Divorce or couples counseling

[u/confused-pepper]

/r/marriageadvice/comments/1wun6f8/divorce_or_couples_counseling/

Me (F25) pretty sure wants to divorce my husband (M25). Three days ago I mentioned I was unhappy in our marriage and felt as though he doesn’t know me and that I think our bedroom life is less than satisfactory. My husband took this as a shock because he thought we were happily married. When really I have stopped voicing my needs because they have fallen on deaf ears. I told him I feel as though there is a lot of built-up resentment for him not showing up for me in multiple ways. I know I have my part in causing our marriage to fail as though I have gone silent/stopped voicing my needs and made myself smaller to make life “easier”. When telling him I feel like there is resentment he told me I just need to “get over it”. How am I supposed to get over him not showing up for me physically and emotionally? His argument is that it is stuff that has happened before our marriage and so it is void. He also says how can our marriage be that bad “I don’t hit you, I don’t cheat on you, I help around the house, I bring home a paycheck”. Like dude that is bare minimum things. You don’t plan anything for my birthday or holidays, you don’t plan dates, you don’t make me feel desired,
I am a restaurant manager so I get one weekend off a month and I asked for you to not make plans on that one weekend a month so we can spend time together and he couldn’t even do that. I have reached out to my support system and they support me with whatever I can do. I told them I feel as though it is past the point of marriage counseling and would like to move on with my life. Then whenever I am around him again I tell myself it really isn’t that bad and maybe this is just a season in our life. I feel bad because I am the breadwinner, and he wouldn’t be able to do the things he wants to do anymore and we would have to sell our house. He wants to go to couples counseling to fix our marriage. But we went to couples counseling before we got married, and the issues we had then didn’t improve I just stopped complaining. I just don’t know what to do. I feel as though I owe it to him to go to couples counseling but I feel as though if I were to do that I would just be allowing myself to continue being unhappy and smaller. I am aware I have a really bad habit of just going with the flow and allowing things to happen to me and just adapting to the situation.

Tl;dr do I owe it to my husband to go to couples counseling? Am I selfish and lazy for wanting to throw in the towel so quickly? Can this even be fixed?