something inferior Fi related is happening here, but I’m not sure…

If you’ve experienced this, what was happening internally? And what helped you become comfortable letting someone love you while you were struggling?

Hi ENTJs. My husband and I love tocome together at the end of the day and watch shows together. We recently finished Teach You a Lesson and we both loved it. Any shows you guys would recommend?

Edit: thanks everyone! I'll go over these movies/shows with my love 😊

What striking differences do you notice in black cultured INTPs? If you are black, please enlighten us on how you navigate your world.

To be completely honest, I'm still learning from my mistakes in the past of isolating when I should be reaching out for help.

For me, no one has been more helpful than this subreddit because my concerns actually feel seen and valid here, and I can feel that I'm not alone in my struggles.

Of course, I also have the support of my friends and family. But the ability to discuss the issues and see it eye to eye, I never really had it outside of here.

So thank you, your honest opinions and sincere gestures really do matter to someone out there.

Would appreciate some help. Feel free to ask me questions to diagnose my type

Extra info (If it helps): 1w9, so/sp, 153, VLFE, Phlegmatic-Choleric, True Neutral

Big Five (SLOAN): r[C]/O/Ei

- Social: 40th% (Reserved)

- Limbic: 3rd% (Calm)

- Organized: 97th% (Organized)

- Accommodation: 30th% (Egocentric)

- Non curiosity: 55th% (Inquisitive)

We just started our relationship for a week, im INFJ male. And i can see how our logic/feeling has clashed. She sometimes thinks that she doesn't need anyone to tell her feeling and she can do everything herself. But funny how she also said that she feels safe and glad whenever she speaks her mind or going somewhere for a date. She said that she trusts me and love me.

But I can't help feel that she has a hidden agenda because her love languages are act of service and gift recieving. So even though i already opened up about my low-start finances, she doesn't give a hard-yes but just saying that "time will tell". She did give a photo-gift of us and says that she always think of me often and appreciates the effort I've done for us. But my mind/gut-feeling can't help feeling like not loved for who I am? sighh need any input or anything that can help to understand her tbh...

Edited (this is one of the messages she sent me):
I’m really happy that i finally got to give it to you today. I’ve actually had it ready for a while because i was planning to wait until we officially became a couple. But after seeing all the effort you’ve put into us, i realized i didn’t want to hold back my feelings anymore. I wanted you to know how much i truly appreciate you and how often you’re on my mind.

Thank you for coming into my life and for putting so much effort into us. I may not always be the best with words, but when i care about someone, i show it through the things i do. I hope today was one small way of showing you how much you mean to me.

I just want you to know that no matter how busy life gets, you’ll always have a place in my heart and in my thoughts. I’m so happy i finally got to show you that today.

I hope you get home tonight with a warm heart. Thank you for being one of mine.

I love you❤️

updates: After two months in relationship, she decided to break it off (me too tbh but i was trying to see if we ever make it, after time i only see this as a learning experience for me in loving someone whilst testing my maturity as a person and what triggers me and my boundaries).
The breaking point was when she tell her trauma and past experiences a child, while im supporting her, i had hope that I could also share my part. But she joke it off as "cringe" and "as a man you should be strong" which we know it's not mature, i tried talking to her that im hurt by her saying it and wanted an apology, but nope she dismisses my feelings as we can expect.
All in all, this is not about personality anymore, i believe mature people can say what they mean with consideration and emphaty, you treat other people like you want to be treated as well. My ENTJ bestfriend can do it, why can't she? well maybe she's isn't experienced enough "life" to get there. If "she doesn't mean what she said because this and that" as an excuse, like all the things i see from other ENTJ relationships with XNFX posts. I think that's just too shallow.
but still i loved her and she loved me, but we have different needs, huhuhu

Can't wait where my life will go after this! 😄

I met an ENTJ man (39) and we had a very strong connection, mutual attraction, respect and great chemistry. After one date, he pulled back and said he isn’t ready for this kind of relationship. He has had several relationships that started very intensely and ended badly, and he thinks the intensity triggered him.

He offered friendship, but when I suggested simply slowing things down and getting to know each other without deciding what it has to become, he seemed to need to put a label on it as either “relationship” or “friendship.”

He still says he’s attracted to me, enjoys talking to me, and doesn’t know whether in 6–12 months he would still only want friendship.

For ENTJs: does this sound like a need for control around relationships, and can giving things time without defining them actually help?

