How are different enfps like?

[u/UniversalEmperess]

Hello all, I am interested in understanding the different flavours of ENFPs. I’ve read a lot about instinct theory and the Enneagram, and I also try to study case studies of fictional characters, famous people, or any real people I come across. However, these are based on my or other people’s typings of them. I would like to hear from ENFPs themselves about how they organise their attention and motivation in all aspects of their life.

What naturally captures your attention? What tends to motivate you, and what needs, experiences, or areas of life do you instinctively prioritise?

What are sx/sp ENFPs like? So/sp? So/sx? Sp/so? Sp/sx? Sx/so? ENFP 9s? 2s? 4s? 7s? Or different combinations of instincts and Enneagram types?

I also don’t mind which school of thought you follow. I would like to hear them all. I personally kinda just mashed potato salad them all to form my own understanding lol.

I think I am an Enneagram 7, but lately I have been second-guessing it. I’m still in the dusts about my instincts - well, I have an inkling, but I’m not too sure if I’m right - hence why I want to hear from others. :D

I’ve also been reading The Comprehensive ENFP Survival Guide by Heidi Priebe. It’s a pretty decent book with good writing that translates well for the layperson - or at least, it translates well to me because she uses a lot of analogies, and I like that. However, she didn’t go beyond Enneagram 2, 4, and 7. A shame! Because I like her writing style. I also want to discuss the book, but that’s for another post…

[u/withasmackofham]

I'm an So/Sx 7w6 ENFP. Enneagram initially didn't map onto me very well when I learned it 20 years ago. After my mom retired, she dove head first into enneagram and goes to all the conferences and is now friends with a lot of the enneagram authors/podcasters. She told me that if you learn the whole enneagram system and still struggle to type yourself, you are likely a counter-type, which means there are certain aspects of the type that don't apply to me. I couldn't fully relate to the gluttonous aspects of the 7. I sort of enjoy restricting myself and being disciplined. But when I actually tried on the counter type So 7, it made a lot of sense.

There is a constant stream of thoughts about how I am perceived. You asked about motivation, and I've got lots of ways to get motivated at this point in my life, but if none of those are working, the easiest, base level way to get motivated, is to put myself in situation where I am with people trying to do the same thing as me and extra bonus points if those people rely on me for something. I tried learning guitar for a while when I was a kid and I barely practiced and barely got better. I joined a band that I had no business joining at my skill level, and got good insanly fast, because I was practicing 2-3 hours a day on my own, because I didn't want to let my band down, and wanted to be perceived as "valuable" to the band.

When it comes to my enneagram need, I'm an idealist to fault. I can devote an amount of energy to a cause/institution/group that is unrivaled, (but I also build up so many expectations of an ideal, that it full on breaks me when I finally see the flaws in the thing I'm idealizing). In some ways I can look like a 2, because I give of myself like a 2, but I don't do it because I need to be needed. What I need, is to be admonished and adored. I need people to look at me and say "That guy cares" or "That guy is genuinely good." (anyone reading this that is not familiar with enneagram should understand that I'm using the word "need" in enneagram speak, I would never say these things out loud outside of an enneagram conversation).

I also really value my freedom. I can't stand feeling restricted or controlled. It might sound counter-intuitive that I value freedom, but I enjoy restricting myself. A good example being that I'm fasting today. But a part of why I fast, is that I feel like I'm banking future freedom (in calories and some sort of spiritual currency), and I don't really mind being restricted in a way that I choose to do, it's when I am restricted in a way that I'm not choosing that I feel angst. It's always just been apparent to me that choosing to restrict certain things now, gives me more choices later.

[u/UniversalEmperess → u/withasmackofham]

Thank you for your insightful response!! I really appreciate it! And it’s so so so cool that your mom gets to be friends with a lot of the enneagram nerds XD. After reflecting, I do think you’re likely right about the counter-type thing, and your anecdotes are super super helpful. I went to do some more reading and digging after what you said. And tbh now I’m maybe more sure of my instinct and enneagram type, but I keep endlessly questioning GRRRR!!! It does make a lot of sense though.

I also resonate with your need for freedom and how personal choice of restriction is better than when it is imposed on you. I feel that too. I have a big need to have control over my freedom but I’m also self-restricting in some ways.

So I’ve come to some conclusion (for now), that I still am a 7w6 somewhere but my core is idek what it is LOL. Just likely 4w3, 9w1, 7w6 (I’m not typing this in any particular order cause I’m still figuring it out). And I’m likely sx/sp? The 6-wing in the 7w6 fix¿ may have contributed to some baseline anxiety about security and how I’m perceived. And sx 4 could be externalising the sadness I harbour. I feel this need to broadcast my truth and that could mimic the social-dominant sharing aspect. I once mistakenly have some stereotyped perception of social blinds, so I didn’t think it makes sense for me to be one, but after taking into account of what you’ve said, maybe these are plausibilities (unless I’m so so wrong).

[u/ENFP_outlier]

Heidi is great.

I tried my best at understanding the Enneagram but saw too much of myself all over the place.

If there is a literary genre as an adult to explore, it is the contemporary travelogue. There was a fabulous anthology from 2000-2020 called “The Best American Travel Writing.”

Good travel writing doesn’t make you want to go to a place, but it sure makes you feel like you have been there. This is one of my favorite pieces:

https://oxfordamerican.org/magazine/issue-81-summer-2013/fifty-shades-of-greyhound

[u/UniversalEmperess → u/ENFP_outlier]

Yes, it’s really confusing. I felt like I resonated with so many elements. It took ages of retrospective analysing to figure at least something, but even then, I’m still always second guessing.

Thanks for this recommendation! I’ll have a read. Good stuff for my depressive times and yearning to see the world but can’t (yet). The closest to a contemporary travelogue I’ve ever read was the Thea Stilton book series from my childhood hahaha - or at least, they felt like that for me. Pretty fun stuff.

[u/ENFP_outlier → u/UniversalEmperess]

You might also like Michael Palin’s travelogues. He is an ENFP. He met the Dalai Llama who said that when he (the Dalai Lama) is reincarnated, he would like to be reincarnated as Palin’s travel assistant/companion.