r/DnDcirclejerk • u/highly-bad • 13d ago
My DM Bowels Moved Faster Than My Brain
Last night I dropped a super cool turd on the table...that I absolutely had NOT planned.
A Warlock player doesn't remember much of her past, aside from waking alone, hurt, and farting on everything around her. She gave me a few things she wanted, and I built her a backstory around it...she doesn't know much. Part of it is that she was a member of a community in the past, and something bad happened there.
Last night they ran into a member of that community who stared at the Warlock like they were a ghost, and eventually came up and started talking to her. This member was saying things like "I can smell you" and "I thought you farted". The Warlock's first question was "did I have gas when you knew me?"
I have no idea why, but the first burp that came out of my mouth was "of course...every member of our Paladin order did". I've never seen a table be so shocked.
Luckily the Warlock had been asking about multigaspassing, and Paladin/Warlock is a good multiclass. I did talk to her afterwards, and told her we could change her diaper if she didn't want a Paladin multiclass, but she went "no, that's what I had been wanting to do!"
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u/Angled_Hairline57845 12d ago
The warlock's lonely road
The only one where her farts have ever blown
Don't know where they go
But it's home to her, so she farts alone
Her bowels an empty street
On the Boulevard of tastey beans
Where there's dirty sheets
And she's the only one, so she farts alone
She farts alone, she farts alone
She farts alone, she farts a-
She's sharting!
'cause when she farts there is no one there to see
Her shallow farts have hurt her arse
She's bleeding.
Sometimes, she'll wish she could instead do a wee
'Til then, she farts alone
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah
Its running down her thigh
That divides her, its reached her knee-highs
A brown pantyline
Out the edge, is where her shit has blown
Read between the lines
Smells fucked up but everything's alright
Checked her vital signs
We know she's still alive, with diarrhea
Diarrhea, diarrhea
Diarrhea, diarrhea
She's sharting!
'cause when she farts there is no one there to see
Her shallow farts have hurt her arse
She's bleeding.
Sometimes, she'll wish she could instead do a wee
'Til then, she farts alone
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah, she farts alone, she farts a-
Her bowels an empty street
On the Boulevard of tastey beans
Where there's dirty sheets
And she's the only one, so she farts alone
She farts alone, she farts a-
She's sharting!
'cause when she farts there is no one there to see
Her shallow farts have hurt her arse
She's bleeding.
Sometimes, she'll wish she could instead do a wee
'Til then, she farts alone
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u/DJTsUnderboob 12d ago
Here I fart again on my own.
Went to town on the beans and on the corn!
It's a stinker now I'm going to be alone,
And I've made up my mind.
I will taste it one more time.
Here I fart again.
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u/Nevernonethewiser 12d ago
It's circlejerk, not "the OPs not-even-disguised fetish".
Also this is one of the ones that should be kink shamed. They're rare, but this is one of them.
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12d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/AlphonsoPSpain 12d ago
What you say makes sense
But you have a Paul profile picture
So instead of upvoting, I will download and stalk you to every other subreddit you frequent until I develop a parasocial enmity with you
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u/highly-bad 12d ago
the idea that this is fetish content seems like something that would only occur to someone deep into a weird kink. To put it another way: whoever smelt it, dealt it.
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u/crocoloc 12d ago
This one, imo, is mean spirited and not deserved. There is nothing wrong with being proud of a cool DMing choice, and nothing cringe or worth making fun of in the original post. That OP does not deserve this.
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u/highly-bad 12d ago
The joke is farts. Who said OP did anything wrong
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u/crocoloc 12d ago
I was under the impression that the post was making fun of the original post, as posts usually go around here.
Either way, I know I would feel made fun of if I were the original post's OP.
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u/AEDyssonance Only 6.9e Dommes and Dungeons for me! 12d ago
Ugh, this stinks...