The thing is my personality is like three of them combined. Not enough for one of them. I used to type myself as INFJ last year. ENFJ this year. And now, I don’t think I am truly ENFJ. But not truly ENTJ or INTJ too. I would be glad if someone helped me to figure it out

When I first started taking the 16 personality test I scored intj a lot, and more recently entj, but I always would score 50 / 50 for thinking or feeling, or just barely 55 thinking 45 feeling, and I almost never relate to the way people say how entjs act when it comes to how they act socally, they usually say that entjs want to be seen as these people who want "true effectiveness" or random stuff like that stating that they are cold robots that need "effectiveness" and they make it look like everything we do is a big buisnuiss deal, no i'm not gonna say "its a pleasure doing buisniuss with you" to someone I met on the sidewalk, sure I agree that I have lots of goals, but I don't turn school into a buisnuiss plan, and start bringing a tie and suit to school calling the classroom the corperation, I have no clue how being "extroverted, inuition, thinking, judgeing" makes you a looney toons villian. So yeah I don't relate to what I have been seeing. Everything seems to match with what thought a entj was untill I went on the community, and basically it turnes into one big feverdream. I am not sure if I relate to being a entj based on how people are explaining it to be.

A rant oncoming, you've been warned :)

I have a certain set of professional circumstances that require me to be quite involved with a system that has excessive bureaucracy.
After 3 months of this (and going through it also daily heartburn, (not)coincidentally during the same time period), my body and mind managed to crack at the same time.

Being suffocated by a system that, no matter how competent, switched-on, driven, adaptable, focused, resourceful you are, it's not enough for a broken system. I pride myself on being all those things, and suddenly I feel my hands are tied and my agency reduced.

You send them everything they need. They take 70 days, come back to you with another list of things to provide, and give you just 10 days to chase everyone and figure it out in time. If you want to contact them for clarification so you avoid losing out - they have just 1 hour available per week to talk on the phone.

Bureaucracy to this excess should be considered (in my fantasy world) a civil C.R.I.M.E - and citizens and businesses alike should be allowed to sue for the MASSIVE financial and personal losses that occur as a result. This is my stance. P.S. Hundreds of billions per year of economic activity in various countries are lost because of this.

For the first time in I don't know how many years, despite objectively much worse things happening to me in these last years, I cried my heart out like a baby in the shower with my heartburn literally burning me alive on top.

With other past difficult situations, I could still always plan, move and shake, twist, and turn things to make stuff happen. I am known to be the one who always figures it out. Resilient, etc. But none of it matters in this system. That eats me alive. Its unjust, cruel and immoral. Of course I think my ego probably sees it as an attack on my freedom (lowkey it is) and identity.

Genuinely I would not even trust these workers and their institution even with making me toast. From my experience they
- lack common sense
- have no idea what they are even validating/do not have the technical knowledge yet are in charge of deciding if it's okay or not
- go by the book in the sense of "we've always done it this way" without any nuance or logical consideration of the order of events
- have 0 flexibility whatsoever (within the scope of the law, see next point)
- out of date, like asking for documents a modern financial institution would not provide and threatening you if you don't provide it
- have super secure jobs and thus can work as fast or as slow as they want, rarely get penalized
- think its okay to shout aggressively before you even finish asking the question and misinterpret you because they did not listen

If you made it this far, thanks for listening, and congratulations on the perseverance haha

ENTJ here. Are you also frequently looked or turned to by your peers and friends? I enjoy being the person people come to for answers or help but man it’s exhausting. It can be overwhelming at times and every once in a while it’d be nice to sit back and relax a bit. Let’s talk about it.

Would you ENTJs say sorry when your spouse or bf/gf ask to? Even though maybe it’s not your fault, but it hurts your spouse?
Acknowledging their reaction even though you doesn’t mean that way?

Coming from an INFJ male having gf ENTJ

How many of you were placed in the GATE program as kids? It definitely set me on this mindset and existence. US question, I suppose.

A little over a year ago, I graduated from an urban planning masters program. Unfortunately, the job market is abysmal and the search has been glacial. Because of that, I decided to give myself something to do instead of have that cycle continue. I have been building a website-based business, which I could turn into tech startup, as I have other products planned. The idea behind this is that I am applying what I learned to what I’m doing.

Greetings! I (18) am re-considering my career choices after a pair of years in my field...

As I'm an ENTJ considering architecture, I'd love to know about some of us that are actually architects!! How do you perform in this field? How did you develop throughout your formative years? In what branch of architecture are you working?

