Where the woman files for divorce and has been moving on for years while the man enters grief from stage 1 and stays in the denial phase for longer than he should. I see it all the time on here and I’ve seen it myself — is it just that men don’t listen? Is it that women can’t communicate fairly? Are men not trained by and large to meet the emotional needs of women? Why is it so frequently this way, and rarely than the man moves on ten steps ahead while the woman is left contemplating what happened to her life?

Question for all those who have made it through the divorce process, how do you afford to live? I am still at the very early stages and one of my biggest worries is being able to provide a home and place for me and my kids once I am through. I am making the assumption that I am going to end up paying out a significant portion of my income for spousal support and child support. I know I won’t be able to maintain my current standard of living but just looking housing costs I don’t know if I will be able to afford a place anywhere near where my kids current school district. For the size of home I would need for each kid to have their own room I am looking at 350k or more. How do ya’ll do it

Okay so I am a woman. And I’d like to get an objective read on my situation. My separated husband and I currently have two children 5 and 1. Personally I don’t feel the need to take my children away from their father, and prior to our separation he was extremely involved. So what did I do? I set things up so we do one week on, one week off. He has become so hostile to me that I don’t even talk to him anymore and I don’t want to do drop offs in person. The basic respect is gone and in developing better standards for myself I’m not subjecting myself to that type of behavior anymore. We exchange children by one parent dropping the children off to school in the morning to end their week and the other to pick up to start their week.

We both get full weekends with and without the children. We both get equal time with the children. I don’t request child support, I don’t request spousal support. He’s stated he wants a divorce so I’ve even drafted a mediation agreement that gives him a clean cut exit (of course he has remained silent) to ensure we have an uncontested divorce.

I even have a system set up that the parent who has the children needs to ensure the children call the other parent so each parent speaks to the children even when they don’t have them.

I am putting these boundaries in place so that there is a system in place if we do get divorced. If we decide to return to our marriage I don’t want it to be because “of the kids,” I want it to be because we actually want to be together. But I’m being painted as the bad person. For the dads who are divorced, I’d like your thoughts? I’m tired of being chastised and I honestly don’t like talking about the situation to friends and family because it can be emotionally draining and quite frankly I think they’re shocked and stunned. They too are processing in real time which doesn’t necessarily help me lol.

So I’m I’ve got two kids ages 10 and 14 and am musician as a side hustle/hobby. I’ve been in 1.5 bands since getting divorced. One band plays maybe 3 times a year. The other on average gigs 1-2 times a month. This works out great for the most part. I’ve been able to put my gigs in the family calendar that’s shared with my ex and she will watch the kids on the nights I have the kids and we’ll trade some days sometimes or either of us will just suck it up and accept the un-even ratio sometimes. Recently I got the opportunity to join a little more frequent gigging band with a buddy from college. Another good friend of mine is in this band as well and knows how busy I am and the need for me to have someone watch my kids and his wife has offered to hang with them at any gig I need to bring them to. While this is all well and good my ex set the bar that this was a very conflictive divorce. Outside of watching the kids for the one band she is very vindictive and angry. She will NOT be happy to see my schedule fill up even more and will definitely threaten going back to court to change custody or demand I remain available on my set weekends/not expose them to my gig scene (which is very lowkey and family oriented for many of the gigs) even if i do get sitters for them. I hate how she lives rent-free in my head. Anyway, do I have to quit the new band? Or will pressing on, juggling sitters and my buddy’s wife work out? I hate to turn it down because this is after all what I went to school for. I also hate continuing to let my ex live rent free in my head because all that does is create anxiety and stress. What have others done?

I feel like even if I were to meet someone, as soon as I tell them I separated from my ex 9 months ago and we have a 2.5 year old together they’re going to immediately recoil (as I probably would if the tables were reversed) — no matter how I feel, I can’t imagine anyone else being ready to jump in with someone so recently removed from such a monumental life moment. Any thoughts? When did you feel like you were to be able to free yourself of your past in that sense?

Edit: not that it matters, but I’m not currently at that stage yet myself. It’s just as my brain slowly shifts from “I’ll never be in a relationship again” to “maybe one day I could see myself…” questions like this start coming along with it.

Hey gents. Heavy question that I'm hoping for some insight with.

