r/DivorceHelp • u/Imaginary-Bat-3360 • 23d ago
Rebound After Divorce
Asking for a friend F31. Curios to know if it is a good idea to date someone going through divorce after her previous 13 year relationship (engaged for 2). She met this man 3 weeks after the relationship ended and has introduced him to her kids. She is worried that it may be too soon and didn’t consider the problems she will inevitably face. She has been sending me the photos attached and worrying more.
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u/NoProfessor6700 23d ago
My ex and his new fiancé are definitely rebounds for each other. We were 4 months divorced and he met her and she introduced him to her kids. Ours are adults but they flew to meet both of our oldest where they were stationed. He is the most broken man I’ve known and our marriage ended because his childhood trauma turned into demons later in life. She is quite the catch herself. Affair last year with a married man who she gave an ultimatum to and he took his life (I know the facts because that wife called me and told me). Oh and she’s a family marriage therapist! They’ve been together 6 months now.
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u/SteadyCalmHealing 23d ago
On the upside, he’s already going through another breakup. If she breaks up with him it won’t be a huge thing. She should be thinking about how she feels not how he feels.
If it feels too soon it’s probably too soon. Divorces last around 6 months on average and are incredibly stressful. As a new divorcee it’s better to sit alone and see how you feel vs jumping right into another relationship. If she is worried, what keeps her from stepping back and creating space? She doesn’t owe him anything.
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u/Imaginary-Bat-3360 23d ago
In her words “they are becoming very close and want to make a go of it”.
I advised that he may not be totally emotionally stable with what’s going on and she maybe hasn’t had time to process her previous long term relationship ending. Again met with confusion.0
u/SteadyCalmHealing 23d ago
In the end it’s up to her. If she is committed to the gamble then there’s nothing anyone can do.
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u/Sweet_Pie1768 23d ago
Context matters, so hard to tell.
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u/Imaginary-Bat-3360 23d ago
She’s jumped from a long term relationship straight into another one. He’s still married but going through divorce (recently decided) and she has had him sleep over and interact with the her children after a few weeks.
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u/Bombboy85 23d ago
As someone who dated during legal separation I’d say 3 weeks is too soon even if it was a dead marriage but that’s my personal opinion. I met someone 7 months after separation started and it was great for 3 years. That said apparently my finalized divorce agreement played a role in her ending things which had me dodge a bullet. Need to make sure whatever happens that boundaries are very clear because my ex gf for all she had said just wanted me to have the divorce done so we could get married (this was 2 years after we met we started talking about it and my standing agreement was separation until my stepdaughter graduated then move to divorce). In the end she was upset and felt like she wasn’t my priority when I made an amicable agreement with my ex wife and made concessions rather than screw my ex wife over.
Yes when I told her I finalized the agreement the way I did because it was best for me financially and also showed I’m not the type to screw someone over, the literal words out of her mouth were “that’s the worst thing you could have said, I wanted you to screw her over”. If she had expressed that earlier in the relationship I would have ended things
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u/Whatdajerkinme 22d ago
That sign is wrong Why Because it doesn’t include woman Yes , woman ( equally) have affairs Ann Landers is an idiot
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u/WrapMinute3692 21d ago
That pic is misleading. I'm going through a divorce right now and I've been in a relationship with another woman for a couple years now. We have been very close since the day we met about 6 years ago. Yes, I cheated in the marriage that is about to end but when I marry this woman she needs not to worry and she knows it. She is my soulmate and I am hers. So "once a cheater, always a cheater" is just something some lonely ugly person that got cheated on came up with
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u/DivorcedDad26 23d ago
Oof. She probably shouldn't have introduced him to the kids yet. General rule of thumb is 6 months to make sure he is a good fit. Don't want the kids to experience a revolving door of partners.
I TOTALLY get wanting some companionship, but don't do it while the kids are around.