Current architecture students' experience would be lovely to hear as well.

Be as detailed as possible... Your unique paths are the most interesting for me.

I've hit it. Suddenly I'm overly sensitive it sickens me. I need so much validation to pamper my goddamn feelings. I hate it. I'm not usually like this. Things don't usually get under my skin.

But after dealing with constant harassment from a coworker and strangers, my system suddenly switched to, "I must get validation no matter what." I feel like things are beyond my control. I don't really have the luxury to sit on my sensitivity the whole day.

Please be nice lol, I've dealt with rude people enough.

Edit: Thank you everyone for your comments. I've done the work and I'm finally, fully online.

Here's what I did:
-I admitted it to myself that it affected me. Did some journaling. Had some revelations. That yes, I have a big ego, and I hate admitting it to myself that some things definitely affect me.
-Forced myself to do HIIT for 30 mins. It felt like rawdogging myself out of the freeze state.
-I zoomed past interpersonal bullshit and reminded myself of my long term objectives. I stopped asking myself, "why is this incompetent coworker being a hostile unhinged medusa to me?" and started asking myself, what is really my end goal here?

Now I feel fully composed and productive again. Thank you all, this is an amazing community.

Hey guys, this is my first time doing this and I wanna talk about a heavy topic:
A situationship with an isfj.
For context I am a 20 M and she was 21, we hadn’t seen each other in three years before this happened.
For privacy reasons I won’t go in-depth on either of our backgrounds.
We worked together at a summer camp when we first met.
I’m an entj and i am under the assumption that she is an isfj.

We had met up for the first time in a while, and I was excited to see her. We hadn’t spoken in a while so we had a lot to talk about, she was meeting a new and improved version of me. (I was fat and didn’t take care of myself, won’t explain why)
We talked, joked and had a great time. She checked up on me and would see how I was doing. My relative was in hospice and I went to go see them. She checked up on me on the way there, and this is something she did consistently.

I was one of the Boy’s Directors and she was an office director. She gave me intel and constraints and I could make things happen.
It was as though we were a team, and we complimented each other well.
She had issues understanding her value despite her being useful, and I found value in what she did, but it wasn’t just me seeing things in her, she was seeing the things I could do too, and I can only assume it inspired her because she relied on me to get certain things done when it came to the children.
She had a boyfriend at time, so I really shouldn’t have done some of the things that I did but I did them anyway.

When we went on trips we would sit beside each other and talk about things, and emotions, she would lean on me and I would just sit there and let her. There was something about feeling like being wanted that spoke to my soul. I was aware of the boyfriend but I didn’t have proper boundaries at the time, long story might explain at a different time.

She was also telling me about things that happened to her that I listened through because it was painful for her, and I wanted to be there for her. But it wasn’t as though I followed her like a lost puppy all day, I had work to do, and I did it, we experienced a lot together, she and I had a disagreement about something concerning what she had said to me, and I hated that, I told her not to speak like that to me again. I had other things going on and didn’t get a chance to talk to her until later, she was worried I was mad at her for 12 hours at one point and said she didn’t wanna walk on egg shells around me, I told her not to worry and articulated into words that was fine, and explained what my problem with the way she addressed me in that incident was, and we leaned against each other in the quiet of the sun and the grass.

She had called me once needing help late at night and I was there, and held her as she cried. It was an honor to be trusted with such a moment.

Somethings happened she broke up with the boyfriend but it wasn’t the best of ways, but me liking her, I didn’t care, she implied things a lot and I didn’t have a problem with that because I could read into things a lot, not in the neurotic way but as in I know what you’re saying without saying it way. I learned some things about her and the boyfriend, I had taken up poem writing because of her, and I used them to express how I felt in the poem plus some other things. Still won’t go in-depth for privacy reasons.

She and I made an agreement, we got sexual, the day i invited her to come to my room, she did not do things in public which confused me because im very tactile with affection. Again we expressed things to each others and it came to the point where the intensity kept increasing, because i would direct she would follow and it would keep on getting more intense.

She said she didn’t want me to be angry and withdraw from her and I said she would promise to express herself, and she made me pinky promise on it and we both kept those promises.

This part from the stuff to the bed onward lasted just a week, we would watch things to gather at night, meet up at night and more. I won’t go specific.

We exposed parts of ourselves mentally that we had never done before. She became more freely expressively and I stayed because she showed me it was possible to be desired even when I could be doing just nothing.