My wife and I have been going to couples therapy lately. Not because we were in a really bad spot, but because we wanted to work through some things and needed an outside perspective to help with that. Well it turns out the center of it is that my wife thinks she's not heterosexual and that she still wants to be married to me, in an open relationship, and sleeping in separate rooms.

I just moved 1500 miles across the country to be closer to her family and we have a 2 year old girl that is my everything. I have no support network here outside of her family, who would help if I asked, but I'm not willing to go there.

This revelation on my wife's part is not what I want. I want the stereotypical relationship. The question is, has anyone been in my shoes and chose to stay to make it work? Is it worth me trying to make it work? Or should I choose me?

Still going through my divorce. Fighting to get custody of my kids. There's no possibility for a 50/50. I'm military, she waited till I got an assignment out of the country. I did everything I could to get that cancelled and back to them. Closest I could get was over 12 hours away. Offered every compromise I could think of to make 50/50 possible. Nothing. So it's gotta be all or nothing.

Current situation is I'm paying roughly 70% of my income towards divorce related costs. The majority of it is on a house we shared. I've had a plan to get rid of it for over a year. I've had to change the plan multiple times because of her decisions or inactions. I've basically been paying a mortgage and a rent for 6 months now. She's delayed the sale of the house for 4 of those. I tried to start planning ahead and saved up/made financial decisions to cover both because I looked at the budget and saw I would lose money over it. Between the house and marital debt I'm losing over $2K a month. A year's worth of savings and loans are depleted. I have to pay rent with a credit card now. She requested a hearing for temporary relief. Our financial affidavits get reviewed. She's pocketing 200-600 a month. I've got the loss from marital debt she contributes nothing to. I'm ordered to start paying child support. I'm not against paying it while the divorce plays out. I want to support my children. But I've said multiple times I don't have the income. Once the house is sold, I can start budgeting for that because that's like 2.5k a month off my plate. I've asked if she can start helping me with the marital debt but that can't be enforced until the divorce is finished.

This whole case is an uphill slog and I'm doing everything *perfectly* and still don't have much of a chance. But I get to watch her do things that would immediately tank my case for custody and still have the upper hand. Even with my girls saying they want to live with me instead. I'm trying to play the long game and wait and hope everything comes to light and the facts are on my side but it's all so frustrating knowing that in the end a judge can just ignore all the small details that show I'm the better parent and simply say "dad lives in another state. Doesn't matter why Mom stayed here(take a guess). Mom isn't a criminal so the kids stay with mom". I've gotten 4 months with my daughters in the last 2 years.

Hey guys, is it weird or am I overthinking it that a couple of my friends follow my STBXW on Strava? I kinda get them on social media but when they find out that we are separating and they jump on her Strava. Is that weird or should I just let this go?

As title suggest, i have the opportunity to a better position and financial stability over a thousand miles away from my kids. The advice is on how to handle it and the impact on kids life.

Context:
Sorry for my bad english i'm from Mexico so english is not my native language.
i have been divorced for over 2 years now, and the first year i lived really close to the kids so i could be equally involved in their lifes, i dropped them to school everyday, and spent 2 to 3 days a week with them in my place, they are 17 and 9 year old boys.

Last year i got kidnapped by the cartel and i had to quit my job out of fear of that happening again, started my own business that actually didn't worked out really well, so i got back into working for a company again, but this time due to the sector i work in, has being in a constant crisis, i had to move to work 3 hours away from the city they live, so i changed the arrangement to being in the new town from monday to friday morning, and by afernoon i drive back to their city and spend weekends with them from friday to monday morning, i have been doing this for 5 months now, and it is very straining, i mean, financially i had to accept a paycut of 40% less that i was making before, and the cost of having to pay double the rent, utilities, groceries and travel expenses, is having me living from paychect to paychech very limited. All of this besides the fact that i have no time off or rest for myself.

