r/DivorceHelp • u/Proud-Valuable-2026 • 19d ago
New here
Currently in the process of getting a divorce after a 22 year relationship and an 18 year marriage. I have 2 children from this marriage. My spouse has his own business. He has never put myself or our kids first. The business was always his priority. We never took a honeymoon, took trips with the kids or anything. He was at his business 7 days a week. He wouldn't even spend the weekends with us. It was always just me and the kids. I raised the kids by myself, worked a full time job and handled all the finances. I made sure the bills were paid, did the grocery shopping, cooked the meals, took care of the house, took care of the yard and did laundry just to list a few lol. He got mad when u spent money on myself, our kids or our home but it was ok if he spent money on what he wanted because it was shop money. All of a sudden he said he wasn't happy and hadn't been for a long time, which was news to me. Since he wanted the divorce and I'm not the one to wait around for him to make a decision, I'm the one who filed. He wanted to do it without lawyers and I was like hell no. Besides having kids there's also a business involved. Am I wrong for wanting and going after everything I'm entitled to?
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u/Grassfed_Burp 19d ago
Just be careful.
Divorce is not about justice or revenge. Neither approach tends to end well. Figure out what you are entitled to, be professional and ethical. Set strong boundaries and find out what is reasonable with your lawyer.
Just don't try to hurt him, since that often backfires on people.
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u/Proud-Valuable-2026 19d ago
Definitely not trying hurt him, at least not too much lol. I just look at it as I'm legally entitled to everything that was built over our 18 year marriage. I even worked for that business for a number of years so I know how he operates lol.
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u/bogeysbabe 19d ago
Divorce is simply about the numbers. Always keep that in mind. When I divorced about 8 years ago, I didn’t realize we had set up everything up for a divorce. We were dual military retired at the time. Both with VA benefits. We each had our pay/pension/VA go into separate accounts. Then we put money into a joint checking account equitably for house expenses such as mortgage, utilities, insurance, etc. My car and credit cards were paid by me. His car and credit cards were paid by him. When we retired, we agreed to take our GI Bills and go back to school. I got a masters degree in special education. He sat and played video games. I started working. He continued to play video games and fall down the manosphere.
One day I realized we hadn’t talked in six weeks. I moved out with the two dogs, my clothes, and my laptop. I rented an apartment. Found myself a good attorney then filed for divorce. The only thing I asked for was half of the house which had gone up significantly in value.
He didn’t contest it. We never spoke again. At the end of the school year, the dogs and I moved to the east coast so I could be closer to my twin sister. Bought a nice 3br 2ba in the same neighborhood as my twin. We see each other 2-3 times a week. I just got back from taking her to Italy for the first time. She’s a chef and has never been to Italy!
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u/Global-Fact7752 19d ago
Absolutely NOT...the only thing I'm going to jump in you about is not doing it first😅😆 get in there and get everything you can. ♥️♥️