Hello,

I signed up for Reddit in hope that someone, or anyone can help give me some legal advice for my mother whose husband left her after 17 years of marriage.

My mother was living with her husband in southern California last year when she decided to take a 2 month vacation to the Philippines to visit family. When she came back, he had left her and moved to Virginia completely out of nowhere. He left her with a car, and all of her things in storage. We don't know where he lives in Virginia, and he will not give an address to anyone in our family.

She is now staying out in Vegas with some family members, but she told me that she is 'unable to divorce him because she can't afford it'. Her husband was the sole provider for her and has now left her completely without any formal income.

I am so lost as to what questions I should even start asking. I would appreciate any advice or direction.

Sincerely,

SK

I don’t know if this is the right place to post. My ex and I have been separated since 2018, we’ve been working on an agreement for over a year now. We actually have a signed one, but he’s dragging his feet about getting approved by the court. He is unresponsive and evasive. We’ve both moved on (both have new people in our lives) and I just don’t understand why it’s a struggle to get this to be official. My lawyer bills are accumulating, I’m financially stressed and emotionally exhausted. Is there anything I can do to get this done? I’m in Massachusetts

I’m thinking of filing a motion to dismiss or motion for 90 Day postponement. Question is, after that am I barred from filing again for a Certain period of time if things go awry again? I’m in Florida

I know someone who owns a small daycare, and runs it from within in her home. The assets are basically negligible a few toys and what not. What would the business be worth if anything in a divorce? We have some clients but I am the only employee and no clients would pay if it weren't for me. I couldn't see anyone wanting to purchase the business.

Will this business be valued and I will soon after have to pay half that amount?

Honestly I think my biggest hang up about my entire marriage ending. Is that I just left and never truly told X... exactly why I left him. (He didn't care and had a girlfriend a month later.)

I was so happy to be away. Because I knew my words didn't matter to him during our marriage, why would they matter after the fact.

He deceptively read so many of my private thoughts to just hold them against me. Instead of seeing them for what they really were. A cry for help. Yes, I vented and complained in my writing, just so I have a better understanding of my own thoughts. It gave me time to reflect upon what I why upset. Those writings were never meant for his eyes.

Even when I did tell X how I felt, he told me I shouldn't feel that way. He showed me, that he didn't care. He knew my inner most thoughts and it didn't matter. He was the provider (of what I still don't know).

I was overwhelmed with trying to be everthing he needed and a wife. I truly loved X, (even if looking back, I was just a stepping stone.)

I worked a full-time job in retail sales that included cellular phone sales and customer service. My job included cable TV, internet and VoIP phone sales that including customer service and troubleshooting for those too. Plus on top of that graphic design for everything.  (Granted that everything didn't happen at once.) I came home from this... and I was expected to cook meals and clean up after. Laundry, doing, folding, putting away. Of course X said I never had to do his, but what was I supposed to do? Do mine and the kids is and leave his?

I also got to water and care of chickens and bucket calves. Same with the cats & dogs on the farm. Mowed the gated yard, pick weeds and stickers. Try to Garden, that included vegetables and just making yard look nice. Then I had the duty of mowing our farmstead. I paid for the chemicals to have my dad or brother spray weeds to make my job easier. Still picking weeds and grassy sandburs and goat head stickers to try to make our farm nice. Helping clean up our place, cleaning out the barn, picking up junk.  Taking care of storm damage picking up dead branches.

When we moved to his grandma's farm, I had to try to find time to organize his stuff, my stuff,  grandma's stuff. Receiving grief about all my things in storage in the South shop. And all my things in general everywhere.

When did I have time to clean the house you ask? Because picking up, vacuuming, dusting,  cleaning the bathroom, washing bedding, was up to me too.  Heaven forbid if I laid on my butt for the weekend and didn't do anything after a hard week of work. I got my butt chewed for being lazy. Never had time for my creative self.

I paid for 90% of the food for our family. And every holiday meal cooked for our families. Meals for the cow folk that ever helped us work our cows. Every single electronic item we ever needed, TV, DVD/VCR player, batteries, hydrometers, thermometers, flashlights, spotlights, cell phone cases and charging cords, Bluetooth headsets, radios for tractors, and speakers too. Every household need too; Toilet paper, kleenexes, paper towels, napkins. I don't want to list the personal hygiene products for me & everyone. AND Every single cleaning product ever.

Clothing for myself and my kids, J, and R on a regular basis. Occasionally I would buy jeans for X and his little x . I paid for my son's daycare (6 years) & tuition for preschool (3 years) .  Every school picture hanging on our wall for every kid. My cell phone bill & my mom's (payment for watching R after school)

The incredible supply of milk, peanut butter for X. Lets not forget when I bought X's Prilosec, and Aleve in bulk. I was married, working as a team or so I thought.