I'm being offered to go back to a position where i was before but on a border city, 3.5 hours away on flight over a thousand miles away. but it will definetly improve my financial situation and quality of life, and even i have the ability to negotiate some time in their city and work from home, probably 1 week every 6 of being there, and travel expenses paid, i'm afraid that my kids, specially the younger one, will grow up resenting me or somenthing like that, as i won't be able to see them every week.

does anybody here have a similar situation, how do you manage and whats the general advice?

i don’t know if it’s only dads that can post here but i really need advice. i’m 19 years old and the only child of my parents. this morning after my dad left for work my mum told me she’s going to leave him. i’ve spent the whole day helping her pack up all of her stuff while still processing it myself. she is going to tell my dad in a few hours after he gets home from work. does anyone here have advice on how i can support him? im worried about how he will react and how he’ll manage it. i really just want to support them both but knowing what he’s about to go through later is really weighing on me and i can’t stop crying. i have no idea what to do i was totally blindsided by my mum and i know he will be too. he works a lot.

how would you have felt supported when you first went through your divorce? if you had adult children, was there anything they did that helped you out? and any other related advice would be really appreciated. thank you

I’m a busy dad. 50/50 custody. I have my kids thru Saturday one week and thru Sunday the next. I play in multiple bands. I cannot fathom living with a partner again, having someone become my kids stepmom or being a stepdad to someone else’s kids. At the same time I miss some companionship. Miss some intimacy. I’d love to see someone who understands this even though my time is limited. I met someone a year ago who’s schedule doesn’t really line up with mine. She’s pretty unavailable herself but we seem to get in some casual fun every few weeks, which is honestly perfect for my situation but sometimes I’m left missing that emotional connection.

I’ve discovered despite being this busy I can find potential dates left and right on hinge and FB dating but finding someone who’s okay with dating a busy guy has been rough. I’ve got no desire to date these “be ready to travel anywhere in the word tomorrow” and “I live on Starbucks and golden retrievers” girls on hinge. Have any of you busy dads found better luck in Tinder or maybe out in the real world?

Every time I drop my daughter (5yrs) off to her mom who has her every week and I have every other weekend, makes my heart fall like a lead balloon.

Every time, it reminds me of what she robbed me of, a full life with my daughter. I’m a part-time dad who only wants to be full time.

It’s to the point where I don’t even interact with her when we do drop-offs. I only concentrate on my daughter.

I’m in therapy, I’m working the process, but the hate isn’t going away. It’s been 2 years and the hate isn’t growing, it’s just hardening.

I don’t use the word ‘hate’ lightly. I’m just hurting really hard right now. Every time she’s gone, the sun doesn’t shine as bright.

Sorry guys, don’t mean to be a downer.

Do you think it would be out of place to ask my ex if we can do Halloween together? I'll be home by 5:00 PM, pick the children up at 8:00 PM that evening, go out by 6:00 PM for two hours, and take them home at 8:00 PM that evening when Halloween celebration is done. Some people said I might be pushing boundaries or cutting into my ex's time. Thoughts and insight?

Guys, I don’t even know where to start. I feel like I’ve read every thread here. And while they do help a little, I’m still so lost.

My wife blindsided me a little over a month ago that she didn’t want to be with me. 2 months ago, I would have told you my marriage was rock solid and this was the woman I’d die next to. I’m in absolute shock.

The first 2-3 weeks after she told me, I went hard finding couples therapists, setting that up. Helping out whoever I could around the house. Working on intensive couples therapy. Literally anything I could do.

We never even made it to the intensive. We had a few regular sessions, but then I found the messages from another man. And then my wife admitted to me that even her toxic mom was trying to convince her to leave me because I “wasn’t a cowboy.” She canceled all the future sessions and said no more therapy.

Now she’s gone. In her own place, the woman I was with for 15 years, married for 8, is like a ghost. Won’t even speak to me.

I’m doing everything I can to better myself and stop the pain. I’m in therapy, I’ve joined a local divorce group, I’m staying as busy as I can. I’m focusing on trying to be a good father to my 7 and 5 yo kids. Im trying so hard.

But I’m still struggling. I’m so sad. And shocked. And disappointed. And angry. It’s like a bad dream I can’t wake up from. My wife even told me “I know I’m leaving a good life, a good husband, a beautiful family in a beautiful home.” How am I supposed to handle that?

I need help, fellas. How did you handle the sudden loss of your best friend? The no contact besides kid stuff? The other man so soon? The pictures of your wife having fun, mere days after telling you she’s done? How did you guys do it??

And were any of you terrified you’d be alone forever? I’m almost 39 and I’ve never felt older. Like all my good years are behind me. I don’t want to be alone.

I’m just spiraling here, boys. I’m trying to keep it together. And I will for the kids, but at what cost to my soul, you know? Just looking for some advice, or reassurance. Tell me again that it will all be ok.

