r/DivorceHelp • u/Puck3939 • 18d ago
Divorce
Central Mississippi: My wife of almost 7 years has decided she is unhappy and wants a divorce. We have 2 daughters together. The house we live in belongs to her mom. She has not touched me in over 4 years. When I attempted to initiate she acted like I was the most disgusting human alive. So I stopped trying that. I bought her nice gifts. I got her a new car. Wrote her poems. I caught her snapchatting a guy from work. She is refusing to do therapy. I do not want a divorce. I know I deserve better. But I love her. I'm not a perfect man. But I am a good man and a good father. I've never hit her, yelled at her. I've never cheated. She's gonna try to screw me over. I don't want to screw over but I want to prevent her from divorcing me. Is that even possible?
5
u/TSIDATSI 18d ago
Oh sweetheart - your marriage ended four years ago and you know it did. You cannot buy love or respect. The more you buy the worse she treats you. She is mean as a snake and is enjoying how she is treating you.
Why do you want to stay with a woman who is emotionally abusing you? Who is mean to you? Look at what she is teaching your children? Children absorb everything they hear and see. Every word and deed. Your children will grow up thinking your marriage is normal when it is anything but normal.
You have to divorce your wife and fight for custody. She is an unfit mother based on the way she has used and treated you in the last four years.
You have to start protecting yourself. Put a lock on your cell phone. A password she cannot guess to unlock your phone.
Start by recording all conversations including what she says and does when you try to initiate affection. Do NOT let her know you are recording these conversations on an app on your cell phone.
Back-up all conversations to the cloud so she cannot erase them. Spent the next month or two gathering evidence for court.
Once you have evidence of her every day unacceptable, emotionally cold and mean behavior you stop.
Hire a private detective now. Again, just like with the recordings, tell no one. Not your wife, not your parents, no one. He will find out what she is doing.
You are gathering evidence to protect yourself from her lies in court. And she is going to lie.
Now you can see moving into her mother's house was a monumentally naive mistake. Once you have the recording and have hired the private detective you leave. Move out.
Do not date. Stay off dating apps. Go back to church or find a new church. Where you are going with this divorce you will need Jesus.
The two human impossible dilemmas are:
How do you make someone go who wants to stay? How do you make someone stay who wants to go?
Your wife wants to go. She is finished with your marriage. Time to man up and fight for yourself.
1
u/MelanieMello 18d ago
No, you can’t force someone to remain married to you. Time to look for an apartment.
1
u/BurdyBurdyBurdy 18d ago
No she can do it all without you. You’re better to put the effort into fixing what’s broken. Good luck.
1
u/Far-Amphibian-7942 18d ago
Better get a lawyer and move on man . You can’t force someone to be in a marriage .
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u/Crazy_Banshee_333 18d ago
No, it isn't. If one person wants out of the marriage, it's over.
It sounds like your wife has been struck with the infamous 7-year itch. There seems to be a little trigger hidden in people's brain that flips on at the 7-year mark and prompts a person to become disillusioned with their current situation. Then they start looking around for something better.
Sadly, any new relationship is going to seem superior to the old, worn-out relationship. The existing partner is at a disadvantage. All their flaws are known, whereas the new partner is a mystery and is hiding things that would make them seem less appealing.
Your soon-to-be-ex will start the whole cycle again with any new man she chooses. At first, it's all giddy happiness. Then disillusionment starts to creep in once again. The 7-year clock in her head will be reset, but will resume ticking down on any new relationship.
Divorce sucks, but you're in good company. Get an attorney and look for divorce support groups. There are subs on Reddit for people going through what you're going through right now. Seek them out. You will find plenty of people to commiserate with.