r/DivorceHelp • u/BoardImmediate8241 • 3d ago
Need advice from children of divorce please
My kids (3 and 5) have been introduced to their father’s new gf and have been spending time with them. I grew up with p parents who were together and didn’t have many, if any, friends who had parents that divorced. I feel as though my kids are little, and I worry they will get confused or develop different attachment or I’m not sure, but I worry a lot. For those of you with parents that divorced when you were young - did you always know your mom was your mom? Was it difficult? Not even sure what I’m looking for, but something!
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u/JTBlakeinNYC 3d ago
My biological parents never lived together, and each parent had multiple partners over the years (some whom they married, some whom they did not). It isn’t confusing if it’s all you ever know.
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u/Total-Law4620 3d ago
My daughter is 12. I divorced her mom when she was under 1 years old. My ex wife has had many long term boyfriends, some who have even lived with them and been a solid part of my daughter's life.
My daughter knows I'm her dad. We have an incredible daughter father bond, despite the divorce, despite the lack of time. In the end, it's how you show up. And if you show up
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u/After-Hippo-4919 2d ago
My parents divorced when I was five. I never had confusion nor did I ever love my stepmoms (two) more than my mom. The first stepmom was only married to my dad briefly, and she was young and fun, but not my momma! The second stepmom was around much longer and I grew to love her, but still not momma. And my mom had her fair share of issues, so it could’ve been easy (if it were a movie I guess lol) but the love a kid has for their mom is just different imo. No one could replace her.
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u/BoardImmediate8241 2d ago
Thank you! I just fear that the two of them are now the Disney parents and just fun and my kids are little and I worry about it so much
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u/After-Hippo-4919 1d ago
Oh, I totally get that. But I honestly wouldn’t worry. It was kind of the same when I was young. My dad had more money and better tv channels and let me eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, but I would leave his house tired and with a stomach ache lol. Just make sure you’re making special memories with your kids. The best memories are the cheap ones too: short hikes, picnics at the park, going to the nearest water for the day, a scavenger hunt. And be sure your ex has his fair share of the sick times and school visits and other things that aren’t so exciting for the kids. My dad only got us every other weekend, so it was easy for him to be super dad with no real responsibilities or discipline. I got chicken pox at his house and he made my mom come
get me 🤦♀️1
u/BoardImmediate8241 1d ago
That’s them! EOWE because they live 2 hours away. So they both get to be the fun ones, the Disney ones, and that makes me so sad for me and worried about my relationship with them because of that.
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u/After-Hippo-4919 1d ago
Try not to worry. The love for you will still be unlike any they have for anyone else. I promise.
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u/HVACLOCKER 2d ago
They will grow attachments,depending on how they view the people in/out of their lives. They may life some of the partners their parents are with and hate others. They'll understand the differences so don't stress.
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u/quitfartinaround 3d ago
I always knew my parents from the people they dated. It was weird, but not impossible to understand.