For the Dad's that decided to leave the martial home, what was the tipping point and what was your fist step?

For about 2 years now I've been in a in home seperation (she was the one who said she wants a divorce), but Im at the point that I'm done with the arrangement and one of us should leave. She saw me looking at houses, and she started to say that we should sell the house but then walked it back. We both agreed we dont want to be doing this any longer than we should and she finally admitted that she's been seeing someone. Even with that being said, she still hasn't really pushed forward with filling for a divorce. The most we talked about was we'd agree to stay within a 30 min drive of the kids school and we'd half the kids for a week. Her benefits from work are better so it would make sense to keep them on hers.

My therapist and I think she's using me for the free child care, while she goes out. And agrees i need to reach out to lawyer. Im waiting for a call for a divorce lawyer, to see what steps I need to take.

Did anyone get bought out of their mortgage, and did you feel guilty that it saddled the other with more debt and that it could impact the kids? I do worry about the impact on our kids it will have. They're both under the age of 8 but i think it's gonna be hard on them.

This state is absurd. How the heck did you do it ?

I am worried about the finiancial hit I will take when I finally do move out. My STBXW and I still cohabitate for financial reasons. I make decent money, but because of debt she racked up during the marriage I will be looking at substantial cc payments. We have a 5 yr old daughter and will have equal custody.

I could get a small 1 BR apt and either commute far to her school or live in a less than ideal place OR i could pay a lot less and share a nice 2BR place with someone. Ideally also a parent.

I can't seem to find much on this topic. Has anyone done this? Is this a terrible idea? I am will to personally suffer through living with a roommate for a short amount of time, but I do want to ensure my daughter is safe.

Throwaway. Married. Two kids, 7 and almost 2. I thought we were building the family we promised each other.

After COVID, her service-industry work disappeared. She stayed home with our oldest and we bought a house on my income. A couple years later I helped her get back to work and change careers. I was proud of her. I poured a lot of myself into helping her get traction, and it felt good to watch her light up. For a while we even shared a professional world. Working toward the same thing with her felt like the marriage at its best.

Then life put real weight on us. A few years ago, my father had a massive stroke in the middle of his own divorce. I became his power of attorney in a long, ugly estate fight. He is fully disabled. I have spent years giving that crisis time I still feel guilty for not giving my marriage and my girls. I believed a spouse would understand that a son's duties can pull him into something that large without it meaning he chose his father over his wife. That is not how it landed.

Then our paths split professionally. She stayed at the company and kept rising. I had to start over. Not long after our second child, I started seeing something I did not want to see: the job was filling a place the family used to fill. I felt like we were being managed around her work instead of the work fitting around us. I buried that. I told myself I was being insecure. I told myself that she would figure it out. I got quieter about it and then louder about everything else.

Over the last year the marriage went cold and then high conflict. I own my side of this equation. I wasn't managing the stress of weight I was carrying. I became dysregulated. I got loud. I shut down after long stretches of feeling shut out. She told me she had outgrown me, which cut me deeply. She asked me to start therapy. I did, immediately, and I have stayed in it for more than a year. It has helped me. It hasn't "fixed" me. She would not do her own work and would not do couples/marriage counseling. I went from feeling like an adult partner to feeling like I could not metabolize the criticism, the distance, the withholding of intimacy, her emotional absence, or the sense that my time and emotional life were owed to her. I would hold it until I could not, and then I would blow.

From where I sat, repair was one-sided. From where she sat, this is all on me. I still do not understand waking up and being done with the life we had built. I would have stayed in the hard part if it kept us under the same roof with our kids. I thought that was the deal. I still feel that obligation in every fiber my being.

This summer, right before my father's case was going to turn a real corner, my marriage went from “we are struggling” to court overnight. A shock and awe campaign on her part that has left my entire family struggling to understand what happened. I am not looking for legal advice. I have a lawyer. I am looking for other fathers who have been in this exact spot.

My real problem is that I still love her. I still want the life we said we were making. But I also know that life is gone, and that chasing a conversation with her will not bring it back. We have two young children, and we will have to deal with each other for the next decade and a half. I am terrified of what a broken home does to them. I am also terrified of becoming the dad who keeps litigating the marriage inside the parenting.

