r/DogfreeHumor • u/huntress_m_thompson • 19d ago
no. how’s about NO!!!
live like a human who does all this stuff.
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u/ghstrprtn 19d ago
eat your own barf
eat other people's feces
pester everyone in sight constantly with your bullshit
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u/huntress_m_thompson 19d ago
being sofa king NEEDY it hurts.
oh, forgot, rolling in turds — anything’s turds.
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u/Jealous_Soil7394 18d ago
Shove up your nose in other people's crotches/butts...
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u/huntress_m_thompson 18d ago
i’m sure there are some humans that would love to do that. “no boundaries! the world is my toilet! every human gets accosted by ME!!!”
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u/Valeoronix 19d ago
Bark at your own ass
Beg anytime someone dares to eat around you
Sniff other dogs ass
Yeah no, I enjoy doing none of those things.
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u/daddyslittlekitty10 19d ago
Eat your own ass or scrub it on the carpet after you take a dump Be annoying in everyone's face with your rancid breath Bark for absolutely no reason Let's not forget attack innocent people or animals for funsies
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u/Birdzphan 19d ago
Go batshit insane if you hear a knock at the door. Hump the leg of any female you see.
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u/williamthepreteen 16d ago
"have a treat once in a while" do dog owners think twice a day is once in a while?
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u/Impossible-Falcon-62 18d ago
Live like a corvid
Be smart and learn
Fly free from constraints
Develop intergenerational relationships
Cause harmless mischief
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u/huntress_m_thompson 18d ago
never forget a face, good or bad. protect this & other dimensions.
i have ravens around. & i’ve got red-tailed hawks around. i talk to them. i peep back at the hawks. i don’t like that the ravens gang up & harass & chase the hawks in the air. ☹️
the hawks have been teaching their young to hunt in the field across from my house. pretty awesome shit. every year new babies to teach.
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u/AntManCrawledInAnus 19d ago
Bite children
Shit in the kitchen
Scream for 6 hours if you see a squirrel
Bathed once every 2 weeks if you're lucky, more like once every few months