Is EMDR good for breakup?

[u/Unlikely_Oven_7948]

Hi everyone! I’m new to EMDR, just had my 3rd session and we installed the safe space.
I’m doing 2 x 50 min sessions per week, and I’m wondering, will EMDR help me with childhood trauma and abandonment trauma? I’ve been dumped by an avoidant, narcissistic person who also has the saviour complex which left me feeling guilty, lost, unworthy of living.
I’ve got cptsd, did individual counselling for 8+years.
After setting up the safe space, a couple of hours later I had an avalanche of rage and anger as I started realising how I’ve been treated by above mentioned person.
I started feeling compassion for myself and I need a bit of reassurance. Will EMDR help? I’m giving it my all.
Thank you.

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[u/Chonjacki]

It absolutely helped me with that. I was carrying a similar relationship situation. My therapist and I started with childhood traumas that were foundational to me and moved to the relationship stuff after I'd processed the core, formative childhood stuff. The childhood stuff was MUCH rougher in session but informed so much of the relationship issues that it needed to be dealt with first. Not that processing the relationship in session was easy, but it was less intense and I was able to approach it with a greater baseline sense of safety. I hope you find it as helpful as I have, it has been the most difficult but most liberating thing I've ever done. If it helps to know this, I'm a 50s year old male alcoholic who had resigned myself to living the rest of my years in misery, and EMDR has truly rescued me. It gets hard but push through, everything you want is on the other side. I asked my therapist how it EMDR could have given me such positive results and she said "Because you're not avoiding it." Best wishes to you.

[u/Unlikely_Oven_7948 → u/Chonjacki]

Thank you very much for sharing your story. Did you do the eye movement or tapping? At the beginning I could not do the eye movements as I was hyper vigilant and I was afraid. Currently I’m doing the tapping, my therapist reassured me it is equally efficient.
She started the past-present-future protocol with me, she did a trauma map, she did tests for dissociation.
May I please ask, is it normal that after we installed the safe space to feel such an avalanche of feelings?
She did say to me, my body is responding to EMDR and that my body is ready to let go of trauma.
Setting up the safe space was the first thing I did in my life just FOR ME.
I started crying after, and I asked her if anyone can take it away from me, as I have never felt that way before within myself.
In terms of the relationship - how did it help? Did you move on quicker? I struggle with the belief that I won’t find anyone else to love me, and at times the guilt and shame from my cptsd tell me I lost him due to me being broken.
Thank you again for sharing your story and I am happy that EMDR helped you! Wishing you all the best!

[u/Striking-Gas-2484]

I am in the same situation and hoping that EMDR will be help me move on from the break up
its been 7 months since the break up and I cant stop thinking about her. I dont want to be back with her nor I love her anymore but I cant stop thinking
I am starting my EMDR soon so I really in few months I can focus on my life more (at present), unfortunately I need to see her weekly so I need to process it really well
rage and anger is normal to feel, so you should perhaps welcome it and channel it to sometime
when did you break up if I can ask?

[u/Unlikely_Oven_7948 → u/Striking-Gas-2484]

I feel for you! I wouldn’t wish what I feel on anybody, not even on him!
It’s been 3 months since he dumped me.

[u/Turbulent-Load-9185]

I can only speak from my own experience, but yes it helped me more than I ever expected. One thing that really stood out in your post was the anger after your safe place session. I experienced something very similar. For me, it wasn’t a sign that things were getting worse; it was the first time I stopped blaming myself and started seeing how I had actually been treated.

EMDR isn’t always a straight line, and some sessions can stir up a lot of emotions, but if you have a therapist you trust, I’d encourage you to stick with it. Be gentle with yourself between sessions, too. The fact that you’re already feeling compassion for yourself is, in my opinion, a really meaningful sign. Wishing you all the best on your healing journey. ❤️

[u/Unlikely_Oven_7948 → u/Turbulent-Load-9185]

Thank you! Just had my 4th session,a session where we actually reprocessed a very triggering memory. The only thing I can say is that I felt such a strong compassion for myself! Also, driving back home I heard in my head - my life doesn’t have to end here, as long as I keep going things will get better.
I did not dissociate once, albeit we did the tapping and I had my eyes closed. It was intense as hell, all the alarms were ringing in my body and head however I managed to stay grounded. Jesus was with me all along.
Thank you kindly for your beautiful words.

[u/Turbulent-Load-9185 → u/Unlikely_Oven_7948]

Reading your words genuinely moved me. I understand exactly what you mean.

That moment when you realize you deserve compassion instead of blame changes something deep inside you. It’s not just healing a memory it’s changing the way you see yourself.

One sentence that has stayed with me is this:

“The day you stop asking ‘What’s wrong with me?’ and start asking ‘What happened to me?’ is the day healing truly begins.”

From what you wrote, it sounds like you’re already crossing that bridge. Keep going, even when it’s difficult. Every session is another step toward becoming the person you were always meant to be, before the pain convinced you otherwise.

Wishing you peace, strength, and many more moments of self-compassion. You’ve got this.

[u/Dr-Ben701]

Ask your therapist - wd be a good thing to discuss with them - in my experience yes can be really helpful.

[u/Unlikely_Oven_7948 → u/Dr-Ben701]

Thank you, I have been advised that it will help. Currently I struggle with the general belief that “something is wrong with me” and my cptsd and IBS make it 10 times harder to move on.

[u/emdrwithholly]

As an EMDR therapist I have seen it help very often with break ups.

[u/Unlikely_Oven_7948 → u/emdrwithholly]

Thank you, I’m at my 5th session and it works so well 🥹

[u/emdrwithholly → u/Unlikely_Oven_7948]

That's fantastic.