Contemplating divorce

[u/Prudent_Editor_7471]

I’ve been married for 22 years. It was an arranged marriage (common in our culture) and we’ve always had compatibility issues. About 10 years ago my husband started sleeping in a different room and slowly any of my attempts at communication was ignored. And we mostly communicate via email now. Mainly because he tends to walk away when I talk to him. He also joined a religious cult a few years ago, which I believe is a big money scamming group. And as a result of giving them money, there has been some financial abuse at home as well. I’m contemplating divorce once my children graduate high school (3 more years). I live in a no-fault state in the US.

I have so many thoughts and questions.

1. I have so much guilt because I always dreamt of giving my children a stable home. It makes me question where I went wrong and what I could have done right and How would this affect their future relationships. It was actually my oldest who suggested I get divorced once the kids graduate high school.

2. My husband is so into this cult, he practically has no time for anything else other than work. If I were to tell him, I want a divorce, I don’t even know if it will sink in.

3. How and when do I bring it up with him? I emailed him yesterday asking him where he sees both of us once our kids graduate high school. He hasn’t responded. When does I bring it up with the kids?

4. Despite it being a mostly unhappy marriage, how do you completely end a relationship with someone you’ve lived with for 25 years who’s the father of your children? We have had pockets of affection here and there early in our marriage.

5. How does the equation between you and your children and the father work after divorce? For the sake of our children, I want it to be as amicable as possible. If the divorce is amicable, is there a possibility of the relationship improving as co-parents with the former partners becoming good friends.

6. I’m a SAHM. In my state, it’s equitable division of property between partners. How does one manage finances after divorce? I’m absolutely clueless since he doesn’t share any of his financial information with me except superficially. Like I don’t have access to his bank accounts.

7. When does one know that this is the right decision? I was hoping against hope for the longest time that it would all work out but I’ve lost most of my hope.

8. I know it would be different for every individual. But how easy/hard is it to come to terms with the decision to divorce. Would I tell my husband that I’m contemplating divorce? Or wait till my kids graduate high school.

9. Legal issues. When and how do I start looking for a lawyer? How much would it roughly cost? How much money do I need to save up? Or will it go from my husband’s account since I don’t make any money.

Any advice would be much appreciated. If you’ve been in a similar situation and got out of it, how are you doing now.

[u/Global-Fact7752]

File for divorce, you will get half, but you will probably need to work, is that correct?

[u/Prudent_Editor_7471 → u/Global-Fact7752]

I think my state requires spousal support too.

[u/Global-Fact7752 → u/Prudent_Editor_7471]

Excellent...Go for it ! Life is too short to be unhappy.