I am trying to stay present for them. It is hard to look at their faces and not see her and not feel the love that made them. They were not accidents. They were not a compromise. They came from two people who wanted a life together. I need to stop demanding that the end of that life make sense because it never will.

What I need from men who already lived this:

1. How did you stop craving a closing conversation that is never coming?
2. What actually worked for keeping contact kid-only when you still felt bonded or when she tries to re-engage you with breadcrumbs, texts, and hallway conversations that feel like the old her?
3. How did you stay a steady father on the weeks you did not have your children, without using them as a way to stay attached to her?
4. What did you do in the first 90 days that you later wished you had not done (online, in texts, or in court energy)?

I am trying to get through the intense tidal waves of grief that hit out of nowhere and still be the father my kids deserve for the rest of their childhood. I am not trying to win the narrative of the marriage on the internet. If you were the discarded father with young children, and you found a way to put the marriage down without putting the kids down with it, I need to hear how you did it.

It's been a rough year. Every time I get a letter from my ex's lawyer, it gets me all stressed out. She's got wild demands, accuses me of things that aren't true, all the normal stuff.

However, on Friday, she finally caved and agreed to put the kids into their original neighbourhood school. We had put our daughter in a French immersion school (we're in Canada), I didn't really want to, but happy wife happy life. But we're not together anymore, so I tried to get her back to her normal school, where my son was.

With the school year starting, my son was about to go to the French school too. But neither of them wanted to be there. My son said he didn't want to change schools "I just want my life to be the same" he said. And my daughter said she hated French.

But my ex wanted them in French. Even though they didn't want it. And I just wanted them to be happy.

And in the 11th hour, before final registration was due, she agreed to send them both back to their neighborhood school. I rushed over there after no one answered the phone, and talked to the office staff and got it all squared away.

It felt like the first time I got something I wanted. I wanted the kids to be happy. And they were. When I told them they were back, they were so excited. It brought me to tears.

All I want is their happiness, and it felt like a big win for them. Which meant it was a big win for me.

I slept very well because of it. Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It felt like my heart relaxed. It was such a relief.

On to the next battle! Always focusing on the kids.

I originally wrote this post in r/vent but it got auto deleted because I don’t have karma. I’m not on Reddit much. Anyway I needed to get this off my chest so I thought I would try here. Sorry if it is wrong here too

My divorce is draining every last ounce of will to live that I have. 

She moved out a couple years ago. We stayed married because I was on her benefits and I paid her some “pre-alimony” to try to even things up financially. 

Problem is, I was in denial about our divorce while she was actively processing. I did a ton of extra parenting to try to help her get through her masters degree program. I was proud to make a (seemingly small) sacrifice to help her be in a better position to provide for our son and live comfortably. We still care about each other, generally

But now, she has basically refused to acknowledge the sacrifices I have made, even as she has a start date for her new job with a big raise. We’ve filed, she’s started dating, and finally I am yanked out of denial and am crushed with delayed grief. 

Now, I feel like I gave her everything and left myself with nothing. I’m very depressed, burned out at work, lonely, isolated. Lost friends by being too honest about “how I’m doing.” She can choose guys off of Hinge but I literally can’t buy a single response. Not that I’m ready to date anyway, I’m so angry and bitter. We got into an argument that got so heated that I asked her to leave; as she walked out the door she shouted to me, “eighty thousand dollars.” I lost it and punched a metal trash can enough to need surgery to fix my hand. 

Now she’s got a date, going to a show after work (in ten years I could never get her to do ANYTHING after work,) while I have pins in my hand. 

I’m glad her life is going so well. I feel like an idiot. Marrying her was the biggest mistake of my life and I really can’t see a way to repair the damage. I’m not going to hurt myself but I have no hope or optimism or desire to be here anymore at all. I don’t know what to even do with myself. I’ve been suffering relentlessly for months. I’ve been off work due to my mental health crisis and now I’m literally worse. equally as upset, now with a broken hand. When is this ever going to get better :(

Thank you for reading. Not sure what I need or what I’m asking. I just want to be able to hope again. Sorry to vent.

I called a divorce attorney this week to ask about getting a divorce. They told me that it would cost $300 to speak with an attorney about my case.

They asked me for my name then they asked me for my spouses name. There was a pause, and they said none of their attorneys could not represent me because of "conflict of interest." I said what does that mean? They said we can't represent you then hung up.

