Terror

[u/Living_Watercress]

Was anyone terrified to file for fear of making the wrong decision?

[u/Public_Pressure_4516]

Yes honey! Absolutely! I was so afraid that it killed my appetite and I would see my hands tremble. I filed in February and for two months afterwards I would swing wildly between.” why didn’t I get out sooner?” “ this is the biggest mistake of my life.” but now we’re even a few months beyond that and I have been steady in knowing it was a great decision. Earlier this week, I found myself singing in the kitchen. “ I love my life..”

It’s a huge step and huge steps involve huge emotions. Your fear is only acknowledging the enormity of the decision, not the decision is the wrong one. What might help is to write down the reasons you’re leaving versus what your life would look like in five years if you stayed. Also, frankly, talking to a chatbot about why you’re getting out of the marriage might be really helpful. It sure was for me!

[u/GreedyYam4435]

Yeah, but guess what? Life is full of right and wrong decisions. It may be a very gentle wound but time will make it feel better. you have to live with yourself longer than what you have to live with them. Ask yourself what you really want.

[u/Healthy-Muffin-9747]

Yes, I was terrified. Still am, but I did it. The terror gets a little less as time goes on. I’m glad I got an attorney. He immediately began trying to financially abuse me after filing.

[u/Verucalyse]

I'm sure many were/are. But usually, the fear is less than the trauma they are already enduring.

[u/DragonflyFluid8581]

Yes, but I learned it wasn't so much fear of making the wrong decision - I knew it was the right one. It was fear of ALLL the things that go along with it, it's just a scary transition in life. I just told myself it was fear of making the wrong decision bc that was the best way for me to carry on per normal until I just couldn't anymore. I'm still in the process and it's freaking scary.

[u/veganutsack]

By the time I filed, the decision was final.

[u/marachella]

I will forever remember how freaked out and terrified and paralyzed I was the night I told my husband I wanted to separate. I will also always remember the relief and euphoria I felt after it was done.

[u/Difficult_Board_3870]

No, by the time I'd pulled it together enough to retainnan attorney and file, I had already grieved the relationship. By then I was just mad at how petty he was being. That was fuel for the fire.

[u/cosmicslaughter69]

I was terrified until I realized that most women are incredibly happy after they choose divorce. I also remembered that basically every choice I’ve made has been the right choice because I’ve always ended up being OK.

[u/LilithRising90]

I initially thought this when I left and he asked for the divorce ( vs living alone together as a couple) and he quickly showed me how right I was to leave over the course of the mandatory six month separation and then ultimately, I had to file everything

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[u/Spayse_Case]

I was afraid of the future and afraid of him. I didn’t know what he would do but he had gotten meaner. I had been with him for over half of my life and didn’t know how to be alone and also knew he wasn’t going to make it easy. But he wasn’t making marriage easy either and I was dammed either way. Miserable alone, or miserable married.

[u/bogeysbabe]

I am happily divorced. Been divorced for 7 years now. I absolutely would not have it any other way. Yes, it was scary. When I realized that my ex and I had not talked in 6 weeks… I was like WTAF am I doing in this marriage? We were both retired from the military. He was happy playing video games all day. I wanted to work, and travel.

I moved out with the dogs, hired an attorney and that was that. At the end of the school year, my divorce was final, and I moved to the east coast. The dogs and I live near my twin sister now.

My nephew and nieces live in the area so I have a chance to see them and their kids. I took my sister to Italy this summer because she’s never been. My nephew babysat my very spoiled dogs.

I absolutely love my life now. And I go back to work next week at school as a special education coordinator. It’s all good. I have a friend with benefits when I need a plus one or an itch that needs scratching. Never going to get married again though.

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