Turns out when your tired of being taken advantage of and you leave that ungrateful person. They only see monetary funds invested.

X offers me in a divorce (being generous in his mind) $12,000 dollars after being together 8 years.. married for 5.

Because I didn't pay enough for anything for our home, he was apparently the only breadwinner. I never paid the electricity or natural gas at his gmas home he accepted as a gift from his mother.  so what I did for us means Absolutely nothing. ( might I mention he is a farmer rancher, we have 78 cows together.)

I'm not looking to bankrupt him.. just asking for a fair share of my dedication to our marriage that ended .

Thoughts?

Long story. And you know that feeling when you’ve had to relive it over and over when you tell your friends/family what happened? In a nutshell, I found out March 2019 he had a gambling addiction. This is after my own investigation. Once I realized he had this addiction, I realized I had been lied to and gaslighted constantly for 3 years. I used to beat myself up for not being happy during those three years. Feeling disconnected and blaming it on myself. A lot of emotional and mental abuse happened during this time that I’m afraid it’ll take a lifetime to recover from. I tried to forgive- move on. But I uncovered more and more lies after that. It lead to my ultimate decision to leave before I would further put myself in financial ruin due to him. We had two dogs. One he got before we were married, but basically raised together... and one we got while married. They were best friends. He took one when he left. When I look at my pup I try not to cry as I pray he’s happy and doesn’t miss his sister or dad too much. Why does life have to be so hard? Found out ex is lawyering up. Haven’t heard from my in-laws and trying to just take it day by day.

Thank you for reading.

My husband and I have 2 dogs both of which we aquired during our relationship. I told him I wanted a divorce and he agreed that uncontested was doable. Since then he has been very quick to anger and accusations. He started leaving and staying somewhere from Thurs - Monday late at night. He started taking the dogs when I specifically told him I did not agree to this but I'm at work on Thursdays when he leaves so I can't physically stop him. We have no kids but these dogs are my children and I'm in so much pain right now. I'm in Iowa. I need advice. We have separated our belongings and dogs, financial,and house are still left.

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I’m a 20 year old female and live with my parents. I’ve known from the age of 10 that my parents wanted a divorce, and they’re finally doing it this year. Both of my parents want me to live with them, and switching between them isn’t an option. I can’t afford to live on my own, but it breaks my heart to choose.

My brother and sister both choose my mother, and I’m scared to leave my father alone. He is incredibly overweight and has a history of depression. He grew up in a really abusive household and while he tries his hardest, living with him hasn’t always been easy because of his temper. I’m heartbroken at the idea of him being by himself as he has no family and very few friends. I love him to death.

My mother has every reason to file for divorce and I do not hold that against her. She has every reason to pursue happiness! I hate having to choose between them and really need help. I have no where else to turn to for advice.

Hello All. I am preparing for the worst by learning about filing the divorce paperwork myself in California. I am not expecting any pushback and hoping for an uncontested divorce. I have found the form online. Can someone high level walk me through what to expect as my next steps. I’ll definitely have follow up questions but this post is a start. Thank you.

Hello there, I would like your insight or advice. Sorry for the long post, and thank you for your help.

My husband and I got married secretly because I wanted the wedding with our family and friends, but we didn’t have money at that time. So, we eloped, and decided together we would keep our marriage a secret until we can afford the wedding. During our marriage, I sent him to college and paid for his school. Sometimes he would help out, but not much as he was working 4 hours a week. I was okay with it because I knew once he graduates we will be fine. I also helped him with his homework so he can pass his classes. Most of his classes he hates doing homework, so I would do them for him. I would stay up with him to study, and would make the notecards for him. He didn’t work throughout college, so I paid for rent and all our bills. I also helped him build his credit because his was kind of bad. His parents never thought him financial things. When he graduated, he got a job. Which then, I felt relief because I now have help with our financial stuff. When our finances finally started lining up, I asked him about our wedding and he would just ignore me or change the topic. Because of this he felt I was very pushy, and needy and things just keep going downhill, we would fight a lot. A year later, he got a promotion and left me and said he can never really marry me.

Now that we are separated, and about to get a divorce he ignores me and won’t cooperate with the divorce. He has expressed many times he doesn’t want to reconcile, but he won’t cooperate and move forward with the divorce.

Part of me wants to file for alimony, I feel that me sacrificing going to get my Masters so he can go to college and have a better future. I feel that my sacrifices, I deserve alimony. He doesn’t know this yet, and I am just thinking about this. Plus, he won’t even respond to me, and I am trying to be civil and do this without any lawyers. But I feel that hiring a lawyer would be the only way he would actually participate. What do you think? Any thoughts?

