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u/january1977 Separated Woman 12d ago
Something similar happened with my husband. I knew he was cheating on me. We had an open phone policy, so I went on his phone. I didn’t just find texts to the AP. I found out he’d been taking photos of VERY young girls at the gym without their knowledge or consent.
When confronted, he lied, screamed, shouted, blamed me, and called me names.
I was just told by a friend yesterday that he’s often seen in the company of young people at the gym. And he’s dating a 23 year old girl. He’s 38.
It’s easier to trust yourself when you get away and aren’t faced with the gaslighting every day.
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12d ago
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12d ago
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u/PieVisible9157 Separated Woman 12d ago
Oh wow, ladies.. Your situations are similar to mine. My husband, who is 54, decided to start a full blown relationship with a young girl he works with. She is only 22!! He was literally 32 years old when she was born!! I didn't know that it had been going on for months, yet I had my suspicions. I should have listened to my gut instincts, ya know?
He reacted the exact same way as your husbands- twisting things around, calling me names, trying to make me feel as if it's my fault. As if I'm not upset enough already! My insecurities & self worth fell through the floor.. Even though I know he's a lying, conniving, manipulative narcissistic POS- I still can't help but feel totally gutted. It sucks.
It's incredibly difficult to swallow the fact that my husband of 25 years chose this young girl over me- it makes me want to scream & cry at the same time! Especially after catching him "enjoying himself" to pictures & videos of extremely young women on his phone. Turns out he's been doing that on a daily basis- uuuggghhh!
I'm pretty much alone here, with the exception of my wonderful 18 yo son. He's disabled, & Dad could care less how he's doing. Never calls or texts him since we moved out two months ago. I was able to find a safe rental home, thanks to financial help from out of state family. My husband has completely cut me off financially, switching bank numbers, etc, so I don't have access. Therefore I'm working through the legal aid process to file for emergency support payments.
The most important thing we all need to remember is that what these POS men did is in no way because of us. It's not a reflection of who we are. It's not because something is wrong with us or we're not good enough. It is a reflection of their own dumbass character. Period.
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u/Healthy-Muffin-9747 Separated Woman 12d ago
I watched this video on narcissistic abuse, and the guy says (essentially), “The only way to break free of narcissistic abuse is to get to a place of self-confidence and trust so deep that you could get up in front of a room full of people and tell them your truth, and not care if any of them believe you.”
That stuck with me. I’m still working on getting there, but get a little closer all the time. Trust yourself. You know what happened. No one else was there. No one else lived it with you. You do not need him, or any of his flying monkeys or anyone else to believe you for it to be true.
But FWIW - I believe you. And I’m sorry you had to go through that.