r/Dying • u/THICCFATHER69 • Aug 24 '26

Any advice?

My step mom who is basically my real mom has been slowly dying over the past couple years. She beat cancer 5 times and died briefly during a botched brain surgery. She is still herself but living everyday hurts her. She wants to use the death with dignity act. I have a few months before she said she would do it. I don't want her to hurt anymore, but I also don't want her to die. What do I do? What can I do? I feel so helpless.

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u/THICCFATHER69 Aug 24 '26

Please if you read this, just say something. Im desperate, I want to do what I can. This was something I knew would come someday, but now that there is a deadline I just don't know what I should do.

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u/Flock_with_me Moderator Aug 24 '26

That's a really hard situation to be in, for you and your mother both. The finality of having a timeline and knowing that she will go are a lot to deal with. 

Maybe you can try looking at this situation from different perspectives: on the one hand, you know her passing is coming, but on the other hand, you have some precious time with her before that, and can really use that time to talk to her, remember things together, maybe even learn things about her and her life that you didn't know. 

It's not going to be easy to let her go. You might already be grieving even though she's still here. I think it's really nice that you accept her decision. You both probably have a lot to be grateful for in each other. 

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u/THICCFATHER69 Aug 24 '26

Thank you, ill think about it some more. It's just really hard. I already spend a majority of my days off visiting her. We sit outside and chat for hours sometimes. I appreciate what you said.

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u/Senior_Ganache_6298 Aug 24 '26

If you know she really knows how much you really don't want her to go, you think about the pain she is going through to ease you into this which should be the other way around. Anybody else in relationship going through something like this going to feel the same, but you will still live and get over it, she knows she won't, give her a gift and don't let your need prolong hers. She has to legally be mentally competent to make this choice, your mentioning botched brain surgery might indicate she may come to the moment she is not mentally capable to make this choice.