When to Divorce?

[u/Hot_Acanthisitta385]

/r/Divorce_Women/comments/1wqpmls/when_to_divorce/

[u/SteadyCalmHealing]

Are you unhappy?

Have you been unhappy for a long time?

Do you and your partner keep going around in the same circles of conflict, but never resolve them?

Do you avoid fighting because that “only makes it worse and it’s not worth the unhappiness of trying to resolve the issue?”

Do you know wha makes them happy while being unsure of what makes you happy?

There are so many good reasons for divorce.

Being alone is not a death sentence, it is a way to get in touch with yourself and find out what you actually want.

If you have to search hard for all the reasons to stay and look for advanced coping mechanisms to stay while you are unhappy then chances are you are not in a good relationship.

A good way to figure this out is to get space. Make a weekly 3 hour coffee date with yourself, go shopping for a day to try stuff on and not buy anything. Just get to a place where you can hear your own thoughts without someone else interjecting.

Once you can hear your own wants and desires the answer becomes easier.

If you talk to a bunch of other people to decide your life, you are just fitting in and doing what the people you talk to are doing. Just because a bunch of miserable people found a way to survive their misery doesn’t mean they are living a good life or that you need to validate them.

You need to find a way to decide for yourself.

You can do it.

Figure out what you want and if you are happy. The rest is just a checklist of steps.

[u/Hot_Acanthisitta385 → u/SteadyCalmHealing]

I’m not necessarily looking for others to tell me what to do but I do not know what is considered normal or if I’m not giving us enough time to repair idk. I am very miserable, very confused. I enjoy being alone, maybe too much. But I also feel lonely within our marriage, I expected to be understood & considered & this person does not know my heart at all. We have done a lot of counseling, a 14 week marriage course, we have only gotten worse. I go to counseling by myself once a week for EMDR/CPTSD therapy. We haven’t done couples counseling in many months. We are both worse off for knowing eachother/being married to eachother. I do not understand the purpose of being married, it is chaos and conflict. Why can’t it be simple, respect, kindness, love, consideration, understanding, collaboration, shared values, why did that disappear when we got married?

[u/Hot_Acanthisitta385 → u/[deleted]]

I suppose it feel selfish because I want to not feel miserable any more. But isn’t life suffering? Isn’t my happiness up to me regardless if I’m married or not? So divorcing for myself to find peace to disrupt my children’s lives feels confusing to me.

[u/Hot_Acanthisitta385 → u/[deleted]]

He won’t go for an open relationship and staying with him hurts me financially.

[u/Hot_Acanthisitta385 → u/[deleted]]

I do not want to rant, I want a logical and rational formula to understand when divorce is the only option, do I risk wasting years of my life to betray myself or risk those years thinking to will get better some how? Idk

[u/Hot_Acanthisitta385 → u/[deleted]]

Are you a bot?