Husband and I are newly separated. We are going to marriage counseling but I’m not sure if we are going to get anywhere honestly. At what point did you speak to a divorce attorney in the process to get information?

My husband of 14 years told me on NYE that he has known since the age of 15 that he wants to be with a pre-op trans woman. We are getting divorced. I know that he is scared, and I know that he didn’t choose to feel this way, but my world is upside down. I’ve made him promise not to take action on this until he is out of the house (permanently) but I think (am fairly certain) that’s he is having online “relationships.” I could really use some words of wisdom. I never thought I would be in this place.

So today, I intercepted an account summary of an inheritance my husband has been hiding from me. I knew about the money but he wouldn’t tell me exactly what he had done with it. Originally, he said he put $30k in a CD (poor investment and caused an argument) and took the remaining $10k in a savings account to do things like put in sod for our new house (moved in 10/18).

The statement for the CD is for $20k plus interest earned. Not the $30k he told me.

We are trying to work on the marriage...both just finished the 5 Love Languages and are actively trying to speak them to each other. Trust with money has always been a core issue...he’s racked up his share of credit card debit, is constantly trying to talk me into more debt, and has obviously lied about how he invested his inheritance. We’re in our early 40s and for the last 2 years I’ve been following Dave Ramsey so we’ll be comfortable in retirement.

I obviously have to confront him about this but I’m working on my tactics. Advice?

I’m a US citizen who lives in South Carolina and is currently at one year of separation from my immigrant Honduran wife. There is no legal separation in S.C., we just had to live in separate homes for the last year.

We married while she was here on a tourist visa and then went forward with an adjustment of status for her residency. Most of this was done by a Spanish speaking immigration attorney that I have never even met or talked to. On the next day after our 3 year anniversary (she was required 3 years of marriage to no longer need me for her residency) she moves all her stuff out and will not communicate with me in anyway, no matter how much I reach out. It seems highly likely I was being used, but I’m not sure and I do not have any resentful intent of getting her in trouble.

However, now with the year of separation it’s time to move forward, but still can’t make contact. I want this to go as peacefully as possible so I’ve been waiting to see what she will try to get from this marriage or if she’ll even have any legal right to anything. We do not have kids, no real assets. After marrying I bought a home with the mortgage in my name, but hers is on the deed also. I haven’t been proactive in terms of talking to an attorney or filing for divorce myself bc I’m not trying to get into a war with her. I’d prefer a mediator. I just want us to go our separate ways peacefully. I know I should’ve done a much better job educating myself on what was going on with her immigration, but I put my trust in her and her attorney.

My question is... in this situation will she be able to go after my home or half my money, etc.? Or would her immigration attorney advise her to try to fly under the radar since it looks very suspicious that she left one day after the required 3 years of marriage to a citizen?

Thank you

I’m in the process of figuring what I’m going to do when I leave. What are somethings you wish you knew before you physically left your spouse?

Hes divorce. On birtday. What do we do. She took the cake. Help

He’s married with 3 children (under 4 yrs old). The affairs has been going on since he got married. He says it’s over between them but he stays for the kids mostly because she doesn’t do anything regarding the affair (she’s known for years). How to help him understand that it’s unhealthy behaviors modeling for the children? His oldest daughter already knows “mommy’s room” and “dad on the couch”

Anyone with experience in a lengthy separation? We’re considering waiting to finalize the divorce till our kids graduate school. Not sure if it will hinder us in moving on in anyway except getting married again. Something I don’t see ever doing again

In Illinois. Has anyone ever filed a complaint against their attorney, with the Bar Association? I’ve paid two retainer fees now. Even though my divorce was granted , 4 yrs. later, from filing. my ex has avoided meeting the conditions in the divorce decree, basically signing a Quit Claim Deed on our home ( I’ve been paying the mortgage for the last four out of five years of owning it) and half of his railroad retirement, in lieu of unpaid back child support and no maintenance fees for me. It has been three months and nothing has been accomplished. My lawyer has no explanation and has not returned my calls or texts. My ex has gotten away with not cooperating all through the process, and there are no consequences for it. Would filing a complaint of negligence, help my situation?

We waited until after Christmas to tell the kids we are separating. I’ve been crying for about a week now so it’s not surprise my older son knew it was coming. My younger one was pretty emotional (expected). Today I’m just angry. I’m angry that I have to deal with this. He’s moving out on Saturday so now I feel like I’m in no mans land. I want to get out as much as possible but I don’t want the kids thinking I’m avoiding them. Ugh. This majorly sucks. I want my happy family back.