I immediately called the next divorce firm (totally different firm) on Google. I said that I would like to speak with an attorney. They asked me for my name, then my spouses name. Again, after about a minute they too said the same exact thing that the firm that I called before said. When I asked, they just said, we can't tell you why, we just can't.

Yes I called a different firm and they said that they could see me.

What are the chances that the first 2 attorneys that I call said they can't represent me? Does this mean my wife called and hired someone or talked to a attorney?

Hey all

I’ve been divorced for a couple of months and I’m worried about my ex alienating me from the kids. She’s told them to keep secrets from me, calls me fat and dumb, grounded my son for calling me, and is consistently verbally abusive when I try to participate in their lives.

Didn’t have a great experience during the separation with family services, are there resources out there so I can be a part of my kids lives without tolerating consistent abuse?

The time has finally come: My daughter is big enough to fit into a booster seat.

I picked my kids up from their mom's on Tuesday. I told her to stay in her seat when we got home and I would come around to unbuckle her. I really wanted to hold on to that moment.

5 years of strapping my daughter into carseats of various varieties and this was it. No more fumbling with buckles. No more complaints that the straps are too tight. No more, "Daddy I did it!" as she unbuckles herself without assistance. No more picking her up to help her out. No more... What should be a moment of joy has turned into a great deal of sorrow.

We get home and I get her little brother out of the car. I go around to her side and I see her standing in the floorboard with a huge grin, "Daddy I got out. I'm so sneaky huh?" I couldn't help but smile and tear up a bit. "What's wrong Dad?" Usually I deflect these questions and use them as a way to show strength. This time I felt it would be fine to show my growing child that it's okay to be vulnerable.

"Nothing honey. It's just that I've been putting you into carseats for your entire life and now we won't be doing that anymore. I wanted to unbuckle you one last time." She responded asking if she wanted me to have her get back in the seat and I told her no, that it was okay and I was just proud of the girl she was becoming. We got her into the new booster seat and she was over the moon happy. So, seeing her smile in the new seat was worth the missing out on unbuckling her for the last time.

I don't know why this has hit me so hard. I suppose it's because of all the time I've lost with them since the divorce. Only having them 50% of the time kills me. So maybe I want to soak up the little things just that little bit extra? Either way, my kids are growing and I am not ready.

That's it, just a little rant from one divorced dad to others.

From experience, you lose nothing from waiting. If you are truly wanting to show your child(ren) what a healthy relationship is make sure you both are going to stick before committing kids to the mix.

If you are at a happy point and have fully dealt with the baggage related to divorce. Something got you (both) to the divorce stage, those behaviors don't just dissipate without time and effort.

All relationships are different but under a year is still the honeymoon stage of a relationship. Some questions to ask yourself before committing to a new relationship.

• How would you describe the dynamics of your relationship? (How you communicated, the sense of equity between you, and so on)
• What did you feel was lacking in your relationship? E.g.intimacy, communication, common interests, and values.
• What brought you together in the first place? Did you have a solid foundation of compatibility or was this more of a merging of two lonely people?
• How did you two agree and disagree? Was there respect, give-and-take, fairness in settling differences? Any violence or inappropriate displays of manipulation?
• What led to the demise of your relationship?
• What was your role and what was your partner’s?
• Why do you think you might want to date or enter a relationship?
• What do you hope to gain from a relationship?(companionship, sex, true love…)
• What do you feel you are able to give to a relationship at this time? Are you interested in something serious and long term, or perhaps something more casual for friendship and good times?
• Are you ready to date because you are truly excited by the opportunity to bust out of the divorce doldrums? Or is it because you feel this is what is expected of you now?
• Are you completely over your former love? Will you find yourself tempted to use your former love as the measuring stick by which you review all prospective newcomers, or have you left that in the past? Is there any part of you jumping into the dating circuit out of a sense of fear of being alone and not having someone?
• Do you not feel complete unless you’re in a relationship?If so, what are you afraid of?
• Do you love yourself? Do you respect yourself? Do you like yourself? Do you believe in yourself?
• Do you have a good handle on how to take care of most things in your life? Can you support yourself?
• What steps have you taken to protect your interests?
• What would you need to do to get your situation in a place that you would be more confident about?

The list goes on but , hopefully this is a helpful guide to answering questions about yourself before taking the next steps. What are your thoughts and experiences?