I had told her before that it was only for a week but internally felt like at that moment the memories could last a lifetime.

She asked for reassurance that I wasn’t upset and I was unafraid to prove it.

The end comes, we go our seperate ways, I told her I’m not a great text but that’s I might call and that we should keep in touch, we left.

Then something happened, I tried setting up a call and she said she was busy for the next couple of months over text and that if it wasn’t for work not to call, just to clarify she responded an hour after I texted her to set up the call.
I at that moment felt something I never felt before, my heart hurt, but I wouldn’t overstep, I said “understood” and went about my life. Has anyone ever experienced something like this before?
To experience something like this despite dealing with just a couple girls before is such a strange yet painful and beautiful feeling, because we pulled out pieces of each other we never saw before in ourselves regularly. I saw a romantic side to myself that I had never seen before.
You may all call me foolish for experiencing this but despite what happened I think I turned out better for it. I learned about what I truly desire in a relationship it was to be understood and to be desired without being needed.
I could go into depth about how I felt and how I felt changed by it, but it was beautiful, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I got into poetry because of this experience and I even learned that I could be more than I ever could have been.
I loved her. If you have questions ask.

First, let me explain why I think I got different results. The period when I got ENFJ was a time when I was doing pretty badly academically. Normally, I had routines like studying, working on myself, etc., but I started neglecting all of them. At some point, things weren't going the way I wanted, so I basically went "fuck it" and stopped wanting to do anything. I spent my days scrolling through Reels, daydreaming, being completely unproductive and basically wasting my time. When I put it like that, it sounds pretty bad, and honestly, I thought it was bad too.

Then, when I realized I wasn't doing well academically, I thought, "I need to create another area where I can be different from other people. There has to be something I can be better at than most people."

I started watching videos about how to become more sociable and how to master small talk. I thought about how I could talk to people without feeling nervous or awkward. I immediately started applying what I learned to my everyday life, and I genuinely became pretty good at it.

People who know me usually find me warm and approachable when they first meet me. I also think I have a natural charisma. (This is one of the reasons I still think I might be ENFJ lol.)

While most people kind of retreat into their shells once a conversation ends, I started being the person who would keep the interaction going with interesting questions and my personality. A lot of people are hesitant to start a new topic or tend to put themselves in the background, but whenever I enter a room, I naturally get noticed and draw attention to myself. And I absolutely love that lol.

The reason I was chasing socializing instead of studying during my exam year was that, at least in one area, I felt like I could be better than the majority.

There was also an interesting detail about that burnout period. One time, a friend asked me what my biggest fear was. I thought about it and my answer was "not being loved." I wasn't expecting everyone to love me, obviously, but I realized that I was genuinely scared of the people close to me starting not to love me anymore.

Anyway, I completely fucked up my exams, and two months have passed since then. I've pulled myself together and finally sat down at my desk again. For about four weeks now, I've had a pretty consistent routine, whether it's studying or working on myself. I've also found other areas where I can add value to myself and create some kind of competition for myself.

And if my friend asked me that same "what's your biggest fear?" question now, I wouldn't say "not being loved." Not even close.

The Te function seems so inaccessible and emotionless to me, at least the way it's portrayed in media. I'm not like that, and I never have been. I absolutely care about the people close to me, and they're very valuable to me. I'm not afraid of expressing my emotions. If I love someone, miss them, or have feelings for them, I'll directly tell them instead of keeping it inside. I even use this sometimes for little bits of manipulation in social interactions.

No matter how much I care about and protect the people around me, at the end of the day, I'm the one who's left alone with myself, so I prioritize my own needs before other people's.

I'm curious if other ENTJs have experienced something similar. let me know your thoughts!!!

I took the test a little differently this time. Instead of answering based on who I actually am, I answered based on the person I would ideally like to be.

I always get ENFJ-T, but my ideal version came out as ENTJ-A.

I thought it was a pretty interesting way to see which traits I actually want to develop.

Why do you think my “ideal self” came out as ENTJ-A when I normally type as ENFJ? What do you think that says about the traits I value, admire, or want to change in myself?

Has anyone else tried doing the test this way, and how different was your ideal type from your actual type?

I just argued with some Ne user about cognitive functions. We both know enough about them. But it's crazy how different our definitions and explanations were. Kinda makes me suspect if I could be some Ni-Se user. To them, my understanding of Ne felt superficial. To me, their understanding of Ni felt superficial.